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Hi Everyone

 

I need some advice.

 

My ex girlfriend broke up with me back in May , and it was a very shore but intense relationship mainly from her end and it ended kind of out the blue which did break me a little bit , however I pursued counselling and was there for a few months just to help me process everything and allow myself to move on.

 

During this time , I started speaking to the receptionist , just casual conversation to begin with and then after I left counselling me and her went for a drink and we started to spend more time together and speak on a regular basis. We then started actually seeing each other and she is really smitten with me and it is really nice however usually in my relationships of the puppy dog , im the one who is extremely smitten and in this case I'm not. Now don't get me wrong I do love spending time with her and I look forward to seeing her, putting a smile on her face and miss her when shes not around but its not intoxicating as it has been before, usually I let the relationship basically consume me.

 

I am just wondering is this natural ? I have asked a few friends and they have said it's probably me protecting myself after my last few relationships (where I have been dumped every time) but I am just a little paranoid about it, and questioning myself and the whole thing.

 

Any advice/thoughts would be appreciated

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You can miss a friend and enjoy time spent with her. The difference between a friend and romantic interest is that when you're looking at her face, do you think, "Wow, she's so beautiful. I really want to kiss her." If that's not happening, then the chemistry is missing and it's best not to go forward with her.

 

If you do feel like kissing her, then maybe in the past you thrived on dysfunction and a challenge because the woman left you off balance and didn't return your affection. If this woman is clearly into you and you don't fear her dumping you, maybe you just feel relaxed and it feels strange to you. Only you can determine what's going on, but maybe some of my ideas might ring a bell with you. Take care.

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Hi Andrina

 

Thank you for reply, yeah when I am with her i do like kissing her and I think shes gorgeous.

 

It's just as I said usually Im the smitten one and its like a flash in the pan sort of thing , really intense but then it fizzles out , with my girlfriend at the moment there i definitely a flame there and it is slowly growing, and I am fine when im with her i'm not anxious or anything, but when I'm away from here my anxiety starts backs up

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It's kind of interesting that you are in therapy for crash and burn addictive relationships and then start dating the therapist's receptionist and think it feels unnatural to not be in a crash and burn, thrills and highs situation.

 

Enjoy dating, let the pace flow. Continue the therapy, maybe bring up why a healthy pace feels unnatural to you.

its not intoxicating as it has been before, usually I let the relationship basically consume me.
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I'm wondering this too ^^

 

You are in therapy there.. for reasons!

 

Not sure why you'd even consider... getting into something with the receptionist there?

 

You are STILL working on YOU.. are you not??

 

I suggest.. to back off that.. and she should get a talking to.. for getting involved with a patient.. pfft.

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Interestingly a lot people who go to love/sex addiction 12 step help groups add a step 13...look for dates/sex/hookups.

 

Does the therapist know you are dating the receptionist? Does the therapist know a about the withdrawal anxiety?

It's just as I said usually Im the smitten one and its like a flash in the pan sort of thing , really intense but then it fizzles out. I am fine when im with her i'm not anxious or anything, but when I'm away from here my anxiety starts backs up
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Hi everyone thank you for the replies

 

 

Just to confirm I am not actually in therapy now, I had 10 session with my therapist and then I spoke to the receptionist for a month or so after I had finished and only then started to see her , after I was completely finished with it.

 

And I do see what people mean with me being detached and potentially protecting myself , so the best course of action would be to try and relax and just give it time and see if things become better

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