He invited me to join his Gym

[sb26]

Hi,

 

I met this amazing guy sometime back. He has been in constant touch with me over phone & wtsapp. Sometimes we do meet after office hours. We talk for hours and never get enough knowing each other. We have so much in common ...interests, belief system, likes/dislikes etc.

He is atheltic, well bulit and goes to gym regularly. I am myself a fitness concious and more than fit for my age and that is something quite noticeable by people around me.

We have 4 years age difference. He is younger. He asked if I had been doing gym for keeping myself fit wheres as for me its regular brisk walk and I have never been to a gym. He appreciates the way I have taken care of myself.

 

And now he has invited to join the gym he goes to. Our offices are nearby and he has even offerred to pick me daily from my office and drop me home later after the gym. From the conversation I could make out that he literally wants me to join him for the gym. He even said that he would love to have my company. As I am naive he has even offerred that apart from the trainer he would be there for me all the time.

 

What does it mean? Does he like me? In these few months of getting to know each other there has not been a single instance where he has let me down in any of the ways. Always polite, gentle & very sober. And I really like him..... What do you say guys???

[BeeCee]

Could you give us a bit more info. How did you meet? What sorts of things do you do together, during these months you have been "getting to know each other"? Are they dates? Has he talked about relationships? Do you know whether he is single?

[butterfly45]

I suppose if he spends a lot of his time at the gym it's an excuse to get to spend time with you.

 

Is the problem that you don't really enjoy gyms?

[Batya33]

Does he get a special deal if he gets you to join (yes, that's the cynical part). If he was interested in dating you he'd ask you out on a date. Do you want to know if he is interested in dating you or whether he finds you attractive? If the former, my sense is since you're giving him the benefit of spending hours with you, he knows that if he asked you out on a proper date you'd likely say yes. Sure, if you join his gym he will see you more often but I'd caution you against joining if you need to rely on him to drive you back and forth -or, if you do make sure they have a very lenient cancellation policy.

[Andrina]

If a man was interested in you romantically, after a couple of those after hours meet ups where you're chatting for hours, he would have tried to hold your hand or made an attempt to kiss you goodbye, along with the normal dating progression.

 

When you have a guy who is not shy and pays a lot of attention to you without it furthering to dates, it's usually one of two things: He has a girlfriend or wife, or he's just not that into you but likes the ego boost that you have a crush on him (yes, he knows).

 

No, I would not join his gym. I would not put any more emotional energy into him until I found out his goals with you. Yes, it's awkward to have this sort of conversation, but the alternative is to live with unknowns and the great possibility of wasting your time and falling for someone who isn't interested in romance.

 

What would I do? In person, I'd say: We've spent a lot of time together and get along great. I'm a bit confused, though. Is this strictly a friendship, or did you want it to progress to dating? If you don't want to go straight to that question, I'd ask him if he had a girlfriend or wife. If he says no, ask him what his dating history has been like. Maybe you can get some answers with that route. If not, ask the tough questions. Your needs are important and if he just wants to be a buddy, that'll be good for you to know so you can start thinking of him in that way instead.

[James516]

My first thought was the same as Batya's - he would get a discount on his membership if he brought someone who eventually signed up for a membership. This doesn't have to be a devious intention - he may realize you like exercise and would make a good workout buddy or like the gym.

 

The first part of dating is coffee, talking, dinner and going forward from there. He is just asking you to the gym, it's actually a step down from coffee - less time to talk and no potential for romantic physical activitiy, you won't be making out next to the elliptical.

 

I assume you have asked whether he has a wife or girlfriend... not that an honest answer is always given, but usually there is some squirming if lying. Rather than waste your time, build up hopes, or sign up for a membership that you wouldn't want otherwise, you can see where he is at by making the first step towards potential dating by saying you've enjoyed the conversations and would like that to continue by having dinner. If interested, he would make a move at that point.

[katrina1980]

First off, I can't stand it when a guy I meet asks me "do you work out?". "Go to the gym"? Ugh.

 

No I don't workout per se, but I run and do yoga, but what difference does it make anyway?

 

I dunno, it just sounds very shallow to me.

 

Re this guy, my first thought was that he wants to check out how in shape you are, what your body looks like.

 

If you meet his standards (high), he will ask you out.

 

Either that or he wants to show off to you what fabulous shape HE is in! To get you all hot so you will have sex with him.

 

I had a few dates with a guy like that.

 

He invited me over for dinner. Greeted me in his work out clothes and proceeded to lift weights in front of me, showing off his muscles. No doubt he was attempting to get me hot and bothered and then have sex.

 

Instead, I was so turned off, I told him I forgot something in my car and drove home! Needless to say, we never had sex!

 

It all wreaks of shallowness imho.

 

No I would not join his gym.

 

If he were interested in you, he would have asked you out on a date!

[Fudgie]

I would not join his gym unless you yourself really liked the gym and would go to it to work out, sans him. I myself like my gym and recommend it to people who ask me about gym choices because I feel it has a lot of good services and equipment - not because I like the person who is asking me about it.

 

Not sure if he's single/attached or if he sees you as just a friend but I would not take the gym invite as a sign of romantic interest. I like James' advice.

[sb26]

well we met through a common friend. He is an engineer by profession.

He was changing his job. He had already accepted the offer before we met and wanted my opinion on that. But because of his ignorance I found that he was not getting what exacly he deserved.

Anyhow I suggested him some state claim that he had not even considered and his HR never bothered to share. He spoke to his HR and now he is getting that state claim for which he is genuinely thankful to me. And this way we started talking; first more related to prfessional aspects and now its mostly personal.

 

We had been to few coffee outings. He asked me for dinner once. I couldn't accept because of some prior engagements.

[sb26]

I suppose if he spends a lot of his time at the gym it's an excuse to get to spend time with you.

 

Is the problem that you don't really enjoy gyms?

 

He spends one hour in gym that too after office.

I enjoy exercising be it a gym or park. I just wanted to understand the underlying intention of requesting me consistently to join him.

[sb26]

Does he get a special deal if he gets you to join (yes, that's the cynical part). If he was interested in dating you he'd ask you out on a date. Do you want to know if he is interested in dating you or whether he finds you attractive? If the former, my sense is since you're giving him the benefit of spending hours with you, he knows that if he asked you out on a proper date you'd likely say yes. Sure, if you join his gym he will see you more often but I'd caution you against joining if you need to rely on him to drive you back and forth

 

He is earning more than he can spend. He had joined a new gym few months back and have already paid for two years. He requstedme to come with him and see for myself if thats ok with me or not. He assured me excellent equipments & a decent crowd.

even if he gets a deal from the gym, what's the use he would be spending much more on dropping me at my place after the gym. Sundays are off. And if saturday I wish to come he will pick me from home.

 

The thing bothering me is the lift favour I would be taking.

[Batya33]

He is not earning more "than he can spend" - that just means he has more to save or do whatever -and many people, including me, have savings and love a good deal/ways to save. But if the deal was money off my membership I'd share the benefit with the person who was joining or at least tell them about it. Maybe check the website or call anonymously and see if you can find out.

 

I would not join the gym if it has anything to do with him being a member and definitely not if you wouldn't go or go as often without the ride from him.

[sb26]

He is not earning more "than he can spend" - that just means he has more to save or do whatever -and many people, including me, have savings and love a good deal/ways to save. But if the deal was money off my membership I'd share the benefit with the person who was joining or at least tell them about it. Maybe check the website or call anonymously and see if you can find out.

 

I would not join the gym if it has anything to do with him being a member and definitely not if you wouldn't go or go as often without the ride from him.

 

I checked with gym Manager over phone. They don't offer any discounts/benefits for brininging a reference to join the gym. He further added that the gym is famous for its equipments & trainers so people join by goodwill they need not to offer any add ons for selling their services.

 

Yesterday this guy again asked me to see the possibility if I can join with him. While talking over phone I got a clue that he had already paid for the entire year.

Is it possible that he thinks he would get more 2hrs everyday to spend with me otherwise we meet casually twice or thrice in week. But by joining him he will get to see me everyday. He says he loves my company. we talk over phonecall/whatsapp every single day. He remembers every smallest thing mentioned to him and asks me about it whenever we meet or talk next time. Most of the time he tries to grab a quick lunch with me.

[Batya33]

I would join the gym only if you can conveniently get there on your own and you would be totally fine seeing him work out with a girlfriend or someone he is crushing on that is not you. Also find out what the cancellation policy is or if you are ok losing all the money. If he wants to see you and date you he can ask you out on weekly dates for example. I think it can be great when couples go to the same gym. I find it odd that he has now asked you twice but hasn't asked you out on a date.

[sb26]

I would join the gym only if you can conveniently get there on your own and you would be totally fine seeing him work out with a girlfriend or someone he is crushing on that is not you. Also find out what the cancellation policy is or if you are ok losing all the money. If he wants to see you and date you he can ask you out on weekly dates for example. I think it can be great when couples go to the same gym. I find it odd that he has now asked you twice but hasn't asked you out on a date.

 

Joining a gym & taking the favour of ride is a strict No-No for me. He doesn't have any girlfriend. He has already shared , he's single from last two years.

If had to join a gym, there are so many near my place & looking at my comfort level would join any of them. if he also wants to spend some time, he may join my gym, Simple!!

You are right! I am reading way too much between the lines and should stop this before it gets too late. Yes he has never asked me on a date. Though he could have if he really wanted.

[Sportster2005]

Hi,

 

I met this amazing guy sometime back. He has been in constant touch with me over phone & wtsapp. Sometimes we do meet after office hours. We talk for hours and never get enough knowing each other. We have so much in common ...interests, belief system, likes/dislikes etc.

He is atheltic, well bulit and goes to gym regularly. I am myself a fitness concious and more than fit for my age and that is something quite noticeable by people around me.

We have 4 years age difference. He is younger. He asked if I had been doing gym for keeping myself fit wheres as for me its regular brisk walk and I have never been to a gym. He appreciates the way I have taken care of myself.

 

And now he has invited to join the gym he goes to. Our offices are nearby and he has even offerred to pick me daily from my office and drop me home later after the gym. From the conversation I could make out that he literally wants me to join him for the gym. He even said that he would love to have my company. As I am naive he has even offerred that apart from the trainer he would be there for me all the time.

 

What does it mean? Does he like me? In these few months of getting to know each other there has not been a single instance where he has let me down in any of the ways. Always polite, gentle & very sober. And I really like him..... What do you say guys???

 

I think it's inappropriate to ask you for such a commitment in this context. If he wants to to get to know you, he should date you. Not ask you to spend money and make such a huge commitment.

[sb26]

I think it's inappropriate to ask you for such a commitment in this context. If he wants to to get to know you, he should date you. Not ask you to spend money and make such a huge commitment.

 

Right Sportster2005! I realize that now. I am just trying to be myself and gym was never on my mind earlier as well. I am quite fit as of now with regular walking & running, that keeps me in absolutely good shape. If at all someday I feel the need to join a gym it would definitely be near my place.

[sb26]

Great news folks! It turns out that he is engaged!!

Bingo! Another heartbreak in just 12 months.

 

I feel like a desparate f**king woman. No clue- how to get over with this acute pain and when will I be in peace of mind.

Feel so low... Like I have hit the rock bottom.

[pippy longstocking]

Great news folks! It turns out that he is engaged!!

Bingo! Another heartbreak in just 12 months.

 

I feel like a desparate f**king woman. No clue- how to get over with this acute pain and when will I be in peace of mind.

Feel so low... Like I have hit the rock bottom.

 

I just read the thread .....and ohhhh noooooo ....didn't the mutual friend mention anything .. what a blow ..the man is a pig . come on , head up high , thank god you found out now and not 6 months down the line .

[Batya33]

Great news folks! It turns out that he is engaged!!

Bingo! Another heartbreak in just 12 months.

 

I feel like a desparate f**king woman. No clue- how to get over with this acute pain and when will I be in peace of mind.

Feel so low... Like I have hit the rock bottom.

 

I'm sorry you feel that way. My suggestion -if someone is not properly dating you do self-care and do not let yourself get emotionally attached other than in a platonic sense as long as you are not attracted or romantically interested.

[Wiseman2]

It may be better to get on some dating apps and start meeting guys you know are interested and not coworkers, crushes or guys getting a bonus for bringing new members to a gym.

It turns out that he is engaged!!

[sb26]

He is not engaged!!

He admitted he is very much single. I feel so stupid.