At what point in the dating, is exclusivity expected?

[ironpony]

I was just wondering cause I went out on two dates with this woman so far, the first was just a simple meet for coffee, to see if we had any chemistry, and the second was drinks. We did make out after though and fooled around for a bit, but nothing intercourse wise or anything, if that makes a difference... Before those two dates, when we met, she asked me out first, and I told her I wasn't looking for anything serious and just wanted to take it slow, and she said she was cool with that.

 

New years eve is coming up and she sends me a texted me saying she wanted me to be her new years kiss. I was going out with my friends and she was going out with hers, most likely to different places. I didn't really have a new years kiss in mind, and I usually don't do that on new years much.

 

So I told her I don't think I would be able to to make it to the same place she is going to... and she kind of went on about wanting it for a bit... Then she asked me if I was going to kiss another girl. I wasn't planning on this and was not thinking about it... so at this point I felt that maybe she kind of needed to be reminded that we were not exclusive. So I told her that since we are not exclusive or anything yet, she can totally feel free to kiss another guy, she is totally free too.

 

But she got turned off, and now is questioning seeing me again, I think. Was it bad or insensitive what I said? It's not like I told her to do so in a rude way, I was politely inviting her to not feel obligated or anything. What do you think? Now I did tell her that before dating her, that a couple of months ago, I got out of a four year relationship, and I was not looking for anything serious. I told her that I didn't want a sexual fling either or anything like that, I just wanted to take it slow and hang out for now. So because of this, at what point is exclusivity expected in the dating process? After making out maybe?

[mustlovedogs]

If I was into a guy, I wouldn't want him telling me to kiss someone else. She was being flirty and you shut her down. You could've been more tactful with your response.

[ironpony]

Okay thanks. I didn't know she was being flirty cause the way she asked me if I was going to kiss another girl, it seemed to convey that she was concerned and that she was asking me where we stood. That is how I took it anyway. So I was just politely letting her know where we stood and that it's still the same, but I didn't mean to be insensitive or anything, she just seemed concerned since she was asking if I am going to kiss someone else?

[mustlovedogs]

Dude... she was saying she wants to kiss you. What more do you want for flirting?

[ironpony]

But she said, "you're going to find another girl to kiss, aren't you", like she was asking if we are exclusive or not. Guess I read her wrong. I mean I know she wants to, but at the same time, i am just saying if we don't meet up that night, it's okay...

[mustlovedogs]

She was being a bit needy, that's all. You should've said something like "I already have plans for NYE, but can I take you up on that kiss on [day]? We could do [thing]"

[Wiseman2]

There were no plans for NYE right? She probably just finished watching a movie where they kiss all romantic on NYE, etc. It sounds like you felt the question and assumptions were a bit clingy after 2 dates?

 

It sounds like she wanted to have a flirty text convo and the exclusive reminder was a bit to logical. Text and wish her Happy NYE maybe that will fix it, maybe not.

New years eve is coming up and she sends me a texted me saying she wanted me to be her new years kiss. I told her I don't think I would be able to to make it to the same place she is going to... and she kind of went on about wanting it for a bit... Then she asked me if I was going to kiss another girl.

[ironpony]

Yeah I guess. I just want to be open about everything cause sometimes, not clarifying things has lead to misunderstandings in past dating experiences, so I thought maybe I should be more open, honest, and perhaps a little blunt sometimes.

[j.man]

Ironpony, this has nothing to do with your topic, but seeing that you ditched your old girlfriend is probably the single greatest thing I've seen on these forums. I'm drinking a double of bourbon in your honor, bud.

[ironpony]

Oh okay thanks, that was a while ago now, but thanks. Thank you and to all the others before for giving me that extra, push, it just too a while to take it.