Maybe in the wrong place

[robble85]

I can't even bring myself to even text someone on a dating site I find it very difficult to even write this that someone knows my thoughts I guess it makes me feel open and extremely vulnerable I had no problem largely when I was younger but I got burnt badly twice by the same girl I'm over her but it has obviously left me with trust issues, my mother also left my father round that period. I'm now 31 haven't had any relationship since I was a teenager haven't even talked to a woman in any other way than platonic with no ideas of romance I would almost say I was abstinent but not true if someone had showed an interest maybe. so I not even sure I can talk to someone in a way that expresses feelings towards them it scares me so much the way I was brought up I'm a stone to emotions already and the events in my life have made me build a huge wall around them even more so, though inside that's not who I am I'm actually really emotional and sensitive (in a good way lol) I have a real caring nature I obviously have a low opinion of myself but on top of all this I've struggled with depression since I can't remember I believe I'm bipolar to be honest I also have all sorts of other crap up in my head that maybe isn't for here I don't know one of my closest friends dying in an accident at 22 my dog being put down a few years ago I have never really gotten past these things I think I lack any coping mechanism. Not to mention the multiple daily existential crises I have I'm a ridiculously deep thinker analysing every aspect of life and now I'm rambling. So basically I'm a psycho who would want to date me lol.

[Applewhite]

If you wrote someone a message, whats the worst that can happen?

[robble85]

That beyond the surface talk you have to show the real you and that they might decide that they don't like me and that leaves you broken because it's confirmation of the negative opinions about myself? The funny thing is I have little confidence self esteem yet at the same time think of my self as intelligent and not the worst looking(although years of not looking after myself are taking their toll) I play the guitar I'm very opinionated and can hold conversations fairly easily but still I don't know the thing is I've spent the last decade and some telling myself negative things I think I probably need more than just dating tips hah not getting younger though and I've got some misguided notion about wanting children someday not looking likely!

[Applewhite]

Say you tool a chance amd they decude they dint like you, what have you lost? Everything to gain, nothing to lose!

[robble85]

Any remaining self esteem and respect for myself the 2nd time I was burnt before I was seeing a lass and thought you only live once well I told her just how I felt turns out she wasn't that interested and sort of seeing someone else at the same time I mean we weren't exclusive but that's not for me and it hurt badly so now I tend to stop myself "taking a chance"

[catfeeder]

I found it helpful to reduce fear of dating by boiling it down to a bunch of people all carrying puzzle pieces and meeting one another to see if they match. Most do NOT fit together, and that's just about odds, not about a deficiency in any given person.

 

Given that your fears are so debilitating, have you considered working with a therapist? People have no trouble hiring a plumber or a tax preparer for their practical areas of expertise, but what could be more practical than your quality of life?

 

I'd make it my goal for 2017 to recognize and appreciate my unique value. We all have it, and you don't need to 'do' anything beyond relax into yourself in order to honor it. Self esteem isn't parent esteem or teacher esteem or GF esteem, it's SELF esteem. You get to decide whether you'll trash yours over any woman who doesn't own the vision to view you through the right lens.

 

Head high.

[robble85]

Thanks for the replies both of you. I appreciate you taking time out your day to reply. I know your right the thought how can anybody love me if I don't love myself comes to mind. To be honest I can preach pretty well just putting things into practice is the difficult part!

[catfeeder]

Thanks for the replies both of you. I appreciate you taking time out your day to reply. I know your right the thought how can anybody love me if I don't love myself comes to mind. To be honest I can preach pretty well just putting things into practice is the difficult part!

 

I hear. Why not preach it to a therapist so you can gain some tools and techniques to take the edge of of your fears?

[robble85]

I would like to but the funding has been cut to the bone for mental health services and they are not best I was told to join a local group for men who do diy to get out more. I dont have social issues with friends I have friends and I get the vibe if your not suicidal they put you at the bottom of a pile although I have Been in the past I go through phases and it's usually an up phase when I visit mind so not feeling bad at that time and when it comes to dating I think they are not interested although I've never seen an actual psychologist I get palmed off with counsellors(I think you can do a 6 week course for that). this is one of the main reasons I get down being alone for such a long time it's killing me slowly. Not really expecting anyone to be able to help on here just nice to finally vent one or two things.