Help! he was planning to leave me or just manipulative?

[Juliaml20]

Hi guys! I was thinking about my past relationship and I wanted to ask you.

The last month of our relationship was very difficult, first, he was all over me, telling me that I was the love of his life.

Then, I started to get clingy and the first thing i said that he doest not like it, he started to say that our relationship was over, etc etc

But then, we made out and started to say something like "i want to spend my life with you, you are perfect"

But then the cycle repeated.

First he seems all over into me, and then by little things he got angry and say something in order to finisg the relationship.

The last argument was just like that, first I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH, and 5 minutes later THIS RELATIONSHIP IS WORTHLESS, but this time I said, ok, bye, we're over,

then he said, I really love you, i dont care if you dont believe it

The next day he sent 2 messages which i didnt reply to them, and since then (1 week) nothing!

Do you think he was trying to leave or that he was manipulative?

Help!

and also, i dont know if im the dumpee or dumper

[DancingFool]

Both, all of the above and then some. Does it really matter? What matters is that he was acting like a jerk and treating you like dirt, jerking you around, etc. and you had the self respect and the courage to say "enough of this and walk away". Kudos! I wish more people did what you did. You really deserve applause and a huge pat on the back for that.

 

As for dumper/dumpee. Sounds like he as trying to end things in a passive aggressive kind of way, aka really sh$tty cowardly way where instead of ending things like an adult, he started to pick arguments and treat you like dirt to drive you into breaking up with him. You pulled the trigger and actually walked on him as you should have done. Can't say bravo, hurrah, good job to you enough. Too many people in your shoes will continue to take the garbage and linger on and on and suffer. So much better to end it and walk away with your head held high. This guy isn't worth another thought from you.

[browser]

He sounds rather fickle.

 

Hard to rely on such a person, there's just no expectation of consistency.

 

Rather difficult to plan a life and maybe even a family around that.

[Juliaml20]

Than you, it took a lot of courage from me to do it. But then, I feel bad, I feel like he was fooling me around telling me that he loved me so much. Those were lies? And then, why he sent me then messages after i told him that I dont wanna to know anything about him anymore?

[Juliaml20]

Yes, you are right. BuI feel like and I don't know what to think about iF HE WAS SO in love with me then why behave like that? So difficult.

[DancingFool]

Than you, it took a lot of courage from me to do it. But then, I feel bad, I feel like he was fooling me around telling me that he loved me so much. Those were lies? And then, why he sent me then messages after i told him that I dont wanna to know anything about him anymore?

 

Manipulative people will manipulate, jerk around, want to have the last word, string you along, etc. He was probably a bit surprised that you found the courage, the self respect, and refused to be strung along so quickly. So he tried to reel you in for a bit, as in I don't want you but I want to flatter my ego that I can manipulate you kind of a thing. Don't be surprised if he tries again in awhile. Just continue to ignore him or better yet, block him so he doesn't pop up exactly at that moment when you are just about over him and ready to move forward. Ex's tend to have amazing timing on that and that sets you back unnecessarily.

 

Love is fickle thing, he may have loved you, but lately, the way he was treating you, that is not love. Always look at both words and actions and be sure they match up. In this case, they weren't matching anymore.

[Juliaml20]

thanks for your response. I'm trying to get the courage to get over him. I'm so angry, after I told him that, he started to follow on twitter 2 girls, because of them we had a lot of problems and discussion. Is he trying to make me feel like by these actions?

[DancingFool]

thanks for your response. I'm trying to get the courage to get over him. I'm so angry, after I told him that, he started to follow on twitter 2 girls, because of them we had a lot of problems and discussion. Is he trying to make me feel like by these actions?

 

Instead of trying to divine out his reasons, block him from all social media and just work on moving on. A jerk is a jerk and you deserve better and that's that. The less you see of what he is doing and with whom, the better. Understand that once you are broken up, what your ex is doing is no longer about you. He is doing what pleases him and moving on. I'd say if he is already following and flirting with other girls, he really was picking fights in order to get out of the relationship. It happens. Use your anger to move on rather than keep dwelling on why cowards and jerks act like...themselves.

[ParisPaulette]

He sounds like he's got some serious emotional issues that have little to do with you beyond you let him do that to you way too long. Stay walked away or expect a ton more of this on/off weird behavior. It will just keep getting worse, because he's the problem. Your only problem is you didn't dump him the first time he pulled it.

 

No one normal who is emotionally healthy and sane (or at least relatively so) tells someone they are the love of their life then turns around and turns on them. No one.

 

You did good, stop second guessing yourself. Don't look back, don't let someone else do that to you again.

[Juliaml20]

Yes, i dumped him some other times before this one, the difference is that in that period we were on college (at the same), we're on holidays so I'm "free".

But the other times he was just looking for me, begging for another chance, crying and coming to my place, and this time NOTHING! just 2 messages after I dumped him

[Jibralta]

I think he is manipulative. Don't waste too much time trying to figure out why. Some people are just like that. It's like that old folktale with the scorpion and the frog:

 

A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the

scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The

frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion

says, "Because if I do, I will die too."

 

The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream,

the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of

paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown,

but has just enough time to gasp "Why?"

 

Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."

 

Just accept it and move on. Next time, you'll know better.

[SooSad33]

I agree with the others.

 

I dont know how long you two were together.. but this is NOT love.

 

He was all over the place in the end. In and out.. repeat.

This is SHOWING you he is UNstable. No one needs that! Like someone once said.. Mindf*k. Totally.

 

I know a few in this same state of mind. Lead you on for a while.. then nothing.. then they come back-- to do it again!

After one encounter in the last year, I tried to 'get to know' a friend.. he did this too.

 

Took me less than a month to realize the Red Flags.. and what was going on.

 

Simple enough, some just can NOT do it. They can't keep a relationship. It's on them. We don't have the mental or emotional energy to take on their Instability. No need.

 

Back away.. stay away. No more head games! Take care of YOU now....