Long term relationship, on a break, need help!

[HelpMeBarbeque]

So me and my girlfriend have been dating for nearly three years and recently we decided it was best to take a break. Our relationship started back near the end of high school and continued through college as we went to the same university. I called the break a couple weeks ago and we planned to meet and talk after the new year. We were both very sad but mature and civil about it.

 

Our relationship used to be incredibly passionate and we used to have uncanny chemistry, but for a while now we have been disagreeing and arguing a lot and it feels like we have somewhat drifted apart. Over the course of our relationship, we have developed into different people than when we first started dating and now have different lifestyles and goals which we want to achieve. As far as the relationship itself goes, she can be clingy (constantly wants to hangout even when Im busy with other things like school and work and she hates it when I hangout with my friends), she never wants to do anything sexual but wants me to be even more romantic (NOT the reason for the break but we have not had sex for a year and it can be frustrating), and we seem to have found different interests (she's just into different things than I am and we can have a hard time relating). I admit that I am also at fault in the relationship but those are the foundations of many of our arguments.

 

With all that said, it's not like we are bad for one another. Much of the time if we do disagree, we can work things out and patch things over. We also have so many shared experiences and we know each other so well that we can often tell when the other needs help and how to help them. Honestly, it's not like something is necessarily or outright wrong but it feels like something just isn't right. I still care for her and I still love her very much, but I feel like in the long term (And this is the hardest thing for me) we would not be happy together at least with our current aspirations, lifestyles, and tendencies. Although, she's said before that she could see herself marrying me but I honestly don't know what I want from a life-partner at this point and I genuinely don't know if I could spend the rest of my life with her.

 

I haven't been single in my adult life and sometimes wonder what else could be out there for me. Right now, I feel like I need some time to be independent and figure some things out. Still, it feels like if we break up now that were throwing everything we had away. So should I stay with her and try to work things out? Should I end things? Is it wrong to be thinking like this? What would you do in my situation?

 

Im 21 and have not been single for a long time and this is my first serious relationship so Im kind of inexperienced with all this. Im just sad and confused right now. Thanks for the help and sorry for the great wall of text.

[rosecolored108]

"I haven't been single in my adult life and sometimes wonder what else could be out there for me. Right now, I feel like I need some time to be independent and figure some things out."

 

There is your answer. You are young yet.

 

It is not wrong to be thinking like this. If you are having these feelings now, better to explore them now then by continuing a relationship you are not 100% satisfied with...

 

Relationships should be fulfilling. It sounds like yours is not...at least not completely. Growing into different people happens during some relationships, especially when you start out young.

 

I would take some time to work on yourself and figure out what you want from life. If you are having doubts now, they will not just go away. Follow your instincts and your gut.

 

I know it may be hard since it sounds like you truly care for her, but, if, in the future, you two really were right, you will find your way back.

 

And if not, at least, you will have been brave enough to explore things yourself and follow your instincts.

 

Good luck!

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Agree that you need to be independent, experience freedom, focus more on your future, career/studies and gaining life experience. Being tied down to a relationship for 3 yrs since age 17 is too young and for too long.

 

To be honest it's natural to drift apart while going through critical life changes. The arguing doesn't help and reveals some normal changes in attitudes, directions and goals.

 

It sounds like she's a bit too immature and attached and a break is best for that. You would kick yourself if you settle down into this and the immature conflicts without knowing what else and who else is out there. Sounds like you are doing both of yourselves a favor.

Im 21. I called the break a couple weeks ago. I feel like I need some time to be independent and figure some things out. disagreeing and arguing a lot and it feels like we have somewhat drifted apart. she can be clingy constantly wants to hangout even when Im busy with other things like school and work and she hates it when I hangout with my friends, she never wants to do anything sexual but wants me to be even more romantic

[MissCanuck]

Agreed with Wiseman.

 

You two are very young and both need your chance to grow and be independent. It sounds like she in particular needs time to mature. The way she is behaving (being overly clingy and possessive) is unfair and indicates a young mindset. It's not wise to stay when you feel stifled.

 

I would take the opportunity to end the relationship anyway, as it sounds like it's really gone downhill. You don't sound very happy and neither does she.

[KantSleep]

"NOT the reason for the break but we have not had sex for a year and it can be frustrating". That is all I need to read. At your age, and the sex is gone? Run to the nearest exit. OK, now that I got that off my chest - it's time to find someone who meets your needs on a variety of levels. While she may be a lovely girl, you don't sound compatible. Good luck, I know it can be painful.