I just don't know what to do :(

[Caramela3543]

I am 31 years old and my mother lives with me because she is unable to work and I take care of her. She helps me with my three kids which is a blessing. She is my rock and my best friend. I have been in an off and on relationship with this guy for 7 years now. He has hurt me and I have hurt him in the past... and many of times I stopped talking to him because of my mother. We have now reconnected again and talked things through and have decided to give us another chance and finally take that step to be longterm seriously. Problem is my mother loathes him. She does not think he is right for me and has bad vibes about him. She's seen me sad, crying, and stood up by him in the past. And now that we've been talking, I feel like a teenage sneaking around and lying just to be with him.. I don't want him to come to my home because of the way I know she will react when seeing him. And I just don't know what to do!! Should I listen to her? She gives the best advice ever... she always has the right answer and what to say... so should I listen.. or should I jeopardize my relationship with her and be with him? I just don't know what to do...

[CurlyQSue]

don't ever jeopardize your relationship with your family.....at least the ones you hold so close (your mother!) for a sometimy kinda relationship. of course she isn't going to agree with it if she has seen how much he can hurt you....maybe she is right. But at the same time....do you honestly believe things are different between you and this guy? Is it worth trying again? Does your mom get in the way of any other relationships you may have tried to have? Maybe you and your mom need to talk but just remember you are a big girl too and you need to be happy. Don't let this ruin things between you and your mom though.

[gebaird]

Has he hurt you physically, or has it just been an emotional struggle? Is he abusive, or just unstable? What makes you think a relationship with him will work this time when it's failed in the past? Is your mom antagonistic towards anyone you date, or just him? Is there someone else you can ask--someone who knows you and they guy--for an objective opinion?

 

The bottom line is that you are an adult and fully capable of making your own decisions. Being in a relationship with this guy might be a bad idea, but it's your mistake to make. Talk to your mom, if she'll listen to reason, and tell her what's going on. Ask her to accept your choice and, if she won't, establish good boundaries that will protect you and your guy from her negativity.

[arjumand]

Seriously, is there no one else you can date? You two seem to have a really unhealthy dynamic, why don't you stop seeing him, take some time, and see about other prospects. You also might want to work on yourself to determine why such a tumultuous and unpleasant relationship is one you want to keep returning to.

[j.man]

Involve your loved ones in your relationship problems and this is what tends to happen. Sorry, but after 7 years of "on and off" and her having seen you repeatedly cry over him in the past, he'll never be in her good graces.

 

Personally, after 7 years of something not working out, I tend to think "maybe it's time to try something else." And even if stability isn't really your thing, surely your three might appreciate some. But I suppose if you must insist, give your mother the option to respect your home and the choices you make in it or kick her out and pay for a daycare.

 

Whose kids are they? His?

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately, you'll have to decide whether the attachment to your mother is interfering with your love life in general or if relationships are even viable with the arrangement you have.

 

On another plane is dating a guy on/off 7 YEARS with toxicity and abuse. Perhaps the over-controlling nature of your mother's presence makes dating bad-boys more enticing?

my mother lives with me.She is my rock and my best friend. Problem is my mother loathes him. lying just to be with him.

[SooSad33]

Imo... your mother knows best...

 

Yet again you are sitting in 'hope'.. when this has never worked out in the past with him.

 

Why did he come around.. again? Because he knows your weakness?

 

If it hasn't worked out before.. why go there.. again? Will the same thing not happen.. again?

[catfeeder]

I don't think your Mom is the reason that things won't work out with this guy. You're skulking around like a teenager, and that plots you and the dude as Romeo and Juliet 'around' a parent who misunderstands you--making her the villain. She's seen 7 years of this, probably a lot more clearly than you.

 

What, exactly, does this guy bring to the table that's so fabulous beyond being an unsolved puzzle?