I'm pregnant.. will I regret abortion?

[hotlikestyles]

I have just found out recently I am pregnant. I don't know how far along I am yet. I've been with my partner for two years. We have been to the doctors and I booked an appointment for a termination in two weeks. My partner doesn't want to keep it as he says it's the wrong time.

 

I am currently in my second year of nursing at university and I still live at home. I am worried that keeping a baby I wouldn't be able to manage.

 

I have had much thought about this and I have decided that I want to keep it. I have spoke to my university an they said I can take a year out with bursary pay aswell and return after my maternity leave to finish. I feel like I would want this as I will only have one last year to complete.

 

I am scared to tell my parents and what they will think of me. I think they will be mad. Very mad. I'm not sure if they will support me. I know that my boyfriends parents will be great. They have a lot of money and they would support us.

 

I have told my boyfriend I changed my mind and he was shocked by this. He thought I was deadset on getting an abortion. He has already been saying things like 'I'll have to get a weekend job' and 'I'm going to need to save money and sell the car to get a more suitable one.' I know that he will support me.

 

I'm just scared that everything isn't going to work out in the end. How do I tell my parents? Will people be disappointed? I don't have a house to live in, will we get help? It's all very exciting but scary at the same time. I don't know if I'm making the right choice but I have heard that so many people regret abortions and no one regrets having a baby.

 

Advice would be great.

[Birdie]

I think there's many people that do regret having an abortion, but there's also those that regret having a baby or had to make huge sacrifices to adjust. There's some that know a termination was best for them, for others they might doubt their decision. Personally I know someone who has had a termination and accepted although it was very hard emotionally, it was the best decision for her. I also know someone who had a baby from an unplanned pregnancy and they are very happy as well.

 

You need to do what's best for you.

 

Can you provide for a child? You mention a lot about other people who "can" help, but what can you provide? Do you feel financially secure to support a baby, have you looked into the costs? You need to tell your and your boyfriends parents so you know what support you have, you're responsible for this life if you chose to carry out your pregnancy. You say you could go back to school in a year, does your university offer childcare? If so how long is the wait list? If not, what are your options and costs? Do you live in your own home, is there an extra room for a nursery? Also you mentioned you're in school for nursing....remember to adjust needs (child care, etc) based on working shift work.

 

I know that's pretty overwhelming to think through, but you need to think about the big picture and what life would be like once baby is born. Does your university offer counselling? Talking things through with a trained professional would be extremely beneficial.

 

There's also adoption if you could handle that.

 

There's no right or wrong answer, I know this is extremely tough. Good luck.

[greta96]

This is one of the most personal decisions out there, nobody can possibly tell you how you would feel after an abortion. Some feel huge relief, some feel pain... everybody is different and has their own set of beliefs, rules, emotions, etc.

I really think you should first discuss it with your parents, angry or not they are the best suited to give you advice based on your personal situation, because they are the ones who know you and also your financial situation and possibilities. Plus, you live under their roof and if you decide to keep the baby, they will need to be directly involved in caring for him/her.

 

And one more thing - when you make your decision, take into consideration the fact that your partner may not stick around, or at least not for long. Having a baby changes even the healthiest family dynamics, so don't ever count on him to be there; think about ways to handle motherhood as a potential single mother too, how it will impact your future dating life, professional life, etc. Of course this may not happen, but it's best to be prepared for whatever life may throw at you.

 

It's a tough decision, good luck!

[CurlyQSue]

Well you seem to really want to keep this baby....you are just scared. Don't get an abortion. Especially if there's a slight chance you may want to keep it. I have known people to be deadset on the decision and then once it's done....they STILL regret it. Your boyfriend wont understand that the way you will when you make your decision. It is a very scary thing to go through. It is going to change your life but you need to talk to your parents. They can provide you with the support, advice, and love you will need. Yeah maybe they will be shocked maybe even mad in the beginning but they will get over it if they love you. I agree that whatever the decision it's probably best to talk to your family about it first. It will be ok....a baby can be one of the best things you ever do.

 

good luck!

[hotlikestyles]

Thank you for your advice guys.

 

I have a job on the nursing bank along with my studies which lets me do shifts whenever I please and it's quite good pay. I get weekend rates and nightshift rates. So if the decision was made to keep the baby I know that I would always have the option to do shifts here and there to get a bit extra money in.

 

I also know my boyfriend will work his ass off to provide for us aswell. I will also get bursary from university for this which will be £500 every month.

 

Me and my boyfriend will have to move into our own house I think, this is what worries me, that we won't be able to afford this. I know many friends etc who do it and they do it alone as a single mother which makes me feel like I am confident to do so. It's just a massive risk to take.

 

I never wanted a baby this early but I don't know if everything happens for a reason and maybe this is a leap of faith that I should take.

 

I know it would be the easy option to get rid of it but I'm not sure I could continue in my life feeling satisfied or happy and I feel like I would always think back and wonder what could have been..

[hotlikestyles]

I haven't had my first scan yet I don't whether I should wait until I've had this before I tell my parents as I don't even know how far along I will be or how severe the situation is and it still doesn't feel real either.

[Batya33]

I agree so much with Greta that it's a personal decision. Having said that if you are this far along in planning for how you would care for your child, please do not abort. I do believe you would deeply regret it. But everyone's perspective is different. Count on your boyfriend not helping but make sure he is responsible for child support - check into all the laws about that right now so you know what to do in the event he has a change of heart. You can do this.

[Fudgie]

It's a personal choice, no right or wrong. What I'm hearing from your post is that you DO want to have it, that you're already making plans to keep the child, to take some time off from school, to have your boyfriend/boyfriend's family help to support you, etc.

 

Please do not have an abortion just to appease someone. Have one because YOU want one. And if you don't want one, then don't have one. Simple as that. That's all.

 

I do want to touch on this point though:

 

I don't know if I'm making the right choice but I have heard that so many people regret abortions and no one regrets having a baby.

 

Absolutely wrong. There are parents there who absolutely regret their children. Paternal regret, unfortunately, is alive and well but it is not as talked about as much because it is taboo.

 

But you know, people who regret having kids are usually the ones who went into it for the wrong reasons. They did it because they felt it would make them "adult", they did it to appease their parents/partners despite not really wanting kids, etc. They didn't live authentically and to their own desires.

 

It is the same with abortion. Those who truly regret abortion are the ones who did it for the wrong reasons or maybe rushed into it. They didn't live authentically. And that is where regret comes from.

 

So, if you truly want this child, no matter the struggles, and you feel that in your heart, then aborting would not be a good choice for you, IMO.

[Sarah Hummer]

Ask yourself if having an abortion will affect you for the rest of your life. I know it would for me but everyone is different. If you want to keep the baby then do so. It's your body and yes your bf will have to get a job, why doesn't he have one anyways? Do what's best for you and only you

[faraday]

I don't think many people are excited to get an abortion. It's a really hard decision- it's not one that people generally take lightly. Far too many people take having children lightly...thinking it's easy, or that it will just work out. I met with a friend last night, and while we were both very drunk, she confessed she didn't really like her kids all that much. And she is married, the kids were planned, and they are very well off. She said she's never been motherly, and thought the kid thing would be easier. It was the right thing to do at the right time.

 

Being a parent is the hardest job out there. And I'm not even talking about the baby stuff when they keep you up for days at a time, and cry every time you put them down, and you've been breastfeeding for what feels like 12 hours straight and you're so hungry you could eat a box of kleenex. No, that's the easy part. The hard part is when your kid comes home and cries because she can't read like the other kids and she thinks she's dumb and you wonder if she has a learning disability. The hard part is when they dread school because of that little jerk face that's a grade older always pushes them down and laughs at them, and you're heart breaks because there's not a lot you can actually do. Its hard when you watch them make really bad choices, ones that could ruin their lives....but you can't do anything except express disapproval because grounding them means they'll just sneak out, or move out.

 

I got pregnant when I was younger and it was unplanned. Telling my parents was the most terrifying thing ever...and while they were surprised, they were accepting and even excited. I mean, it's a child...it would be pretty awkward if they weren't supportive...that's their grandchild.

 

I split up with my daughters father a year after our daughter was born. It was tough, I'm not going to lie.

 

There are times when I wish I could have had her when I was older, married, and had my life more together. But I have her now and I couldn't imagine my life without her. She is my favourite person in the world. I know it would be fine if I hadn't had her and I had waited and had another child at a later date...but knowing her now, it's hard to wish for that, you know? Because she wouldn't be her. She'd be a different kid. With a different dad. And I'd be different.

 

This is such a personal decision. And I don't think it's fair for you to make it entirely on your own- your bf should get some say.

 

When I found out I was pregnant, I offered my ex an out. I told him if he wanted to walk away now he could. No strings, no child support, just walk away. He stayed, and while he made a terrible grown up partner (he was fun when we were young), he is a pretty awesome dad. But he had the option.

 

You have to really think about what you want. A child changes everything. Your needs go on the back burner- it doesn't matter if you're tired, or want to hang out with friends...or if you want to go to school. Sometimes that's not in the cards, life changes completely with kids. Your child will come first. And providing shelter, clean clothing, good food, a nurturing environment...will become priority over everything else...so you need to think about if you're able to provide that right now. And not your bfs parents, or your parents...but you and your bf.

[qwaspolk82]

I have just found out recently I am pregnant. I don't know how far along I am yet. I've been with my partner for two years. We have been to the doctors and I booked an appointment for a termination in two weeks. My partner doesn't want to keep it as he says it's the wrong time.

 

I am currently in my second year of nursing at university and I still live at home. I am worried that keeping a baby I wouldn't be able to manage.

 

I have had much thought about this and I have decided that I want to keep it. I have spoke to my university an they said I can take a year out with bursary pay aswell and return after my maternity leave to finish. I feel like I would want this as I will only have one last year to complete.

 

I am scared to tell my parents and what they will think of me. I think they will be mad. Very mad. I'm not sure if they will support me. I know that my boyfriends parents will be great. They have a lot of money and they would support us.

 

I have told my boyfriend I changed my mind and he was shocked by this. He thought I was deadset on getting an abortion. He has already been saying things like 'I'll have to get a weekend job' and 'I'm going to need to save money and sell the car to get a more suitable one.' I know that he will support me.

 

I'm just scared that everything isn't going to work out in the end. How do I tell my parents? Will people be disappointed? I don't have a house to live in, will we get help? It's all very exciting but scary at the same time. I don't know if I'm making the right choice but I have heard that so many people regret abortions and no one regrets having a baby.

 

Advice would be great.

 

Who cares what other people think? You can change your mind...it's your life and your decision to make.

 

Actually not that many women regret an abortion. There was just an article released on that. Women who go through with abortions generally knew what they were doing and wanted to do it. There may be a few who did regret it but overall, most don't.

 

No one regrets having a baby? Are you serious? There are all kinds of people out there who should not have ever had babies but did and who did regret giving birth.

 

You do what you think is best. If your boyfriend is on board that's great. Hopefully he stays on board but if not then be prepared to do this on your own.

 

I'm not sure where you live but depending on your income you might be able to get government assistance if needed. If you don't make enough you can apply for low income housing.

 

If your parents get mad, they do. You can't do anything about that. Why would they get mad?

 

I'm sure your boyfriend was shocked. Anyone would be if you mutually agreed on an abortion.

[hotlikestyles]

Thank you every one for your posts. It means a lot to me. I have further spoke to my partner today, and he has been really supportive today. He has been looking at houses already and he says that he is pretty confident he will have enough money by the time he saves to buy a house we can live in.

 

His parents will definitely help him to do it, as they did for his sister as well. I feel much more positive after making a decision to keep it and I feel like I can look forward to the future now.

 

I know nothing good would come of an abortion and I feel I would most likely regret it and always wonder what could have been. I think the most important thing for me and my partner now is to concentrate on how we can provide for this baby, and do the best that we can.

 

We won't be perfect parents no one ever is, but we will give that baby love no matter what. I never thought I would have a baby at such a young age of 21, but I believe things do happen for a reason and this came as a shock but maybe it's just meant to be.

 

I wasn't on contraception as I haven't been on anything for three years. I have never thought that I could get pregnant because of this and I never have been before. I have never thought to get myself checked out either as I just pushed it to the back of my head. My periods have been irregular for years and so I have always thought I could never have kids. So when I found out I was actually pregnant I was completely stunned. I feel that is one of my main reasons for not being able to get rid of it after thinking for so long that I couldn't have one.

 

Thank you for your comments they have helped me a lot. I just hope that I make the right decision and my family can support me.

[TattyK]

I was with my partner for about a year when we got pregnant. It was an accident, I had always told myself that should I fall pregnant by accident and I didn't think I could support the baby, that I would "do the right thing". I immediately called to book an appointment, and everyone was very supportive of my choice regardless of what it was. We were young and I was convinced due to our lifestyles (we liked to party and were very much into enjoying our youth, it was a selfish period in our lives) that there was no way I could of given this child a good life. I also didn't want to adopt, because I thought the idea of having a part of me somewhere out in this world that I didn't know and didn't know if it was okay would kill me.

Around the same time, his sister was pregnant. She meant to get pregnant with her partner and was looking forward to having the baby. I went through with the abortion, I had a very strong sense that what I was doing was the right choice for me, at the time.

 

A few years later, after I got to meet his sister and her baby, it immediately hit me that had I had mine, that is how old it would be. It would be smiling at me like hers smiled at her, it would be doing silly things like hers was, it would be a part of my family. She loved her child, and while concessions had to be made and changes needed to happen, having a baby didn't end her life or make her life bad. Her life just changed, is all. She had some tough moments financially, but her boyfriend stepped up and her parents helped also. Her parents weren't happy she was having a child, but after taking a few months to let it all sink in, they switched to being quite supportive. They realized they are going to be grandparents, and they loved that baby.

 

Her child is 9 years old now, and when I look at her I always am reminded of what could of been. What would my child of been like? I can honestly say that if I could go back, knowing what I know now, I wouldn't of done it. I would of taken on the changes in my life and went ahead with it, I would of kept my baby.

 

I am pregnant now, my husband and I planned it, and I'm 4 1/2 months along. Its been scary and exciting, and I look forward to when I get to find out if its a girl or a boy so I can paint the nursery and start picking out furniture and blankets. I think about the child I could of had more then I ever did now, and it does break my heart. I can't go back and get a do-over, I have to live with the choice I made. I wish I could of made the choice with the matured mind I have now, and not the young one I had then.

 

I think whatever choice you do make, that choice is yours. Having the child could bring some difficulties into your life, but it will most certainly bring you joy. Not having it will eliminate those difficulties you could have to face, but if you're like me, it will bring you moments of great pain. Either way, the choice is tough.

 

I wish you the best with whichever choice you make. xo

[CandyKins]

From what I hear from you, you will regret it.

 

An abortion will always be in a woman's mind or subconscious.

 

The people may say it doesn't affect your fertility, but there can be implications and risks for example tissue being remained in the uterus and having to go through another procedure

 

My friend had 3 d&c and is having a difficult time conceiving, she had an abortion because she was pressured with her parent. Her hormones were all over the place and she regrets.

 

You need to think about this carefully and throughly.

[qwaspolk82]

From what I hear from you, you will regret it.

 

An abortion will always be in a woman's mind or subconscious.

 

The people may say it doesn't affect your fertility, but there can be implications and risks for example tissue being remained in the uterus and having to go through another procedure

 

My friend had 3 d&c and is having a difficult time conceiving, she had an abortion because she was pressured with her parent. Her hormones were all over the place and she regrets.

 

You need to think about this carefully and throughly.

 

Actually they released a study and most women don't regret it. It also doesn't effect fertility in most people. Your friend's experience isn't the norm. Her case is different and having three abortions at that stage would affect HER fertility yes. She had three abortions because her parent made her? Perhaps if she doesn't want kids she should use protection and be more careful because three abortions - and D&C at that - seems to be someone and her partner(s) who aren't being responsible. D&C's are done later in the pregnancy too so that seems a bit odd.

 

I know women who have had abortions and had no issue conceiving later on. It's case by case. I have a friend who I took to the clinic and she has no regrets to this day about that abortion - and she already had two kids.

 

I'm also fairly sure the OP decided against an abortion anyway.

[IAmFCA]

OK your thinking is what scares me. "I know that he will support me" and "they have a lot of money" is in direct conflict with what you are being told. You may need to use the law to get monetary support, and it likely won't be very much money. Please be careful what you assume about support.

 

(1) "So many people regret abortions and no one regrets having a baby" - really? and, who cares?

- So many people appreciate that they did not have a child when they did not want one! But don't run around saying so. One of my close friends had three abortions, and then a house full of kids when she was older married and prepared to do so. Nobody hears her talk about her decision, because we don't talk about abortion.

- Regrets having a baby? Regrets having a person? A baby is a baby for a short while. How many people are on these forums knowing or feeling that their parents did not have time for them? Love for them? Joy for them? We can't talk about that either: "I wish I didn't have my kid" said nobody ever. Not where someone else would hear them.

 

Think critically about these messages you are hearing. Social norms make it unusual for someone to say, "I am glad I had an abortion." or "I regret having my child." You don't know how often those statements are true, and therefore can't draw the conclusion that most people regret one or are glad for the other.

 

Now that I think of it: my parents did not intend to have me, nor was one of my best friends an intended child. They loved us, we were lucky. But we weren't intended, and both sets of parents would have been just as happy to have followed their lives without us having been born.

---

 

All that matters is what is within you. If you continue to take your guidance from what other people say, then you are not ready to coach a new life into this world. Find your moral compass and follow it.

 

I am pro life AND pro choice. If you are bringing someone into this world, you had better be ready to absorb whatever consequences happen, because it will be your responsibility to find a way to put your life together. Your bf may not have money for you. Legally, unless he is a minor, his family's money is meaningless. His family did not create this pregnancy, he did. Only his assets are relevant, and that probably isn't much. He has already told you the sacrifices he would have to make. That doesn't sound like a commitment to support you, nor to provide much money. And if and when you break up, your baby will still need you to be happy, to be focused and loving and attentive. Even in a dark depression your child will need you to put them first.

 

Think carefully about what you want, please, and what resources you have WITHIN YOUR CONTROL.

[qwaspolk82]

OK your thinking is what scares me. "I know that he will support me" and "they have a lot of money" is in direct conflict with what you are being told. You may need to use the law to get monetary support, and it likely won't be very much money. Please be careful what you assume about support.

 

(1) "So many people regret abortions and no one regrets having a baby" - really? and, who cares?

- So many people appreciate that they did not have a child when they did not want one! But don't run around saying so. One of my close friends had three abortions, and then a house full of kids when she was older married and prepared to do so. Nobody hears her talk about her decision, because we don't talk about abortion.

- Regrets having a baby? Regrets having a person? A baby is a baby for a short while. How many people are on these forums knowing or feeling that their parents did not have time for them? Love for them? Joy for them? We can't talk about that either: "I wish I didn't have my kid" said nobody ever. Not where someone else would hear them.

 

Think critically about these messages you are hearing. Social norms make it unusual for someone to say, "I am glad I had an abortion." or "I regret having my child." You don't know how often those statements are true, and therefore can't draw the conclusion that most people regret one or are glad for the other.

 

Now that I think of it: my parents did not intend to have me, nor was one of my best friends an intended child. They loved us, we were lucky. But we weren't intended, and both sets of parents would have been just as happy to have followed their lives without us having been born.

---

 

All that matters is what is within you. If you continue to take your guidance from what other people say, then you are not ready to coach a new life into this world. Find your moral compass and follow it.

 

I am pro life AND pro choice. If you are bringing someone into this world, you had better be ready to absorb whatever consequences happen, because it will be your responsibility to find a way to put your life together. Your bf may not have money for you. Legally, unless he is a minor, his family's money is meaningless. His family did not create this pregnancy, he did. Only his assets are relevant, and that probably isn't much. He has already told you the sacrifices he would have to make. That doesn't sound like a commitment to support you, nor to provide much money. And if and when you break up, your baby will still need you to be happy, to be focused and loving and attentive. Even in a dark depression your child will need you to put them first.

 

Think carefully about what you want, please, and what resources you have WITHIN YOUR CONTROL.

 

My dad said that his mom (my grandma) told him once that when she found out she was pregnant with him, she cried. He and his older brother are like a year and a half apart? I don't know exactly. Maybe a year. She said she didn't know you could get pregnant so soon after having a kid. (This was the 50s when she had them but still...). Some people do regret having kids. My dad said he knows she loved him and she was a good mom but my uncle and then my aunt were the favorites. He could tell. But she never neglected him. But it happens that someone says that they regret having a kid. And I'm sure there are women who say they are glad they had an abortion. How do you know? You don't. My grandma basically told my dad she regretted getting pregnant with him.

 

Just because someone regrets having kids doesn't mean they don't love them. And why would it be bad for someone to be glad they had an abortion when they did?

 

This is an advice site - what else do people come here for except guidance? She doesn't have to take it.

 

You'd be surprised how many people out there have said out loud they wished they didn't have a kid. Abusive parents do it.

 

I know my dad loved me - but my mom I'm not so sure if she loved any of us more than herself. She was a selfish woman while we grew up and she continually chose an abusive man over us and my dad while she had her affair. Our youngest brother is the result of that affair and he has had to deal with far more than any child should. Luckily my dad raised him - or he wouldn't be the man he is now. Now I have a better relationship with my mom and she says she loves me and all of us and this and that but at times it's very hard to believe after all she's done to us. She didn't regret us - she just wanted babies. Not kids. She likes people to depend on her. So some people do know how their parents truly feel. Some people do have parents who did tell them that they were unwanted. Some don't.

[IAmFCA]

My dad said that his mom (my grandma) told him once that when she found out she was pregnant with him, she cried. He and his older brother are like a year and a half apart? I don't know exactly. Maybe a year. She said she didn't know you could get pregnant so soon after having a kid. (This was the 50s when she had them but still...). Some people do regret having kids. My dad said he knows she loved him and she was a good mom but my uncle and then my aunt were the favorites. He could tell. But she never neglected him. But it happens that someone says that they regret having a kid. And I'm sure there are women who say they are glad they had an abortion. How do you know? You don't. My grandma basically told my dad she regretted getting pregnant with him.

 

Just because someone regrets having kids doesn't mean they don't love them. And why would it be bad for someone to be glad they had an abortion when they did?

 

This is an advice site - what else do people come here for except guidance? She doesn't have to take it.

 

You'd be surprised how many people out there have said out loud they wished they didn't have a kid. Abusive parents do it.

 

I know my dad loved me - but my mom I'm not so sure if she loved any of us more than herself. She was a selfish woman while we grew up and she continually chose an abusive man over us and my dad while she had her affair. Our youngest brother is the result of that affair and he has had to deal with far more than any child should. Luckily my dad raised him - or he wouldn't be the man he is now. Now I have a better relationship with my mom and she says she loves me and all of us and this and that but at times it's very hard to believe after all she's done to us. She didn't regret us - she just wanted babies. Not kids. She likes people to depend on her. So some people do know how their parents truly feel. Some people do have parents who did tell them that they were unwanted. Some don't.

 

You're right.

 

When considering statistics or assuming "most", i would hope the OP considers that not everyone is as willing to report their opinion. Certainly it is more common for abortion people to keep mum and regretful parents to stay quiet. It is where I live, anyway