I think my boyfriends parents really don't like me??

[Katiedavies17]

I haven't been with my boyfriend for long at all - a few months. Things are just starting to feel real and serious. My relationship with him is so great because we never stop talking and interesting each other in every way possible , every day. He told me before I came back to his that he doesn't have a close relationship with his step mum (they both don't like each other) and he isn't that close with his dad (only at times). The only person in his house who he is close to is his brother. His brother and I get along really well and both climb out the windows to chat and have a smoke when I'm round my boyfriends. However , whenever my boyfriend is texting his mum and dad to ask if I can come round , they're really hesitant. I brushed this aside most of the time. His step mum cooked me dinner to take upstairs with my boyfriend but my boyfriends dad cooked everyone else good apart from me (when I was round). This , I found quite rude on his behalf. I always try to make small talk and ask them both how their days have been etc and been my usually bubbly self (which they respond to).

Two days ago I was very very drunk and couldn't walk home so my friend called my boyfriend asking him to pick me up. He was very caring and looked after me for the next 24 hours. However , his dad said I couldn't stay round and that he wanted me to go home. Disclaimer : my boyfriend didn't tell his dad how drunk I was , we were very quite and it was almost like I wasn't there - I didn't cause any hassle at all. His dad made him sleep downstairs which I found weird considering my boyfriend always sleeps round mine with me. My boyfriend said that it's probably because his dad thought he might take advantage of me whilst I was in a bad place (which is fair enough). Anyways , his dad had a huge argument with him in the morning saying that I wasn't welcome around there to stay and he shouldn't have taken me back. Also , next time it would happen his dad will call me a taxi and send me home.

 

It's taking me a lot to understand his reasonings for not liking me. I understand the line I overstepped the other night and did apologise for it in the morning and thanked him dearly.

 

My ex and I are both very close to our families and when I was with him , his parents invited me everywhere with them and took me out for dinner all the time just to spend time with me. This is why I'm finding it hard to adapt to this new situation.

 

What do I do?? I feel like this is going to be the one thing that will come between our relationship. My family and I are so welcoming to him and he loves them but he's also always going on about his Ex's family and how they were the perfect girlfriends family. This is all getting to me. I wish I knew why they didn't like me before I made the mistake I did the other night because now I feel like that's an excuse to use for them.

[gebaird]

Are there specific reasons his family doesn't like you? Sometimes there are things you can do to ingratiate yourself with others, and sometimes they're just gonna hate no matter what you do (because of how they are, not because of you how are). It's possible your boyfriend knows why they don't like you, but doesn't want to say it because it would hurt you and create an even larger rift between you and his family.

[Wiseman2]

Would you be be allowed to do this in your own home? How old are you?

 

You may want to go over there less often or stop engaging in rude behaviors like this 17;6719269] His brother and I get along really well and both climb out the windows to chat and have a smoke when I'm round my boyfriends.

[j.man]

I was about to comment on the smoking bit myself. Maybe don't go on their roof for a ciggy and crash there drunk. Their parents might be "OK" with that behavior when it comes to a child of theirs in their home, but I highly doubt it with someone else's coming in and doing so.

 

I'm wondering if you've thought nothing of those two incidents, what other unwelcome mannerisms you may have that turn them off.

[Fudgie]

They may see you as a bad influence.

 

1) Smoking it up with the brother on the roof?

 

2) Getting trashed to the point of not being able to walk home, and then having your boyfriend take you to his family's house and nurse you back to health for a day?

 

Despite you being kind to them and bubbly, they may see you as a bit of a hot mess, needing your boyfriend to pick you up when you drink too much and smoking with his brother in/around their own home.

[Scoe141]

I agree with the above posters. Have you asked your boyfriend directly? Since it's so early on, perhaps you need to pull the reigns a bit. Knock off the smoking on their roof and going over their intoxicated.

 

If you really want to win the approval of his family it's probably going to take some time. A few months is nothing. This is the time you are making a "first" impression with them. So far you've done things they probably don't care for too much. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's going to take some time with good behavior.

 

Also, if you think his father doesn't know that how drunk you were, or anything else you think you've gotten away with, chances are he does. Parents aren't as naive or stupid as their children often think.

 

Best of luck..

[Wiseman2]

Agree. This is what the dad's picturing already

They may see you as a bad influence. they may see you as a bit of a hot mess

]

[Fudgie]

Also, if you think his father doesn't know that how drunk you were, or anything else you think you've gotten away with, chances are he does. Parents aren't as naive or stupid as their children often think.

 

Yup, the man was a teenager at one point. The more you think that you're "looking normal" when you're blitzed out of your mind, the more intoxicated you appear to others. Speaking from personal experience here. People always notice. Years ago, I was very, very intoxicated around a friend's parents. It was at a party. I was already spending the night though, so it wasn't a big deal and no, I wasn't being obnoxious or loud, I was just, not functioning at my normal level. But they laughed at me the next day! They knew how messed up I was, and I was trying VERY, VERY, VERY hard to be "normal" and quiet. Oh no, they knew, they knew the entire freaking time and decided just to play along because they knew I was "trying".

 

You're not fooling anyone!!

[j.man]

You're not fooling anyone!!

We always like to think we are, though.

 

Remember in my early 20s, showing up to work Friday morning, trying to pass off my Thirsty Thursday hangover as "not feeling good." My late-60s supervisor who thankfully loved me to death comes to my desk, "Honey, I know the drill. Just take some ibuprofen and try not to use your keyboard as a pillow."

[butterfly45]

His step mum cooked me dinner to take upstairs with my boyfriend but my boyfriends dad cooked everyone else good apart from me (when I was round). This , I found quite rude on his behalf.

 

Because everyone else has covered the rest of your post, I'm going to focus on this point you make which makes you sound like a bit of a brat. She cooks you dinner and you take it upstairs? Even if she okay'd that I would have stayed to make small talk with her and offer to clear away afterwards-did you at least do that? And saying his dad didn't cook you good dinner isn't an objective statement and gives the impression that you are spoilt. I'm not surprised that they aren't exactly warm towards you.

 

How old are you?

[j.man]

[wrong thread]

[boltnrun]

I agree, I thought the dinner thing was rude. If one of my kids had their boyfriend/girlfriend over and I cooked dinner, I'd be pretty unimpressed if the boyfriend/girlfriend rudely took their plates upstairs.

 

Why didn't you sit at the table with the parents and the rest of the family?

 

Also, the drunken sleepover was rude. I wouldn't appreciate my kids bringing a drunk friend over to crash at our home.

 

You may act "bubbly" but those actions listed above would make me think less of you.

[Fudgie]

I think I skimmed over that dinner part but I agree with bolt. Sure, I have eaten in my room at home and such but I can't ever recall a time where a friend/SO's family made dinner and then I took it upstairs while the rest of the people were eating together downstairs. That really reeks of rude to me and honestly, if I were the family/friend and someone did that, I would think they were being a spoiled little tart.

[Wiseman2]

The parents are probably hoping he gets this bad girl thing out of his system without getting himself in trouble.