Did I make a mistake by accepting my ex’s request on Fb?

[TheOutsider1]

He is my most recent ex. We ended almost 2 years ago. He basically disappeared from my life without saying why. I’ll add the link here, in case someone wants to know that part of the story.

 

I was very in love with him for a few years. Even now, I still struggle with how things ended. A couple of months ago I started to feel a bit better. I was starting to heal slowly, I could feel it. And I don’t know why this happens, but as soon as someone starts to heal, the ex comes back. He sent me a friend request on Facebook, and I accepted it. He sent me a message first, asking how I was doing. It was the basic “good, how are you?” and when he replied, I read it, but I didn’t reply again. All he said was that he’s been doing good too.

 

I accepted his friend request with the intention of testing myself to see if I was finally over him. Well, I just realized that I am not. I was also hoping to hear an apology or explanation of why he disappeared, which I didn’t get either. So now my anger came back again. All of the pain, and memories, and hate for him, because of how he disappeared, and never apologized or said why. I then decided that I would prove to him that I am doing great without him, by posting happy posts, great pictures, etc. I wanted him to see what he missed out on. I have started to notice a difference in his posts recently, and I can tell that he is not very happy with what I’ve been posting. It is obvious that some of his posts are directed towards me, so now we have been doing this back and forth, passive aggressive posts about crappy exes, and how our lives are better without one another, etc. I am now seeing that I got involved in an immature game that has no end. It is taking up too much energy from me, and I find myself feeling angry often, at the memory of him, as well as his posts, and even more so at the fact that he STILL hasn’t apologized or even explained why he disappeared. Why would he contact me almost two years later, if he wasn’t going to apologize?

 

So now I’m debating if I should delete him from my page. Part of me wants to so that I can heal properly, but the other part of me feels that if I delete him, he’s going to think that “he won,” and I don’t want him to think that he has an effect on me. Yes, I obviously care about what he thinks, I’m not over him. But I don’t want to lose my dignity and pride this time, because I already went through that with him before. I want to prove that I am strong, and that he doesn’t bother me, even though this whole situation is really hurting me, and probably prolonging my healing.

[kbbcoop77]

Ugh, block and delete him!! What he thinks is irrelevant! Total NO CONTACT...believe me it's been my lifesaver. Just block, delete and get back on the healing path.

[boltnrun]

He "won" as soon as you accepted his friend request. It's a great way to let him know you are NOT over him.

[Broomwood]

Waw, two years since break up, and you're still hung up on him. This is a long time. To me, the Facebook request or who replied what to whom, is just a detail, and it's irrelevant. We need to look at facts. Fact one, he had disappeared from your life without saying why. Fact two, you're still pretty much ready to jump back with him should he put in a bit more effort.

 

Addressing the fact one, how is this demonstrative of a guy with good ethics? And of a strong guy? And of a guy who cared about you? It is not. Then if he was a) unethical, b) a chicken to have a sit down with you and explain why he is leaving, and c) didn't give a damn about you, and yet, you still love him somewhere deep down ... let me ask you, does it mean that you love yourself? Does it mean that you care for yourself? Does it mean that you want the best for your own little girl, your inner child, who is vulnerable and innocent? As the apparent answer is no, why not to try and address this fundamental weakness first of all?

If you do this, you'll see how your hung up quickly disappears, and your world will be full of wonderful guys, who treat you well.

[requiem]

I'm concerned that it has taken two years to get over someone. He must really have vanished from your life, without explanation. Have you been with anyone else since?

 

If you're looking for closure, maybe you should ask him outright (but keep your cool, and don't show that you still hurt over it). This might cause you more hurt, but for me, it would be worth the risk.

 

You can also stop 'following' him on fb: still be friends, hide his posts from your feed.

[Wiseman2]

Totally agree. What about when you start dating? besides all the great reasons other posters mentioned, do you really want new men seeing your ex as your fb friend?

 

Design your social media image and presence to reflect being single. rather than entertain this request, focus on putting together a great profile and some pics on dating sites.

 

Keep busy just browsing and seeing who may be out there for you. When you are ready, start messaging and meeting men for coffee. Much better way to spend your time than seeing an ex's social media presence, no?

Ugh, block and delete him!! What he thinks is irrelevant! Total NO CONTACT...believe me it's been my lifesaver. Just block, delete and get back on the healing path.

[browser]

The FB contact may set you back.

 

Nothing good can come of it.

 

Your next move should be obvious.

[Tick]

You know there is a buttom named "unfriend"

As you said he disappeared without a reason, so you can kick him out of fb without a reason

[TheOutsider1]

I deleted him. I feel a bit better. Now back to starting on my healing journey again. Accepting his request wasn't too bad of a choice after all. I was able to see that he is still the same jerk as always, which makes me want him even less.

Thank you everyone. Have A Happy and blessed New Year!

[catfeeder]

Did I make a mistake by accepting my ex’s request on Fb?

 

Yes. I'd undo that, immediately.

[obsessed2]

I deleted him. I feel a bit better. Now back to starting on my healing journey again. Accepting his request wasn't too bad of a choice after all. I was able to see that he is still the same jerk as always, which makes me want him even less.

Thank you everyone. Have A Happy and blessed New Year!

 

Also, please4 make sure you have him block on your phone from calls and texts, email and all social media. He may try to contact you in another way since you so easily let him back into your life through FB. Learn from this and power forward.