Broke up with My GF- regret or right decision?

[HardHeaded]

Hi All -

 

Been using this forum for advice for as long as i can remember and it has always helped. I believe I was using another username at the time but coulnd't remember the password to that.

 

Anyway - short and sweet here. I have been dating this girl I fell madly in love with for 1.5 years. About 4 months ago, I started reconnecting with an ex. She was "the one that got away" moved away, and havent talked in over 4 years, it was a healthy and mutual split because of timing and obviously long distance. She came back into the area and we were talking almost everyday since August.

 

Things were going south with my current gf and we had problems way before my ex came back into the picture (we also live together), so it made my ex look much more appealing. Physically I am much more attracted to her than my current gf, its not to say that my current gf is not attractive however. My current gf and I weren't sleeping together, it had been 4 months since we had sex and neither of us could explain why.

 

Anyway - I broke up with my current gf on Tuesday and have been a mess ever since. I am beginning to feel regret, missing her, the memories, and what we built like crazy, feel awful that I hurt her, etc. On the other hand - I have enjoyed talking to my ex and am excited to possibly see where that goes. I just don't want to make a decision that I'll regret later. I have no idea what to do. I am a 29 year old male btw.

 

Any insight would be great. Either side of a breakup sucks and I know that. I keep picturing the future with the new girl AND thinking of going back to my ex to make it work. I am seriously 50/50 on this... any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys.

[gebaird]

I am always an advocate of allowing a relationship to live or die on its own merits, not ending it just because someone else comes into the picture. It sounds like things were pretty rough in your relationship for the past several months. Maybe you tried to make it work and maybe you didn't, but if you feel like it was never going to get better then you probably made the right decision. It's normal to feel regret, wondering if you made the right decision, especially when her pain is part of the equation. But if it wasn't working and couldn't be fixed, you made the only decision you could.

 

I would take things slow with the girl who returned to your life. You need time to process and heal before starting a new relationship, and you don't want her to just be a rebound.

[HardHeaded]

Agreed 100%. The girl who returned to my life understands and know that as I have conveyed that to her numerous times.

 

I am going to miss many aspects of my relationship with my ex though and as weird as it may sound, I still love her, but realized that we werent right for each other. I am just very confused on what to do right now. I tried things to fix us but it always came back to rock bottom. I don't know what to do... part of me hasn't ruled out going back to make it work...either side - im going to wonder "what if" and regret though... b

[rosecolored108]

^ I tend to agree with this. If things were rough for months at a time, with little change, that is not a good sign. You were only dating for 1.5 years. The first year or so in a relationship really should not be tumultuous, to that extent.

 

It is definitely natural to feel regret, especially if you have feelings for this girl, but you probably ended it for a reason.

 

I agree that tread carefully with the ex from awhile back...things could reconnect there, but be careful of transferring your feelings from your most recent break-up. Take that situation slowly.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It's never easy no matter how clear your decision is about what you need to do. Did you sort out all the details of moving out?

About 4 months ago, I started reconnecting with an ex. I broke up with my current gf on Tuesday and have been a mess ever since. I am beginning to feel regret, missing her, the memories, and what we built like crazy, feel awful that I hurt her, etc. On the other hand - I have enjoyed talking to my ex and am excited to possibly see where that goes.

[browser]

Things were going south with the current gf, there was no sex for months, that one was crashing and burning it was only a matter of time. You seem to be clueless as to why things went south, which means you are destined to repeat the same mistakes in each and every new relationship unless you get lucky and meet a woman who can work with your flaws.

 

Whether or not things will work out with the ex depends largely on whether the original problems have been resolved, odds are they aren't and you'll have a brief honeymoon fling and it will be over, but then you can start fresh with someone new.

 

Just in time for New Years!

[BrokenGator]

So you were talking with the old exgf everyday for a few months. Did the recent exgf know that?

[catfeeder]

Your grief over ending the relationship is natural, and inevitable. This is the state you were trying to avoid by remaining in a lousy relationship, but that created its own set of problems.

 

It's unfortunate that you held onto this ex for so long while engaging with the other. That creates a 'leapfrog' scenario where you line up one person before you'll let go of one that's not working out.

 

That's not against the law, it just taints your judgment and can become a pattern. It creates a contrast where everything about the new person (or in this case ex) seems so appealing in contrast to the one to whom you're being disloyal.

 

I believe in resolving old business before starting a new interest, but what's done is done. You can either torture yourself by digging a deeper hole to climb out of, or you can view the breakup as necessary and long overdue. I can't speak for you, but I like to tip the scales of success in my favor by viewing my course through a lens of optimism rather than sabotage myself by belaboring my choices. Then, if things don't go well on my current course, I can reevaluate clearly in hindsight rather than sink my chances of success from the gate.

 

Head high.