Breaking up

[Sambo 2016]

Hello. I'm kind of looking for some advice about how to move on! I was with my ex for seven years and throughout that we had really great times and some bad times like most relationships. so last September she had a few weeks away from our flat saying that she needed space with which I really struggled to give her because I was so scared she would leave me! And the same time a year on just after coming back from Florence's for a week, she said I think we need a break? im going to stay in my friends mums flat for a week! So long story short a week passes and she then says to me that it's over and I was completely destroyed. We had been in the process of buying a house which made us both very stressed and sometimes I wondered if settling down scared her? (my sister had told me that my ex had said to her is this it now! You just settle down and have kids?) It's now been three months and there is seldom any contact apart from if I go away she will look after the cat we had. I'm struggling to be alone and feel like my interest for anything has gone. it's like I can't seem to shake her from my memory. I'm thirty years old and have never been as open to someone as I was with her, literally felt so free to be myself and that's what I hadn't found in someone until her. We liked the same music,films,books and was both interested in walking in the countryside so it was like we was a great match but our own inner struggles destroyed a good thing. We'd known each other since sixteen and I'd always fancied her even back then so I still feel like she was the one

 

Sorry if that was a little disjointed but any questions/advice I would really appreciate

 

Thanks

Sam

[MissCanuck]

Sadly, if she doesn't want to be together, there's not much you can do but continue to push forward in your healing.

 

My guess is that she wasn't scared to settle down in general, but knew that she didn't have the right feelings anymore to do with you.

 

You need more time to recover. After 7 years, it's normal that you would need several months to really begin to feel better. I can understand that you feel lost and disinterested in general. This is part of the breakup process. Have you tried to get out with friends or family members? Tried a new activity or hobby to occupy some of your time? I know it's hard when you just don't feel like it, but it really does help.

[Sambo 2016]

Thanks Miss canuck.

 

I completely understand and agree with what your saying about my ex. maybe Im finding hard because it was out of the blue! Seven years dissolved in seven days. We was even speaking about having children at the end of 2016. It's mad how someone you love and who you think loves you can just up and leave then cut you out like that.

 

I'm back to work now and try to make a effort to go walking most nights. Can't really get into all my hobbies like listening to music watching films and running. I'm still in the flat we shared at the moment with basically everything we brought over the last few years. Think I should make a effort about looking for somewhere else to live because when she moved out it was literally a thirty second walk from the place we shared.

 

I try to see friends as much as I can. You see most of them have famalies and partners so it's hard to visit them because they're all living there lives.