Send him packing or stick it out?

[Moonchild15]

I've been with my boyfriend on & off for 3 years. He moved 3 hours away & it was really hard so we broke up but then tried long distance again & the broke up again but recently got back together & he moved back to town & moved in quickly bc of living circumstances so we weren't quite ready for this step but figured we've known each other almost 3 years & loved each other so much that we would figure it out. Well only 3 months of living together have been more downs than ups because he hasn't been able to find a job & he can be a bit immature & a procrastinator. I'm 40 with a 17 yr old son & hes 32 with no children so we are at different stages in our lives. Sometimes I feel like I live with 2 teenagers. When we have a conflict it can't be handled in a mature way bc of his immaturity & it ends up in a fight bc he doesn't want to deal with anything & it goes on for hours or until the next day which seems ridiculous over something small (which it always is). We don't fight over major things ever. It's always petty little things. This has been our problem throughout the 3 years we've known each other. He doesn't communicate well & also doesn't like to have to deal with any conflict which isn't reality because living together will cause differences which should be handled in a respectful way & if we fight it shouldn't be ugly as it gets or last that long in my opinion. We love each other very much & I see potential in him if he would grow up, try harder to find a job & get happier. I'm having health issues bc of the stress & I'm not sure if I should keep working at it or let him go. I can't talk to anyone about it bc I haven't told anyone that we are back together for fear that this would happen & I would look like an idiot for allowing it to happen again to me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[melancholy123]

As soon as I read this is causing you health problems, the answer was even more obvious. He needs to go. You are right you are at two different stages in life and he sounds very immature for a man of 32. His job should be looking for a job. He needs to get his life in order on his own, not lodged in your home.

[SooSad33]

I feel for you.....because of what you've done.

 

Knowing how he is... yet allowing someone like this to move in with you anyways

First of all.... your relationship, for a time was at a 'distance'.. and was still 'iffy'... over a 3 yr time span.

 

Then... he moves closer-- well TOO close.. right into your home!?

 

All the Red Flags you've pointed out were already there So, I dont know why you allowed this?

 

1) diff stages in your lives?

2) He isn't employed?

3) His immaturity at dealing with conflict....etc.

4) I say he';s got some mental issue's.

 

Potential in him-- IF he'll grow up. ... .... Sorry, but you've given this 3 years of your life. Do YOU really think he'll change? No.

 

"" We don't fight over major things ever. It's always petty little things. This has been our problem throughout the 3 years we've known each other. He doesn't communicate well & also doesn't like to have to deal with any conflict which isn't reality because living together will cause differences which should be handled in a respectful way & if we fight it shouldn't be ugly as it gets or last that long in my opinion.""

 

exactly... it's ridiculous. You or your children don't need his... crap.

 

 

Tell him. this is enough and he NEEDS to find his own place.. even rent a room.. but get out.. and you're done!

If anything, he WILL keep bringing you down.

 

Move on with your Life.. and work on healing from this... experience. Will take a while.. I understand your pains, but be strong! For yourself.. your self respect & your family.

 

Good luck.

[Moonchild15]

Thank you I appreciate your response! I've never had such strong feelings for a man which is why I haven't been able to let go of him. But he really is a mess. I lost my step dad 2 weeks ago suddenly so it was tragic & an eye opener that life can be short & stress can make u ill or kill u & that's why I question is this man worth me getting sick over? I have a 17 year old who still needs me around. This is going to be really tough because I'm going to have to end communication once he moves out so that I can move on bc after each time we broke up I never moved on & we would get back together ugh thanks again!

[Moonchild15]

Thank you for the bluntness it really helps & I agree that I did see the signs & ignored them & I can't believe how stupid I've become over him. It's going to be a real long healing process & I know that I need to be alone to help myself grow & realize I deserve better than this. Thank u again!

[Moonchild15]

Thank you for the bluntness it really helps & I agree that I did see the signs & ignored them & I can't believe how stupid I've become over him. I agree with u that he may have some mental issues (which is another red flag I ignored ugh) It's going to be a real long healing process & I know that I need to be alone, relationship free for awhile to help myself grow & realize I deserve better than this. Thank u again!

[Ms Darcy]

Yeah, this has been a waste of your time. 32 and no job? He should not be living with you at all. He's just mooching!

 

Please send him away. Your son and you both deserve better.

[Jibralta]

Send him packing!

[catfeeder]

There's no possible way that I'd put up with this, much less force my teenage son to deal with it. I'd give this guy the boot, and I'd have an army of friends and family staying with me to ensure that it happened quickly and cleanly.