Advice for moving on -bipolar or just an idiot?

[Camilee2003]

Hi all,

 

I was in a relationship with a man who has bipolar. Now he said he'd stopped being medicated a couple of years ago as he didn't need it anymore, and he seemed very 'normal' to start with so that didn't really concern me. There were warning signs things were odd from the start, he had low self esteem, was down sometimes and really rushed into the 'I love you' ,'ive never loved anyone as much as you, I've never trusted anyone as much as you....cant wait to come home to you each day, you're the only one, marriage etc....' told me how perfect and amazing I was etc all the time. I fell for it all, as I imagine a lot of women would. He was handsome and charismatic and full of life. Who doesn't want to be adored! I felt like we really connected and shared intimate thoughts and feelings. I also thought we were friends as that's how we started off. It was only over the period of about five months. He also seemed very hyper sexual at times....but i have no idea if that was a bipolar thing, or just a horny man thing! We're in our 30s so this wasn't a teenage lust issue.

 

Then he suddenly cut off all contact. I found out myself he had started seeing another woman as I contacted her! He then finally angrily admitted it, but rather than an apology or explanation, just told me I'd ruined things for him and to not contact him and that as the last I heard from him ever. But she told me he'd cried his eyes out to her at the thought of losing her (this was after about a week of them dating).

 

I'm really struggling to get closure and move on. I can also see she's dating him still as she's posting constant happy couple photos of them on social media. I keep trying to stop looking, but it's so difficult. I have no problem with her, if anything I feel a bit sorry for her. But she had been warned so it was up to her. I'm getting out with friends more and staying active and not moping and some days I'll be fine, but I keep going back to all the questions I have and then feel sad again, probably mainly that I go at duped so badly.

 

I don't want to be with him as he treated me so badly without any guilt, and just imagining a future with someone like that doesn't bare thinking about, but part of me is so angry he's got to be happy when I'm feeling so sad. I also can't tell if it was even bipolar related or if he was just a player with no conscience. I mean I know people date multiple people right at the start sometimes as they're trying to find the right person, but why would you pretend you were deeply in love with someone, whilst actively also looking for another woman/women? Or is that a thing nowadays that people do?

 

I know no one can tell me what was going on in his head, but if anyone has had a similar experience or advice to move on that'd be great.

[greta96]

First of all, I'm sorry you're going through this, breakups are never easy... I don't think what happened has anything to do with him being bipolar, it was just the typical 'too fast too soon' situation where one of the partners rushes things through and does a lot of future faking, and those situations usually end the way yours did.

Some people think they fall in love quickly, they get overly excited and hot and heavy at the beginning, only to get bored and check out just as quickly. This happens because they are in love with the idea of being in love, but the reality is that their feelings were superficial and never had a chance to mature and deepen. It's not just a nowadays issue, this has happened since the beginning of time, many people keep looking for the next best thing while in a relationship with someone else, and it won't change anytime soon because it's human nature. Also, some people are in it for the thrill of the chase, but as soon as they accomplish their missions they lose interest and start chasing their next victim.

 

When you meet someone who is clearly trying to rush things and declares love too soon for comfort, take it as a warning signal. I know it's tempting to believe 'this is it, we are just meant to be', and nobody says you should end things then and there, but be cautious. Take a step back, and guard your heart until you see they mean everything they say.

 

The only way you can move on is by going full no contact, which means no more checking their social media, no more talking to mutual friends about them, etc. You dodged a bullet, and this is all you need to know. What happens between them is not your business, and you shouldn't let it affect the way you feel. He may do the same to her, he may not...the only thing that matters is what he did to you, and that you can (and will) do much better.

[HockeyFan]

Hey Camilee,

Regardless of whether or not he's bipolar, borderline, or any other possible personality disorder - what matters here is you and how you feel. I spent too many years reading, studying, analyzing and trying to figure out what I just went through with some of the relationships I've had in the past. I understand you need some form of closure, to move on properly - sometimes that just comes in time. From experience though - I would suggest you try not to spend too much time wondering what he is, and what his issues are, and instead - bring full attention to the fact that you know you don't deserve to be treated that way - it's not who you are, or what you would do to someone - and move on. Easier said than done - I understand that - I'm currently working my way through a breakup as well. The bottom line - it doesn't matter who they are, or what they do - we had our experience with them, we learn from that and we move on to find someone better for us. In time.....

[pippy longstocking]

Hey Camilee,

Regardless of whether or not he's bipolar, borderline, or any other possible personality disorder - what matters here is you and how you feel. I spent too many years reading, studying, analyzing and trying to figure out what I just went through with some of the relationships I've had in the past. I understand you need some form of closure, to move on properly - sometimes that just comes in time. From experience though - I would suggest you try not to spend too much time wondering what he is, and what his issues are, and instead - bring full attention to the fact that you know you don't deserve to be treated that way - it's not who you are, or what you would do to someone - and move on. Easier said than done - I understand that - I'm currently working my way through a breakup as well. The bottom line - it doesn't matter who they are, or what they do - we had our experience with them, we learn from that and we move on to find someone better for us. In time.....

 

I agree with this totally op ...i have bi polar and I do to myself what you are doing to him ...analysing every action and every word ... and really it doesn't matter ..we all are ..what we are ....and he went full on ..then buggered off leaving you sat there wondering what the hell has just gone on ... I know people none mental health who are like this ...I have had friends , they are in love within a week , engaged after a month and you just sit face palming , because by 6 months they are declaring their undying love for another .

 

He doesn't deserve any more time from you ..let your mind close it down , put the lid on the box and you get yourself happy again darling .

[Camilee2003]

Thanks all. I really hope I can shut off the feelings soon. I have a lot else going on in my life which is far more important right now, but still this issue keeps becoming an obsessive thought, it's so frustrating. I think I'm just so angry he treated me so badly, yet gets to be blissfully happy with the woman he left me for. Doing all the things he promised we'd be doing together...almost like he's picked her up and slotted her nicely into the gap I was in! lol That and I feel incredibly embarrassed I let myself be fooled and sucked in by his lies and let myself be used. It sounds horrible, but part of me just wants to see them split...just to almost validate the fact that the issue wasn't me, I know that's pretty sad though!

[katara42]

It sounds horrible, but part of me just wants to see them split...just to almost validate the fact that the issue wasn't me, I know that's pretty sad though!

 

You made me smile with this! I understand the feeling. Kind of like wanting to see some justice. I hope you're having an ok day.

[Camilee2003]

You made me smile with this! I understand the feeling. Kind of like wanting to see some justice. I hope you're having an ok day.

 

Haha glad I made you smile I know right - where's 'karma' when you need it! I don't care I'm not dating him, as I fell for a man who didn't really exist, it's just until they split it's still in my head that it's only me he didn't have respect for lol Which may well be true! My gut says otherwise though x

[katara42]

Haha glad I made you smile I know right - where's 'karma' when you need it! I don't care I'm not dating him, as I fell for a man who didn't really exist, it's just until they split it's still in my head that it's only me he didn't have respect for lol Which may well be true! My gut says otherwise though x

You are speaking my thoughts lol - fell for a man who didn't really exist...

 

Hope your day has been a good one

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this . It certainly could be both . He's an idiot and happens to have bipolar disorder. You dodged a bullet.

I found out myself he had started seeing another woman as I contacted her!