Engaged but he lied

[GeorgiaW]

Ok so Christmas Day my boyfriend proposed to me.. I said yes. The ring is beautiful but it was slightly big, he said it was similar to the promise ring I wanted. And He told me how much it was... why he told me I don't know. Anyway Boxing Day he changed it to a smaller size he didn't let me go with him I though it was weird so my gut instinct told me something was going on. I searched the promise ring I wanted and it was exactly the same one he got me. I thought why has he lied. Next day I went to the shop that does the promise ring to look if it was exactly the same and it was.. I text him saying you did get me the ring I wanted after all he said similar yeah. Anyway we was talking he said he got it from a different shop but I new he was lieing. He got all defensive. In the end he told me the truth.

It's a silly lie and he was trying to impress me he said.

Am I over reacting ?

Why did he lie about something so stupid . It was the ring I wanted so what if it was a promise ring, so what if it was cheap. I'm really mad he lied about where he got it from and how much it cost.

A lie is a lie big or small right?

[j.man]

Don't know why he lied. Don't know why you felt the need to personally visit shops to verify something so trivial. A lot of "...why?" to go around here.

 

You're either happy you're engaged or not. Can't for the life of me see how this on its own would take away from that.

[joxxx]

I guess he wanted to impress you. I think you should enjoy it and not think so much about it

[RainyCoast]

i would be upset at you for getting so investigative.

 

ppl need to learn how to accept gifts. and gestures.

[sara-pezzini]

I just checked for some history and you broke up with him over the summer and were having so much doubts about him and if you should take him back. Apparently you did but how are those issues now?

Are you sure this is not about more than just the ring and that lie? You clearly don't trust him to go around stores just to check up on him, are you sure the issues are resolved? Are you sure you want to marry a man you broke up with just a few months ago?

[mustlovedogs]

Agreed with the above. I feel like you're trying to make an issue (and, more importantly, find details of this issue) when there isn't one.

 

If he's trying to show off a bit, is it because you've put him in a spot where he feels like he needs to compensate? Did you talk at length about the extravagant costs of your friend's engagement rings?

 

He may feel insecure.

[DancingFool]

Him fibbing about the cost I can at least understand why.... You actually going around to the shops asking questions and investigating.....there is just so so so much wrong with that I don't even know what to say. I'd guess though that while pointing a finger at him, you don't even see how odd your own behavior is and I would wonder just how much it's the reason for him lying.

[Wiseman2]

Is there a difference between a promise ring and an engagement ring?

 

Isn't a promise ring called a "pre-engagement" ring? Sounds like the "proposal" is more phony than the price he claimed.

 

What made you checkup on this? Is your gut still making you doubt his reliability and integrity?

I had been with him 2years. I also don't see us having a future, for example moving out, we have been saying it for ages but nothing's changed. Since iv been with him he has had so many jobs I can't even keep count, he just won't go in one day and make and excuse his ill. I need stability I have always told him this.

[qwaspolk82]

Ok so Christmas Day my boyfriend proposed to me.. I said yes. The ring is beautiful but it was slightly big, he said it was similar to the promise ring I wanted. And He told me how much it was... why he told me I don't know. Anyway Boxing Day he changed it to a smaller size he didn't let me go with him I though it was weird so my gut instinct told me something was going on. I searched the promise ring I wanted and it was exactly the same one he got me. I thought why has he lied. Next day I went to the shop that does the promise ring to look if it was exactly the same and it was.. I text him saying you did get me the ring I wanted after all he said similar yeah. Anyway we was talking he said he got it from a different shop but I new he was lieing. He got all defensive. In the end he told me the truth.

It's a silly lie and he was trying to impress me he said.

Am I over reacting ?

Why did he lie about something so stupid . It was the ring I wanted so what if it was a promise ring, so what if it was cheap. I'm really mad he lied about where he got it from and how much it cost.

A lie is a lie big or small right?

 

This is your biggest worry? Your fiancé got you a ring you wanted? Who cares why he lied? It's not like he cheated or anything. Just let it go.

[CurlyQSue]

I think you got what you want...don't make him feel about it and don't fight about it or ruin it. Enjoy it and be happy. He was probably trying to impress you or something. I personally don't see the need in asking a guy how much they paid or where they got it....shouldn't matter if you guys love each other. Be impressed that he remembered exactly what you wanted and took the time out to get it for you and had the nerve to propose. It's hard for guys sometimes.

[Tanzi]

I am soooooo confused. I got lost at the fact that you had to look up whether it was the same as the promise ring you had wanted. Surely you would know if it was the same as a ring you had already see? And is there a difference between a promise ring and an engagement ring? I mean in the sense that is it actually called a "promise" ring and therefore NOT an engagement ring. IDK, maybe I'm confusing matters but I'm a bit unsure as to what the real issue is here.

[catfeeder]

To be honest, neither of you sound quite mature enough to make a lifelong commitment to one another. I don't mean that in a harsh or negative way. That, and based on Sara-P's remarks about your recent history with this guy, I think you're wise to question whether you'd reallly want to go through with this.

 

I'd skip beating him up about the ring, and focus instead on being kind if you decide to pull out of this. Immaturity has people reaching for drama and fights in order to villainize the other person and make them 'wrong'. You don't need to fight your way through this.

 

All relationships being voluntary, it's okay to decide that you just don't envision a future with someone. You don't need to build a 'case' against the guy, and belaboring his faults won't make him into the person you want. There are no judges or juries in your love life, so nobody needs to be the villain. When you believe that you deserve to find a better relationship, you can be kind about making a clean break--without trying to hurt that person, and without trying to play friendzies afterward to keep yourselves in limbo hell.

 

Head high, and write more if it helps.

[faraday]

I think it's more about intention. If he intended it to be an engagement ring, than it is.

 

My engagement ring is technically a cocktail ring. It was the ring that I loved...Why would I get a ring I liked less just because it was labeled correctly?...I'm not sure what my wedding band is, but it's not categorized as a wedding band either. I'm not traditional at all, so my jewelry choices aren't either...but what the rings represent to me is what matters. My ring means forever...fidelity...it's my promise to him to be his. And that is WAY more important than what the ring designers intention for the ring was.

 

 

 

Is there a difference between a promise ring and an engagement ring?

 

Isn't a promise ring called a "pre-engagement" ring? Sounds like the "proposal" is more phony than the price he claimed.

 

What made you checkup on this? Is your gut still making you doubt his reliability and integrity?

[browser]

More marriages fail than succeed, and we're talking couples that get along without a care in the world, they exchange their vows, and then some time later the doubts, the lack of trust, the differences between them, start to creep in and things slowly but surely turn south and the happy couple is headed for divorce.

 

From your history, things are ALREADY going south.

 

This one isn't looking so good to go the distance.

 

I think you need to be more realistic about your future expectations.

 

Marriage aint all it's cracked up to be and it certainly doesn't fix pre-existing problems. In fact it can often make them indescribably worse.