What should I do??? Please help!!

[Shay21]

Hi.

Me and my boyfriend started seeing each other instantly after meeting. It was kind of a love at first sight. 3 months later, we started dating. Everything was good. He was the best person I ever met. It was a partial live in too. We spent days and nights together. We dated for 1 year and more. But some months later, we started fighting on petty issues. He claimed that it was me but it was him too. Then the next day after my birthday was a disaster when we had a huge fight. I accept it was me but he has so much ego, he will never accept some part was him too. So after the fight, he immediately told me that he can't handle me and he wanted a break. After lots of crying and begging, he still didn't stop. So I gave it to him and he went to stay with his parents for a few days. But I used to talk to him at that point too. He was too angry at me. Later, when he came back, we were still on a break but he made me feel so unimportant and useless and he was very rude to me. I could figure he was still angry. Then one fine day, he said he wants to break up. I was angry too, I said I want to break up too. He said he wanted to be friends, but I refused. But like an idiot, I always used to beg and plead and convince him to come back. If not everyday, then after 3-4 days. All the time, I contacted him and msgd him. This went on for about more than a month. I was a mess. I tried NC but couldn't do it. Then on 23rd Dec, he told me that evrything has changed and he didn't feel that much for me. (I kept on msging and pleading. My fault) but before him saying this, he always told me that he loves me and he can never love anyone the way he loved me. Then suddenly why all that? After hearing that, I blocked him on whatsapp. I felt too bad. Just like my heart was ripped out. This time I thought to myself that by hook or by crook, Iam going to do NC. But after 4 days I unblocked him from whatsapp and deleted his number. And this is my 9th day today. He didn't even care to call me for New Year's Eve. I didn't call too. I never loved someone so much and was so close to anyone. It was the same case with him. We were actually like a married couple. We talked about our future, kids and marriage. And everything about the future was started by him. And I always thought we were meant to be and that he is my fate. I still do. Also to mention, he had some issues with my past too, I used to have flings but I changed for him and I never cheated on him. I explained my situation to him, he was convinced but still a bit to the side. But anyway inspite of this, it was good. The reason was fights and stuff.

 

What should I do? Should I strictly do the NC? Will he come back if he was so serious with me? And also, he's the guy who takes a decision and it's difficult to change it at that moment. But will he change after lots of thinking? After some months? Taken that he is an overthinker?

 

Please help me. Iam just so depressed. I want this guy to be my future. Thanks for reading my long post!

[gebaird]

It sounds like you have some things you can be working on during this time of no contact. No one is at their best when a relationship ends, but the desperate begging and pleading indicates an unhealthy level of co-dependence. As you have seen, it pushes him further away rather than drawing him closer. That behavior has to stop. Some of the fights may have been due to his issues, and some were probably due to yours. You can't control his behavior, but you can control yours. Acknowledge the part you played in the demise of this relationship and begin making an effort to avoid those same patterns in the future -- with him or anyone else.

 

Resentment levels are high between you right now. He needs space. No contact may not bring him back, but it will help you heal.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this (extra hard during the holidays), and I hope your story has a happy ending -- even if it's not the ending you want or expect. Everything happens for a reason, and usually that reason is to teach us something about ourselves that we can learn in no other way.

[TheT]

First of all I think you might be getting ahead of yourself assuming a year in this guy is the one. Secondly, both of you sound like you have some growing up to do if you can actually allow petty things to drive you apart. Lastly on a more personal note, Ive been in your boyfriends shoes. As a conservative who deveoped a deep connection with my ex, it was hard for me to accept her flings, it took time, but ultimately the good and change in her allowed me to get past it. Perhaps this is a maturity thing in your bfs part too. Lastly, NC is best for both of you right now. You both need time to reflect without your emotions being so raw.

[Zaphod]

And I always thought we were meant to be and that he is my fate.

 

Superstition won't really help you here. Get any thoughts of predetermined futures out of your head.

[Shay21]

He always tells me that he's gonna regret ending things with me. But things didn't hit him yet. The feeling that he lost me, he didn't realise that yet. I had accepted my faults and was ready to work through it nicely. But he's so negative about things at the moment. So I just stopped contact because it's hurting me a lot. And the feeling that we are meant to be is haunting me. Hence, all this.

[Zaphod]

And the feeling that we are meant to be is haunting me.

 

It's in your head, and nowhere else.

[Shay21]

Superstition won't really help you here. Get any thoughts of predetermined futures out of your head.

 

It's not superstitions. It's just the feeling that you get when you're sure about a person

[RainyCoast]

It's not superstitions. It's just the feeling that you get when you're sure about a person

 

how is it sure that he is your future? it is evidently, factually sure that he wants to be broken up.

 

magical thinking is employed to sustain denial, and that sustains the dread of loss.

 

 

Iam just so depressed. I want this guy to be my future.

this sounds more accurate. mindfully phrasing your concerns isn't just semantic pedantry. it's deconstructing cognitive fallacies.

 

how is your life otherwise? people who seem to have the most trouble reclaiming their emotional energy are the ones who provide themselves with the least alternative options for high investment. i'm not saying alternative guys. i'm saying alternatives for worthy emotional and mental investment.

[Shay21]

First of all I think you might be getting ahead of yourself assuming a year in this guy is the one. Secondly, both of you sound like you have some growing up to do if you can actually allow petty things to drive you apart. Lastly on a more personal note, Ive been in your boyfriends shoes. As a conservative who deveoped a deep connection with my ex, it was hard for me to accept her flings, it took time, but ultimately the good and change in her allowed me to get past it. Perhaps this is a maturity thing in your bfs part too. Lastly, NC is best for both of you right now. You both need time to reflect without your emotions being so raw.

 

He's being immature right? His thoughts are not sorted at all. And yes, I understand he will take time to accept my past. So I waited and explained everything to him patiently. And I know petty issues shouldn't come in between. But he needs time and space to sort out himself too right?

[Shay21]

how is it sure that he is your future? it is evidently, factually sure that he wants to be broken up.

 

magical thinking is employed to sustain denial, and that sustains the dread of loss.

 

 

this sounds more accurate. mindfully phrasing your concerns isn't just semantic pedantry. it's deconstructing cognitive fallacies.

 

how is your life otherwise? people who seem to have the most trouble reclaiming their emotional energy are the ones who provide themselves with the least alternative options for high investment. i'm not saying alternative guys. i'm saying alternatives for worthy emotional and mental investment.

 

I just keep on thinking about the same things again and again. Iam not thinking straight. I've had a break up with my first boyfriend before too but it never concerned me so much. This one is just another level because we were so serious about each other and involved.