Will I EVER find love like this again? Having a hard time

[IsaacT]

Hey everyone,

 

I'm sure there are a million posts like this, but it would just help to get out what I'm feeling and get some personal feedback.

 

My girlfriend and I (20 and 22) were together for almost a year, and the relationship consisted almost exclusively of amazing highs and excruciating lows. She can be incredibly loving and affectionate, but this would sometimes come off in an unhealthy way (getting hysterically upset when I would hang out with my friends instead of her; manipulating me by showering me with love and lust when I was upset with her, etc.). She made me feel like I was the most important, most lovable person in the world.

 

For the past few months, things have been on-and-off in a never ending power struggle about who hurt the other person most recently, and whose turn it is to grovel, etc. The distance has made everything harder. We both desperately want to be able to happy together (right now I feel like I'm the one who wants that more, but that tends to change almost on a weekly basis).

 

This was my first true love and I just have this terrible fear that I'll never be able to love like this again and that I'll always compare people to her in the future in some way. She has voiced the same fear.

 

I'm trying so hard to let go with confidence and to convince myself that this relationship might not be the healthiest thing for either of us, despite how intense our love can be. Does anyone have any advice for this? Thanks so much in advance.

[Wiseman2]

Try not to mistake intensity and the resulting attachment as love. Toxicity is not love it's a thrill ride.

 

The roller coaster ride will keep going for as long as you are both getting off on it or you burn out or it gets worse and the thrill escalates into cheating, abuse and all those other cool things ahead on this trajectory you two are on.

amazing highs and excruciating lows. She can be incredibly loving and affectionate, but this would sometimes come off in an unhealthy way getting hysterically upset when I would hang out with my friends instead of her; manipulating me by showering me with love and lust when I was upset with her, etc. things have been on-and-off in a never ending power struggle about who hurt the other person most recently, and whose turn it is to grovel, etc.

[limichelle]

You aren't going to want a love like this again, it doesn't even sound like love or anywhere near it! True love is being selfless and building someone up with no manipulation and head games.

 

Lisa