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He isn't ready for a relationship but he still likes me, where do I stand?


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I'm 22 and I've never been in a relationship before. I started my Master's degree at a new university a few months ago and I met this guy at one of the societies I go to (he's a few years younger but he has had girlfriends before). For a few weeks we just talked at the society, then on a night out with the group we got talking a lot more, and he invited me to an event with him. It went great, we stayed up into the early hours chatting, and we hung out a few more times, always at night and always at his place (it just turned out that way because I live out of town). A week or so into it I was at his place and he asked me on a proper date and we made out, he asked if I wanted to stay the night (I had stayed there before but he slept on the floor) but I couldn't stay because I had to get home. We had our date a few days later, it went well and he told me he had an amazing time, and the next night he came over to my place, we watched some TV and made out again and he left. Then I didn't hear from him and he started taking ages to reply to my messages, and when we went to the society a few days later we sat together but he hardly talked at all. We met for a group meeting a few days later and on the way back home he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship and he thought I was, but that he still really likes me and wants to hang out and watch series etc like we used to. I was kinda surprised, since I thought it was going well, so I didn't really ask what he meant at the time (I don't know how I could have given the impression that I want a relationship), and when we met the next day for a society event he was really distant and awkward. The next day I had to see him for another reason and I was going to ask why he became distant, but he was okay then and we chatted for a while so I didn't bother. But we don't speak online anymore (we used to chat on Facebook quite often) and we don't meet up outside the society like we used to, and I haven't been able to speak to him about it because no one at the society knew about us so we can't talk freely there. We had another meeting a week later and he was chatty to me like before, so again I didn't say anything, but when we went out again as a group the next night he was super distant when l tried to speak to him, and kept breaking away from the group or checking his phone. We broke up for the Christmas holidays and I wished him a happy birthday and we had a brief conversation, and I wished him a happy new year and the same happened, but his replies are always quite short, as though he doesn't want to talk to me and is only replying out of politeness. I won't see him again until the society meets in a few weeks, and by then it would have been about two months since we were together, so I don't know whether I should bring the issue of where we stand up because I don't want him to think I'm hung up on what happened incase he does still want to be friends, but the truth is I really like him so I don't know which is the best way to play it. I don't know if he just wanted to sleep with me, if maybe he broke it off because that didn't happen even though we were making out on each other's beds, but would that be the case when he never tried anything like that or even mentioned sex? I'm a virgin and I felt ready to lose it to him if it came to it, since I'm not ready for a proper relationship either and I do really like him, so should I ask him if that's what he meant? My friends are telling me to just date other people, and there is another guy from the society who is super nice and we get on really well, and he has asked me out and he flirts with me all the time, and I adore him as a person and I can see how ordinarily we would be a really good match, but I can't bring myself to date anyone else because I know I would just end up comparing them to this other guy.

What should I do? Should I give him space and act like nothing happened, or should I ask him what's going on? Is he waiting for me to reach out? Did he break it off because he was jealous of the other guy flirting with me? Will bringing it up after so long freak him out, or is that what he's waiting for? Please help!

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I'm just editing my response to this. He realized you want more than just a hookup or booty call so he's distanced himself from you. He told you he wasn't ready for a relationship and he knows, even if you claim you aren't, that you are already becoming more invested in him than he is you.


This is why he's gone out of touch with you. A guy doesn't lose interest or stop talking you, because other guys flirt with you when you're single and not exclusive to them. They step it up to make sure they get your attention, your dates, and try to become exclusive with you. He just stepped back, because he's not interested in being your boyfriend.


I'm sorry, I know that hurts. But a few good dates and some talking don't make a relationship. Both people being willing to take it forward do and he is showing you repeatedly by his actions that he isn't.


When you see him you be polite and ignore him otherwise and you continue to give him a ton of space, while you have fun and be on the lookout for a guy that wants something serious. He doesn't.

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I wouldn't contact him. He only wants something casual and you clearly want more (and I went through the situation before so I understand what you are feeling). If he really was into you then he wouldn't be distant if another guy was flirting with you.

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Paragraphs are friends


Also, he's just not that into you. He thinks you're fun and nice, and he'd totally have sex with you...but he wouldn't stay the night or call you for a week after...unless he wants sex again, then you'd hear from him.


So let him go. It sucks, I know. But I've waited around for those guys way too many times...and they never pan out. They just waste months/years of your life.

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