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What are his intentions, I am totally confused


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My friend introduce me to this guy who is 10 years older then me. She said that he is nice, funny and as he said, looking for a life partner. He lives in another state, but due to work, travels to my city very often. At the beginning we were texting each other and made a deal him to call me when he is coming in my city. He called, I was working in my restaurant and since I couldn’t go out with him at that period of the day, we decided him to come to my work. He came, we talked for a couple of hours (I was working in meantime) and he left to catch his flight. After one week, he came again and ask me out for a dinner. We went in one bar/restaurant and he was super relaxed, acting very nicely like a real gentlemen, ordering bottle of wine, talking nicely with the server and stuffs like that. We had a really good time, getting to know each other. Nothing happened, he drove me back home and made a deal to see each other again when he is coming in my city.

In the next couple of months, he came 3 or 4 time and we were going out for a dinner in nice restaurants, having fun and talking for 3-4 hours nonstop. Meanwhile, we were texting, but like Hi, how are you, how is your day… once I mentioned that I really need a vacation and I need to consider having some, he replied, come with me in Hawaii next month, be my guest. I was speechless, I said I would love to, but let’s not exaggerate. He was like, ok, but if you change your mind, the offer is still open.

After all the dinners we had, drinks at some bar and again just driving me back home. I noticed that he is acting little flirty, I was acting flirty as well, but nobody took the move. The last time we went out, one week ago, we went for a drinks, again spent 3-4 hours together, and at the end of the night, he kissed me and it was very nice. We stayed in the bar for a couple of hours, kissing and hugging, he drove me back home and that’s it. We didn’t talk anything.

During the kissing night, he smiled and couple of times told me, why don't you come with me in Hawaii, I was just laughing and said, stop joking me with me, and he said again with jokes, noo I am not joking. Then I changed the subject.

After the kissing night, 3 days later I texted him, that I was really surprised that he kissed me, he asked me was it good or bad and I said very good but I just didn't expect it. He just smiled and said I am glad you liked it.

One day later, at 2am, I got a text message, have you changed your mind about coming in Hawaii? I didn't reply since I was sleeping and the next day I said how about we see each other these days? He said, I am really busy with work these days. I replied ok, I am really confused about your offer for Hawaii, I really thought you are joking. What do you say if I come to your city and spend couple of hours together? Believe it or not, he just replied,

"I am joking, how serious you are lol". I was left speechless, just replied, haha ok, and that's it.

What is wrong with him? Talking me out for a dinners, acting like a real gentlemen, kissing me only not even pushing me for something more, asking me for Hawaii (which I really thought he was joking, but still when someone mentions it 4 times, you would start thinking that he is serious). and then at the end,sorry I was joking. Please help, I don't understand.

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No. I also wouldn't go on 3 - 4 dates with someone in a different state. The dynamic between you two is pretty much centered around travel anyhow (at least for him), so I guess it's a little more understandable. But if you were trying to avoid a honeymoon-esque Hawaiian vacation where he'd most likely be expecting some tail, then you made the right choice turning him down.

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Because he wasn't joking. You simply brushed off his request so many times that now he's saving face.


this ^


After several dates you question why he kissed you and were surprised?

Isn't that what you are supposed to do when you date?

Especially after around 8 dates. You should have been surprise that he didn't kiss you sooner.


Again, he invites you on a trip. You could have been flattered and assumed the guy was really into you and instead you challenged him more than once. You continue putting him in a position to defend his actions and having to reassure you.


Your vibe comes off a little insecure and mistrusting and he lost interest due to that. I am not advocating that you go or not go on the trip with him, but men don't like feel like their integrity is being challenged. Especially when he very well could have had the best of intentions.

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I wasn't surprised when he kissed me, I was worried why he didn't do that until then.

I cannot be 100% sure that he doesn't have girlfriend back home, but as far as what my friend told me, he is single, looking for a life partner. That's how she introduce me to him, like get to know each other, maybe something will come out of it, if nothing, one more friend is always welcomed.

He seems very reasonable, smart and modern. He has a stable job, paying much attention about his family and very well behaved.

What I was really surprised is the offer about Hawaii and the way he said it. First it was through texts, like let me take you to Hawaii with me from this date to this. I w as like hey great, Hawaii is great destination, he replied, If you want, be my guest.

We haven't even kissed until then, just 3-4 dates. That's why I didn't get it seriously. After that when we met, he mentioned again, like why don't you wanna come with me, but smiling in between. And then, text at 2am: Have you changed your mind about Hawaii?

I really didn't wanna rush into anything, so that's why I was trying to avoid this offer and plus I couldn't and still can't understand how somebody would give me such a offer.

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What wrong with this offer to seal the deal. He is probably on an expense account, it wouldn't cost him much extra and you hinted that you wanted a vacation.

I mentioned that I really need a vacation and I need to consider having some, he replied, come with me in Hawaii next month, be my guest.
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