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I have an issue that I would like assistance with. Please don't judge. I'm a 49 year old male, 3 years ago I was single and going through family issues, just started working having moved to a new city an had not established any friends yet. My living situation wasn't good, and I had dated unsuccessfully for a few times. While at work, each morning I prayed relentlessly to be relieved of some of my baggage. One day, a woman comes to my school to teach some of my school kids after school part time. When I met the very younger woman there was no interest, I figured she was a lot younger than I was so I paid her no attention, One day she asked me to help her setup a radio for her class, I didn't think it was out of the ordinary, even though as a dance instructor, she should've known how to use a cd player. A week passed by and she asked for my help again. This time she came into my office and we talked, she came on pretty strong. She told me she was 21. I laughed and told her I was 47, and old enough to be her father. She said age didnt matter and that she had a boyfriend who was 39, who she had been involved with for 3 years. But she wasn't happy. We joked and seemed to enjoy each others conversation very much. She then wrote her number down and told me to call her. As I left work later that evening, I pondered whether or not to call her. The age was definitely an issue for me. The next time she visited, she asked why I hadn't called. I explained and she said, age doesn't mean anything, after she left, I called her later that night. She asked me why I didn't try to touch her, when we were alone. I was puzzled. Over the next few months we began to engage in an intense text-phone relationship that dwindled down to a serious continous text "thing." Texting well over 8 hours a day. There were times whIle traveling to various states, we'd text the entire time, 12-15:straight hours! We met one time in a park and started kissing and she allowed me to take down her pants and "finger" her. Then about a month later, she went cold, couldn't see me, stood me up after making a few dates. After I complained, she began sending nude photos of her private area. One day I asked her to send me a "real good" picture, she sent two! A full frontal nudity including her face. Then she sent another with her backside in the air. But she still couldn't meet me or make any concrete plans. Finally she asked me if I was interested in being friends with benefits. I was confused but sad ok. The texts began to get longer and more intimate. I asked what about her boyfriend? She said she wanted both of us. I guess I began to back off, she then stated that she was now my girl but due to the length of time that they had been together and their "history" she couldn't commit to me fully. One day I texted her and she seemed upset. She wouldn't tell me why, when I asked when she wanted to get together she replied angrily that she didn't know and that she didn't want to deal with anyone right now. I began having feelings for her, so obviously, I became upset and I didn't hear from her for about three weeks after sending a plethora of texts and calling relentlessly. This was during the Christmas holidays so my Christmas was horrible. I even ended up totalling wrecking my new vehicle after a drinking binge, and trying to text her while driving fast. It was honestly a near death experience. The next day believe it or not, she texts me from another number, claiming she accidentally broke her phone. (I later learned, her boyfriend had caught her cheating a few weeks earlier and she had thrown her phone in anger after he had confronted her). I didn't here from her until Jan 4. (I later learned she had caught yet again cheating on her boyfriend on New Year's Eve). Anyway she began texting me again. I had a birthday coming and I asked her to make some time for me, of course she didn't, but we continued to text everyday, from hours. In February, I told her I was tired of the games and had met someone that I was interested in. She got very upset and said go be with her. The next few days she began to badger me about the woman, calling her names etc. I was confused, why get mad when you can't be with me? We stopped communicating for about 3 weeks, then one day I was traveling with my new girlfriend and the young lady called me "out of the blue" asking me where was my "name for a female dog". She argued that my new girl friend had contacted her "ex" on Facebook (she claimed she wasn't with him anymore). I pleaded with her that I had no idea of what she was talking about and that my girlfriend didn't know him. About 10 minutes later her boyfriend calls me saying that they were in fact together and that he had discovered an old voice mail that I had left her. He asked me if I had sex with her, I replied that I didn't know her. Then he warned me not to have unprotected sex with her because she had herpes. I then confessed to him that I had been communicating with her, played around a bit, but no sex. I then asked them to leave me alone. Well, that lasted for a few days, she then contacted me saying that she wanted me and how am I gonna be with someone I had just met over her. I fell right back into the text trap. After yet again asking for some time to be with her, I asked her to be honest and tell me what was really going on. She wouldn't respond. I know it's wrong and it breaks the "unwritten" man code. But I called her boyfriend to try and get some answers. Yet again, he confirmed that she lied, that they had recently had sex and that they were still together. He even sent me a copy of a text that she had sent him asking him to bring her some food to her house, stating that he should do it for her since he got what he wanted the other night. I became furious, I sent her the message that he sent to me. I got no response. The next morning I said some foul things to her out of anger. I told her I was gonna meet her boyfriend. She didn't respond. A few hours later her boyfriend and I met face to face and talked. I told him everything and even sent him the pictures that she had sent to me. He was very upset. He called her shortly after and told her many lies, including that I said she and I had sex and that she allowed me to violate her in many ways. She Called me asking why I lied to him. I pleaded with her to believe me that although I sent the pictures to him, I only told him the truth. Believe it or not he showed the pictures to her mother. I later received a call from her mother, asking if I had sex with her daughter. I responded no. She called me a liar and asked me to leave her daughter alone. I said I would but. Her daughter texted me again that night and the day after. Saying please don't kill me, I have a son. I replied I would never do that. That her boyfriend had lied. I never made any threats to her life. She then said she couldn't believe that I sent him the pictures and that she was out of my life for good. Well even though I was in a relationship with someone, I still begged and pleaded with her, until she said she was sure she wanted me to leave her alone. Well I got the message and left her alone. I saw her 7 months later at a game, but I pretended not to see her. 6 months pass and "out of the blue" she texted me! First, she claimed to have the wrong number but then confessed that she missed me and loved me. Although I thought I had completely moved on after a year, I allowed her back into my life. She began to call and text heavily daily. Two weeks after we had sex, yes unprotected for the first time. I began to trust her again. She came to my job every morning and would even meet me after work where we would talk, laugh, fool around and kiss. She told me she loved me and was never leaving me no matter what. Obviously this began to "weigh" heavily on my relationship with my girlfriend. Almost daily she would say that she wanted my baby and that she knew it was the only way that I'd leave my girlfriend. One morning while visiting me, her supposedly "ex" boyfriend calls, she doesn't answer. I said...if you're with me and loved me so much, why is he callin? She said she didn't know. I asked if she was still seeing him she replied no...I love you! Well over the next few weeks I began seeing her less, and the texts began to stop. I became angry again. She said he was showing up everywhere she went and that he even tried to force himself on her, yet when I said I'd take care of it, she didn't want me to contact him. She claims that she needed help financially and went to him. All the while telling me she didn't see or speak to him anymore. The text then stopped. I texted her but her responses were short with no feeling or affection. I again called her names out of anger. She claims that she isn't in contact with him but doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I became irate, begging, pleading and once again being very verbally abusive. She then claimed that she had someone new. I threatened to send the pictures to her "new" boyfriend cause she lied to me, played with my emotions claiming she needed time away and that there was no one else. She told me she was forever done with me. Yes, I begged and pleaded again. I then asked her if she was sure she didn't love me, she said she didn't know and that she needed some time. Well that's the whole story. I feel that she's gonna come back again. I just hope that she waits a long time, because the next time she does. I want to be strong enough not to fall for her mess again. Please help and provide some advice. I always considered myself a strong man until I met HER.

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She's shown you who she is, why not just block her number? Your behaviour is also extremely concerning here...threatening to expose and sharing nude pictures of her isn't cool, along with admitting you were verbally abusive to her...this whole thing is a disaster. You two are toxic. Delete and block, if she contacts you from another number block that number.


And break up with your current girlfriend, you've been doing exactly what this girl did to you to her! She deserves better.

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My eyes hurt, Jon Snow indeed. But I made it through the white text walkers, so here's my two cents. Take it or leave it, it's up to you. But here's the deal - what part of taking up with someone who is a cheater is not going to turn out well for you did you not understand in the first place?


Also threatening to post pics of someone is illegal, revenge porn I believe it's called, and the law has started coming down on people with both boots over it. So nope, if someone is nice enough to send you pics of their naughty bits be grateful for that and a gentleman and no matter how mad you are at her, and your own lack of judgement getting mixed up with her in the first place, you don't have a right to "expose" anything beyond the "heads up, your girl is a cheater" you've already done to her regular boyfriend.


Block, delete, burn the pics and move on. Learn your lesson, the next time anyone tells you "I'm not happy with my relationship, care to join me in a bit of naughty fun?" you run like mad the other way unless you are totally down for never having them be loyal to you, messing you about, and regularly tossing you under the bus in favor of the person they're already with.


You both behaved badly, now it's up to you to walk away, end things, and don't look back.


P.S. And you're with your current girlfriend why? Why did you go and involve her in this mess to begin with?

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