After some advice

[Tillielou2]

Hi! I stumbled across this forum whilst searching on google, & since I have no real friends to talk too, I was wondering if someone could give me some impartial advice.

 

Firstly, I'm late 30's, divorced with 2 children. I started a relationship with my best friend around 18 months ago and it ended in August after i moved around a 3/4 hour drive away for a new job & for my kids to be closer to their Dad. He decided because of that (& a maybe issue of him messaging/sexting another woman, he denies it, she says they did. I don't know.)

We message on and off, spoken on the phone a few times etc, but he's adamant he can't do the distance.

 

Anyway, Long story short. He messaged me on Friday night to ask how I was, I didn't reply because I was out with work colleagues & it only said "how you doing?"

 

Saturday morning I get

 

"How come you've told (2 mutual friends) you're back in town soon & not me?"

So I replied with "because I'm not sure it's not a good idea to hear from or to see you"

"The world is full of bad ideas! If I'm not working, it'd be good to see you"

 

We then exchanged a day of messages. He asked what I was up too on NYE, I said not much. He said neither was he. He then commented that I looked hot on my what's app pic and seeing it had made his new years.

I ended up meeting up with my ex sister in law in a bar & didn't get in until the early hours, so stopped messaging him around 10pm. He sent a message just after midnight wishing me a happy New Years.

Yesterday afternoon i get a message saying 'good night last night?' I put 'happy New Years! Yeah, great. Didn't get in until 4.30am though! Tired 😴 '

He put 'dirty stop out! Thought you were drunk when you stopped messaging at 10!'

So I replied with something like

'lol! Was having a great night, & good job I stopped messaging, not sure you wanted drunk texts!'

He put 'I'd never not want to hear from you'

 

I thought screw it, I'm not playing games. I'm 38 years old.

 

Ended up replying with

'look I'm in town on the 13th, I don't know if want to catch up, but it'd be nice to see you' it took him an hour and I got 'I'm sure we'll catch up at some point'

So I put 'don't worry. Too much has happened. I get you don't want too.'

 

My reply? None. I've deleted what's app knowing he won't attempt to contact me in any other way.

Should I just cut him off from now on? He says he still cares, flirts, compliments, then that?

[gebaird]

Yeah, you don't need this in your life -- a guy who is hot and cold and messing with your head. Who ends a relationship JUST because of a 45-minute drive? Only someone who doesn't want to be tied down.

 

Block him, drop him and run. Don't be his friend, his FWB, or his ANYTHING. Find a man who's willing to commit, and who doesn't run away the first chance he gets.

[browser]

He might be playing the age old game of "hard to get" because he thinks it works for him.

 

He might very well like you but doesn't know how to go about letting you know this because he's simply chosen the wrong strategy which might very well have worked with other women in the past who are attracted to guys who act mysterious and detached.

 

All you really needed to do was stop replying and leave it to him to get back to you. You might very well have heard from him in a day or two or a week, and things could have ultimately led to a meetup and during this meetup you could, if things were going well, say "I don't do the whole game playing wait to call for a few days" thing so if you want to build something then just stop it".

 

But instead you deleted and basically blocked him all because he was a bit vague.

 

Seems over the top to me.

[Applewhite]

I don't think OP meant 3/4 hour trip as 45 mins. I think it means 3 or 4 hours. Am i I right?

[ParisPaulette]

Yes, you block and delete him and move on. It sounds like he was angling for a booty call, but that's all. When he realized you just wanted to catch up for a quick hour he backed off, plus come on. Sexting another woman? Why would the other woman lie about that? And the distance hasn't changed, so really what would seeing him do but set you back.

 

This sounds like you need to move on. When they blow hot and cold it doesn't mean they want you back.