reading mixed signs.

[a angry moose]

I might be just blind to her advances but i might also be just over reading things but here we go. So 3 months ago this amazing girl came and worked with me for 2 weeks at my work space and we hit it off really well. We took long walks when we were not busy with work and talked constantly. Yet after the 2 weeks she had to back to her home town which is my home town. So i make trips to see my son (i have been divorced for one and a half years and my ex wife is already dating some other guy) who is also in my home town. I ask her if she want to hang with me and my son while we go down town. So we walk around for a bit and eat some pizza and frozen yogurt (which she pays for both me and my sons meals). After that we are walking back to the car cause its getting late and my son (who is 4) is getting sleepy. On the way to the car she extends out her hand. I thought she was extending her hand out to my son so i said "don't worry you can hold her hand she's cool" but my son refused out of embarrassment. Now I'm tortured at the fact that she might have been holding her hand out to me!! what do you all think? please let me know if this was clear enough. Thank you

[Broomwood]

This is such a detail really. If she likes you, who she was extending the hand to, doesn't matter whatsoever. What would mater to me be I that girl is that you are a proper gentleman and treat me well. That means, if you invite me to hang out with you and your son downtown you pay for the treats.

[Wiseman2]

She seems interested . For now, ask her out on one-on-one dates without taking your son along. Way too soon for anything like that.

 

Agree that letting her pick up the tab for both you and your son when you invited her "on a date" was not good. She's not the new nanny.

 

Do adult things like dinner etc. let her get to know you before introducing children. What's the point of a family day when you should be dating first? It avoids confusion like this to simply date first for a while..

I ask her if she want to hang with me and my son while we go down town. i said "don't worry you can hold her hand she's cool" but my son refused out of embarrassment.

[catfeeder]

Yep, you're over thinking a non-event. If the woman intended the handshake for you, she gathered that you believed she meant it for your son by what you said. It didn't really matter, and she could tell by your son's reluctance that you already had your hands too full to pursue a correction.

 

No biggie.

 

What is a biggie is dating 'around' your son. I'd consider this one time to have served as an ice breaker, so you'll no longer need to hold up your toddler as valid reason to be in her area. You can ask her out for adult dates, and keep your dating life separate from your family life going forward.

 

Two reasons for this: first, it's better to bond with new dates one on one to learn whether your interests align, and second, young kids don't 'get' dating--they bond quickly. It makes no sense to introduce your son to your dates unless and until you've reached a stage of commitment that will be permanent. Otherwise, you risk teaching your son that adult relationship are disposable, and this is a formative time for him.

 

Your son has already lived through the breakup of your marriage. He needs security from you and shouldn't need to compete for your attention with any woman. If the time comes for settling into a long range commitment with a lover, you can start exposing him to her for short periods until they form a comfortable bond. Then you can bring them together for longer periods until his acceptance of her as his own friend is organic and unforced.

 

Son is dependent on you to use good judgment. Blending your parental visits into dates is what's cynically called 'using your kid as a prop'. I don't believe that you intentionally did that, but I'd make sure that any further pursuit of this woman is child free, just as future time with your son is devoted strictly to him or to mixing him with other kids.

 

Head high, it looks like your interest in this woman is mutual. Happy 2017.