Help with a girl I once fell for.

[Brodo Swaggins]

Hey there everyone,

 

I have a situation in my life, that I can't solve for the last 2 years. Maybe it is already solved, I don't know. I'm trying to make some sense of it, and I'm asking for a little advice maybe.

Well, I'll start with a lot of information first. So this post can take awhile, so please take some time to read it all.

 

So I'm 22 years old (male), and I have this one friend. This is going to be about her.

I first met her when she was 18 years old. I was at a party waiting for a friend to arrive. He came with a lot of friends, and his bestfriend. (I'll just call her Anna for this post) I never gazed at a more beautiful sight in my life, when I saw her. I was first a little paralyzed, but I got my bearings again. So I then talked to her, and she was so sweet. I saw her more often from that time onward, and we became friends. After some time we became good friends, and we often went out together, just the two of us. On the way I somehow fell in love with her. Well, uh she didn't. I spoke with her about it, and when she told me that she didn't have the same feelings for me as I did for her, I cried. Right infront of her. It took me like weeks to build up the courage to say it. She then just got close to me and huged me and said that it's alright. That everything will be okay. We could still be friends, if I could handle it. I said yes, because I just cared so much for her. Fast forward 2 months later, we were at a party. There was a other guy there, that she was interested in, but she didn't know what his name was and stuff. I did. I knew him from school in the old days, and since I actually just wanted for her to be happy, I told her that I knew him. After that she was like almost every day with me, asking me things about him. We also stalked him a little on facebook and stuff. Well I also wrote with him on whatsapp, and she was there with me reading everything. So one day she talked with him on a party, and it was going well. Few months later they came together. After that I didn't see Anna so much. I thought like of course not, because she got a boyfriend now and spends most of her time with him. Somehow it still made me sad. I felt like complety alone without her. Even when I was out with other friends of mine and we got drunk and partied. I was surrounded by people, but I felt alone. On some days it got so worse, that I cried and just wanted my feelings to end. Oddly enough, on those days later, she wrote me on whatsapp. Asked how I was and stuff. Like she just knew, that I wasn't okay. I never told her, that I was feeling awful, and cried the last few times. For the next 2 years it went kinda on and off between us too. On time she was mad with me, and I never knew why. She didn't speak with me for 2 months, even when I texted her, she rarely answered. One day though, she called me and wanted to meet. It was a lovely evening that day. We went to a lake, and sat down on the port. She then apologized to me, that she was ignoring me the whole time. She was having some problems with her boyfriend. I said that it was okay, and that she didn't have to apologize. That we were friends, and she can just talk to me. I soon got Anna laughing again, and we just hanged around together like nothing ever happend. Since then we kinda got little closer, like I sometimes let her win when we were playing some kind of game, or I changed my strategie, so she could benefit from it. I started to go shopping with her, because her boyfriend didn't want to. Even it was just makeup or something, I was always with her and helped her decide sometimes which one she should take.

 

Well okay, I think you probably get the picture now how it was.

Since the last few months though it changed. In a good way actually. We were almost everyday together. She shared almost everything me. About her problems, how her day was, her thoughts on something and I always listened. I gave her back massages when we was doing her nail polish or was applying makeup and we laughed together about the pictures from the last party. When she sometimes forgot her cash at home, I bought her a drink. I always held open the door for her and carried her handbag or waited for her, when she went to the bathroom. I just wanted to make Anna happy and feel cherished, you know ? I just wanted to see her smile.

 

Since 2 weeks now, she broke up with her boyfriend. I never knew why, she never was really specific. Well anyway, since then I didn't have one day without her.

 

So my question here is now: What am I ? What kind of friend am I ? I'm not her best friend, I'm not her boyfriend. She doesn't feel anything else but friendship for me. I sometimes feel neglected when she spends more time with someone else. Maybe that's just my head spinning, I don't know. I'm like the only one that spends so much time with her. Am I something like a gay friend for her, or what ? Eventhough I'm not gay.

I just can't get my head around it.

And is it too much that I'm doing for her ? She is just a great friend for me, and I have fun doing all those things for her too. I like it all and she likes it too.

What's probably the problem, is that I can't let go. I become sad and worried, when she is somewhere on a party or something, and I'm not with her. Maybe I'm just expecting to much from her. I don't really know. This confuses me greatly.

 

I really would like some advice on this matter, if that's okay.

Thank you for your time and reading this chunk of text. Hope I didn't waste your time.

[gebaird]

I think the "gay" friend, even though you aren't gay, is a good way to describe this relationship. You're a guy that she feels completely safe with, and you're someone who makes her life better.

 

I have a friend who is very much like this. Our relationship is amazing, and we can tell each other anything, but it is strictly platonic and always will be. Whenever she talks about a guy she likes, I set my ego aside and express my happiness for her. Whenever someone else takes her away from me, which happens often when she is in a new relationship, I fully and freely support her. I know she'll reach out to me again, and it will be like she never left.

 

Jealousy and possessiveness have no place in a friendship like the one you and Anna have. If you can win your internal battles with those negative emotions, what the two of you share can be wonderful -- and it will likely outlast most romantic relationships.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately you are a like a male-girlfriend. And she even wanted you as her wing-man to get other guys?

 

It's fine to care about friends but sacrificing yourself like this if it prevents you from normal dating or having normal friends is not healthy.

What am I ? What kind of friend am I ? I'm not her best friend, I'm not her boyfriend. She doesn't feel anything else but friendship for me. I sometimes feel neglected when she spends more time with someone else.