Is everyone more "happy" than me?

[jemoeder]

Hey guys, first off: Happy new years to you and yours!

 

Been awhile since i logged into this site. Last of my posts/threads date back to 2014 and Im glad to see how much I have grown as a person, professionaly and in general life experience! However, I usually dont come here unless I have something thats bothering me; and im guessing im not the only one who has felt this way in some sort once or twice in their lives..

 

This year Im turning 30 (male, single), and I cant help but to compare my life with close friends and family members. I know that comparing your life with others is a futile exercise, but one cant help himself now and then

 

Guess the most important thing is that I (sometimes) feel pretty lonely while everyone else is getting married, living together and I hear close friends talking about having kids etc etc. Havent been in a relationship since 2/3 years and there isnt anyone special on the horizon now either.

 

Does anyone else get this feeling? The feeling like everyone is doing a better job at life, is more happy or has more stuff going on in their lives?

 

And if you do, how to handle it ? What did you do (if anything) to overcome this feeling? Is it normal to feel this way or is this the sign of someone who has not enough going on in his life that I can think about these things?

 

Cheers,

 

Je moeder.

[IAmFCA]

Yes, sometimes. I remember 1. That i don't know what i don't know. Everyone has burdens and challenges. They hit us all at different times. Happiness is a cheerful thing because we know life brings joy and pain, and nobody escapes either one.

 

I compare myself to myself, and appreciate how I've evolved.

 

I ask myself to name three things for which i am thankful, every morning, until gratitude becomes habitual.

 

I am grateful that my friends share their joy with me. They could exclude me, and that would be awful.

 

I make myself do something i like. Then hone that choice until it is also something that benefits me.

[meoww]

Welcome back to ENA. My response may not be earth shattering but I have a few ideas that might help. Instead of focusing on the broad, the unquantifiable, you could focus on goals, hobbies, or objectives instead and see where that leads. I know the feeling too. I just wonder what is supposed to give your life meaning as you get older. I was actually more ready for kids when I was younger than I am now...I'm getting selfish in my old age haha.

 

In my experience, the way I find the answers to my bigger questions is by becoming more active and learning more. "Thinking my way out" of a problem rarely happens unless I have some new insight I didn't have before.

 

Personally, I'll be looking at things less from the perspective of how can I be "happy" and more, what do I want to do, what do I enjoy, what would benefit me in the future, how can I improve myself, how can I know myself better. I think it's going to be a decent year

[Ms Darcy]

This year Im turning 30 (male, single), and I cant help but to compare my life with close friends and family members. I know that comparing your life with others is a futile exercise, but one cant help himself now and then

 

Guess the most important thing is that I (sometimes) feel pretty lonely while everyone else is getting married, living together and I hear close friends talking about having kids etc etc. Havent been in a relationship since 2/3 years and there isnt anyone special on the horizon now either.

 

Does anyone else get this feeling? The feeling like everyone is doing a better job at life, is more happy or has more stuff going on in their lives?

 

You know it's futile, yet you are doing it anyway.

 

I would say the best thing you can do for this year is to shift your thinking.

 

Don't compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to yourself.

 

What are your goals? What do you want to accomplish? You want a gf? What are you going to do this year to meet eligible women?

[aloneindian]

 

This year Im turning 30 (male, single), and I cant help but to compare my life with close friends and family members. I know that comparing your life with others is a futile exercise, but one cant help himself now and then

 

Guess the most important thing is that I (sometimes) feel pretty lonely while everyone else is getting married, living together and I hear close friends talking about having kids etc etc. Havent been in a relationship since 2/3 years and there isnt anyone special on the horizon now either.

 

Does anyone else get this feeling? The feeling like everyone is doing a better job at life, is more happy or has more stuff going on in their lives?

 

I have exactly the same feelings as you do, only that I am a gay male in India and life is 10 times more difficult for me.

[Batya33]

Are you seeing most of this info on Facebook? If so, understand that it's extremely skewed and biased. I agree totally with IThinkICan and yes I play the comparison game. Depends how you define happy? For some it is hot coffee in the morning, for some it is attaining material things, for others reaching goals and for others getting more Pokemon cards (ok, that other is my son, he's 7 and in heaven for Pokemon cards).

 

I texted with an old friend the other day who is head over heels and engaged and living it up -traveling the world, planning a wedding (according to Facebook). She completely deserves it, as an aside- rags to riches story (yes, a movie was in the works about her life). So when we texted I wrote as part of it that I hoped wedding planning was going well -she replied "we're not planning anything right now -we're working on making our relationship stronger". Yes, that is wonderful for her, too - very mature - but on Facebook all you see is the head over heels, world travel, future travel planned, visiting her amazing grandchildren, parties at their huge house in a rich suburb. You would never, ever know that this perfect couple had anything to work on, much less focusing on it instead of wedding planning. And if you were her new friend you wouldn't know that when she was a teenager she was homeless single mom. Please consider perspective and where you're getting your info from and how you personally define "happiness".

[holistic17]

I blame society expectations and the permanent focus on relationships that cause us to feel inadequate and like we are being left behind. I'm 30 too, have my own house, car, job, great family and friends. I'm also single. I take this time in life to celebrate my freedom and youth! You have to change your thinking because if you think "woe is me", you're putting up mental blocks out to the world. What you give out comes back. If you love yourself enough and are happy in yourself then you're on the right path. There is no rule that by certain ages, we are supposed to be in certain situations. Everyone has their own path and journey. I want to be the best version of myself before my man finds me. That way I'll have the relationship I've always dreamt of. Think positively!

[Reflections11]

I think a lot of people feel this way at some point or other. And I think social media really takes a natural tendency to compare our lives to others, and magnifies it to an extreme. It makes it seem that everyone is constnatly having great new jobs, traveling the world, and living in relationship bliss.

 

Anyways, the way to overcome this is to become very clear about what you want in your life, and to pursue it. Obviously relationships and kids etc are hard to force. But the fact that you are letting this emotion get to you indicates that you need to spend more time focusing on building your own life, instead of watching other peoples. In any area of your life, there are always people doing better than you, so you just gotta learn to focus more on yourself and building the life you want. Just my opinion.