I don't know what to do...

[Shiningstars17]

I posted a few days ago about my ex professor inviting me for some food. The truth of the matter is I'm totally infatuated with him and I have been ever since I was his student and ever since I have left (we haven't met face to face just social media and no real contact until a couple of weeks ago). We are both single and I really want something to happen between us, even just a fling (I know that is ridiculous - he is a lot older). He has a reputation for being quite promiscuous (rumours no real evidence). He offered to help me with my PHD work as I've been working on it for a couple of years now, but why would he then suggest food? Am I being totally narcissistic and hoping that something could actually happen? I would never ever make any moves, but I'm worried that it will be obvious I'm attracted to him. I've read up online on this kind of thing and often people can desire someone so much they falsely believe that the feelings are mutual. I could really use his help but very confused as to why I feel this way. As cheesy as it sounds I have been attracted from the moment I saw him and thr feelings have only intensified - without actually seeing each other in person.

[butterfly45]

I say grow up and focus on your PhD.

[melancholy123]

You know what will probably happen if you meet this guy for lunch. You will jeopardize yourself and your studies by getting mixed up with him. It's not like you dont know his reputation.

 

Wise up, focus on your degree.

[Jibralta]

I posted a few days ago about my ex professor inviting me for some food. The truth of the matter is I'm totally infatuated with him and I have been ever since I was his student and ever since I have left (we haven't met face to face just social media and no real contact until a couple of weeks ago). We are both single and I really want something to happen between us, even just a fling (I know that is ridiculous - he is a lot older). He has a reputation for being quite promiscuous (rumours no real evidence). He offered to help me with my PHD work as I've been working on it for a couple of years now, but why would he then suggest food? Am I being totally narcissistic and hoping that something could actually happen? I would never ever make any moves, but I'm worried that it will be obvious I'm attracted to him. I've read up online on this kind of thing and often people can desire someone so much they falsely believe that the feelings are mutual. I could really use his help but very confused as to why I feel this way. As cheesy as it sounds I have been attracted from the moment I saw him and thr feelings have only intensified - without actually seeing each other in person.

 

I understand the crush, and the need to go forward knowing that the whole thing is probably doomed. I was a real sucker for a crush for a while. All I can say is, although you have no illusions about his reputation, that will probably not prevent hurt feelings if you do become involved with him and it fails. Personally, I had to go through that pattern quite a bit before I became sick of it. What can I say, it was fun.

[DancingFool]

Meeting over lunch to talk business is pretty normal and common. There is nothing specifically romantic about food. It's only because you are so infatuated that you are trying to make this out to be something more.

 

Anyway, since you have such an out of control crush on him, I'd say either don't get involved with him business wise, aka your PhD subject, and just keep far away from him until you get over this crush, OR drop the business aspect and ask him for a date and see how that goes. DO NOT combine romance and work or you will learn a whole other kind of painful lesson on that.