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What does everyone think?


Kittiehehe

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My boyfriend and I live together currently. The apartment is in my name, but he helps me with bills. He has a hobby where he tattoos people on the side, but does not work in a shop so he tattoos people at home. He wanted to tattoo a girl he met on tinder a while ago before he ever met me, but he was going to bring her over when I wasn't home. I currently work twice a week, so it kind of upset me because A. I have never met this girl ( as I know I probably haven't met a lot of his friends) B. He calls her a friend but he never hangs with her and he met her on tinder. I actually have a few friends from a dating site, so I'm ok if they are actually friends. I have one really good friend from a dating website, but I would be super open with it all if he wanted to know about it as I know that it could make an awkward situation. So I did get upset about it and he fought me about it because he said he let me know upfront. And I told him it made me uncomfortable he was bringing some random girl he met on tinder a long time ago. I said, Could you at least bring her over so I could meet her? Like jeez, I'm not trying to keep you from tattooing. I wasn't saying he couldn't tattoo her at all, but he took it that way. We were supposed to go to Houston in 2 days so I know he wanted to have extra money, but it really made me mad that he was not listening to me that I was uncomfortable with it. He can do his hobby, but at least let me meet her. I feel disregarded and I don't think he doesn't gets how awkward thesituation is. Instead he could be like, hey I'll do it on a day you are home, but again, he just doesn't see it. Am I being ridiculous or what? Should I set ground rules with stuff like this? I don't want to appear controlling but just establish a happy medium.

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It's one of those situations where I can't help but wonder why he even told you those details. You know that he tattoos people at your place. I'm sure you're aware some of them have been women and that they've been around when you haven't. Of course you're going to be put off if one happens to be a woman he met off Tinder. Either he's a complete idiot or is playing games. Either one should be cause for concern.

 

And normally, I'd simply chalk this up to incompatible boundaries, but the fact it's your apartment that you pay rent on and he simply contributes to the bills for, for him to offer anything other than a "yes, ma'am" is very disrespectful, in my eyes.

 

Thing is, there's nothing left to argue. He feels one way, you feel another. He evidently has no inclination to meet you on it. I'd be firm, but don't argue. If he can't take it, he can find his own place where he can tattoo anyone he wants whenever he wants.

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If he gets paid for it, it doesn't sound like a hobby. Can he rent space in a tattoo shop? When you say he helps you with the bills is he paying half of the rent? Or are you paying most all of it? Personally if I'm paying all the rent on a space I get to say what does and does not happen there. You can be supportive of what he is doing and say you are uncomfortable with him doing it at your place. Has he done tattoos out of your apartment before?

 

I'm asking a lot of questions because this is two different questions. One is about his hobby that earns him extra cash. The other is about trust in your relationship. Would you be okay with him tattooing this woman somewhere else?

 

(I personally think if she is his friend (no matter how they met) and she is okay getting tattooed in his apartment it should be okay to meet his girlfriend. That aspect sounds fishy to me)

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Well, I wanted to clarify. We barely moved in together like a couple months ago. He hasn't really tattooed anyone here really but I knew he did at his own place before. I had asked who she was before randomly at one point and he told me how he met her and they were only friends.

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He hasn't done many tattoos at my apartment yet. Actually no girls really yet. I pay for most of everything. But he pays a chunk for bills as well. I feel like he can tattoo other women but I felt at this point I got to give somewhere so I said either let me meet her or go somewhere else since it's weird to me.

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He hasn't done many tattoos at my apartment yet. Actually no girls really yet. I pay for most of everything. But he pays a chunk for bills as well. I feel like he can tattoo other women but I felt at this point I got to give somewhere so I said either let me meet her or go somewhere else since it's weird to me.

 

That sounds super generous and rational. How did he respond to that?

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I wouldnt be comfortable going to someones house for tattoos. You need to be permitted for the health / saftey standards. Theres a lot of rules and regulations you have to follow.
Indeed. OP probably could have killed multiple birds with one stone by making it about no tattoos in the house period rather than exclusively about this woman.
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I think your boyfriend needs a reminder whose name is on the apartment, who is paying most of the bills, and the fact that you don't and shouldn't be on the hook for liability issues. What if this woman (or anyone he brings in to do a tattoo on) gets hurt or sick or just decides to tell someone he raped her? Bringing someone you don't know into your house is just straight-up stupid regardless. Trouble is you'd be on the hook for it if anything goes wrong, so you might want to tell your boyfriend he needs to find another place to do tattoos, and he needs liability insurance if he's going to do that.

 

Also that he can find another place to live if he doesn't like it and is going insist on bringing strange women over to the house you don't know. It's not unreasonable and if he wasn't hiding something then what would be wrong with you meeting her first. I also would not want him bringing a man over either. I mean, who are these people and what are you going to do if he brings the wrong people in and they decide to come back and rob you all or worse? Nope, this is just a bad idea all the way around. I'd tell him no tattoos, no strangers in the house.

 

I think your boyfriend is someone you don't know as well as you thought you did and this happened too fast, him moving in. Nonetheless liability issues make him doing a tattoo on anyone at your place a really bad idea. People do get sick, they have allergic reactions, he might screw things up or not keep his instruments clean and then you will be the one they come after if you have more money and the place is in your name.

 

Think about that and maybe tell him he needs to rent a space or go find somewhere else to do tattoos and to get liability insurance, because you won't be footing the bill if anything goes wrong. And maybe remind him who the place belongs to, really. He is being very disrespectful and is actually putting you at legal risk as well.

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I don't think you're being ridiculous at all. I echo finding out about the regulations of tattooing in one's home because from what it sounds like everything is in your name and if something goes wrong you would likely catch the fall for it. I'm going to agree with J. Man that he is either dumb and/or playing games (most likely a little of both). You said that you currently work two days a week, but yet he was going to bring her over when you weren't home. If she is truly a friend, what difference would it make if you were home?

 

The above was my best attempt at wearing the "if I was in this position and was okay and supportive of it what would I do?" hat. That being said, if I were you right now, my place-my rules. H*** no are you going to set up some half rate pop up tattoo shop in my house and tattoo anyone. You reference that it's your apartment a few times, but also that you guys moved in together. Was it yours to begin with and he just moved in with you? It may just be me being selfish, but in my eyes, until all names are on a lease or mortgage, regardless of how much someone contributes it still belongs to whoever is on the legal documents.

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