Boyfriend

[123jennab]

Hi

This is really short, just need a general opinion because when I gave the long story people didn't address what I really needed advice on.

 

Right before I had broken up with my boyfriend I hung out with a group of friends and one of them kissed me. It almost felt platonic besides the fact that it was on my lips and I didn't even see it coming. I did not kiss back and avoided him the rest of the night but after that happened I didn't really care to say what happened because the next day my boyfriend and I broke up. (I had been planning on breaking up with him for a while)

 

It's been a couple months, and my boyfriend and I got back together. I've been thinking about telling him but I'm not sure if it's really important because we broke up right after.

I'm aware I could've controlled the situation by not hanging out with this guy (who was just a friend) reacting quicker when he kissed me so on so forth, and I have learned from the situation and now know not to put myself in that situation again because it was stupid. So please don't respond with how what I did was wrong even though I technically didn't do anything, because I already have beat myself up enough.

I'm very happy now with my boyfriend and I guess I want to tell him because I want to be as honest as possible, but at the same time it's the past and it's when we were both struggling in our relationship and we broke up, plus the fact that I didn't kiss this guy back makes me feel as though I shouldn't have guilt but I still sort of do.. even though we broke up for a while.

 

Advice?

[Wiseman2]

You don't owe anyone any explanations of what you do while on break. Also why bother him with this trivia? "Honest as possible" is fine but creating drama or TMI is not.

[JaggerJim]

You need to figure out why you want to confess.

 

It's almost as tho you want to make him jealous. But I could be wrong on that fact.

[123jennab]

we weren't on a break, we broke up right after this happened. that's where I feel conflicted.

[123jennab]

no, i don't want to make him jealous. i think I'm just mad at myself for putting myself in the situation and that's why I've been going back and forth with telling him or not.

[JaggerJim]

He's happy with you, so why go spoil it now? Your lucky he took you back the first time, and you want to jeapordize it all over again with that news. Why?

 

I don't beleive you when you say your conflicted. You want a rise out of him.

[123jennab]

lol if i wanted that i wouldve told him already!

 

thanks for the advice tho. true

[Scoe141]

no, i don't want to make him jealous. i think I'm just mad at myself for putting myself in the situation and that's why I've been going back and forth with telling him or not.

 

I had this happen to me in college. While I was dating this girl she kissed some guy. I didn't know about it until after we broke up. I wish she never told me, as it wasn't relevant. Now when I think of her, that's what I associate her with. She was a cheater, plain and simple.

 

I wouldn't share that information your ex. At this point it's irrelevant. Just let it be a lesson for your next relationship. You're absolutely right when you said, "technically" you did nothing wrong. However, if I was your ex I would be more concerned about what precipitated that kiss.

 

Let it go and allow your ex to heal.

[123jennab]

I had this happen to me in college. While I was dating this girl she kissed some guy. I didn't know about it until after we broke up. I wish she never told me, as it wasn't relevant. Now when I think of her, that's what I associate her with. She was a cheater, plain and simple.

 

I wouldn't share that information your ex. At this point it's irrelevant. Just let it be a lesson for your next relationship. You're absolutely right when you said, "technically" you did nothing wrong. However, if I was your ex I would be more concerned about what precipitated that kiss.

 

Let it go and allow your ex to heal.

 

we're back together lol. people never finish reading posts wow

[j.man]

Unnecessary drama.

[JaggerJim]

Your on a mission to destroy his New Years.

[RainyCoast]

Basically you got an unexpected peck on the lips. And you're acting like you need to confess to heartbreak by singing " Baby did a bad bad thing".

 

This idea of stirring up s..t is so banal the subterfuge must be interesting. Knowing your motives for telling might help your conscience more than unnecessary provocation.

[Scoe141]

we're back together lol. people never finish reading posts wow

 

Yea, that's my fault. I should have read it more carefully. Please don't be so harsh, I'm trying to help you here.

 

Moving on.. I stand by what I wrote. He has the right to know what transpired. Here's why:

 

1. If it comes out, which it more than likely will, he would probably want to hear it from you. If he does find out another way, there's the strong chance it's going to look a lot worse. i.e. that you were hiding something.

 

2. Again, I'm not concerned about the peck on the lips. I would be more concerned about what precipitated that kiss. A guy isn't going to randomly walk up to someone and kiss them. (Unless there were extenuating circumstances that led up to it.) You owe it to your boyfriend to tell him. He has a right to know. Not to mention, it would be disrespectful to withhold this from him.

 

It looks like this is eating away at your conscience. You wouldn't be on here if it didn't bother you. If you tell him exactly what happened, chances are he will forgive you. If you don't tell him, and he finds out another way, he may not be so forgiving.

 

Good luck.

[Batya33]

If you tell him it won't be because you're "honest" but because you are oversharing and because you want some sort of reaction out of him. If he ever asks you if you ever received a peck on the lips while you two were exclusive, then tell him the truth but first ask him why he even is asking the question.

 

If you're mad at yourself for playing with potential fire, then deal with yourself....yourself -what in the world can a biased boyfriend do with that situation?

[RainyCoast]

A guy isn't going to randomly walk up to someone and kiss them. (Unless there were extenuating circumstances that led up to it.) You owe it to your boyfriend to tell him.

this rings true. i haven't read previous threads, but suspect the "kiss in the group of friends event" has some kind of background, which isn't unrelated to the break-up. that, you would do well to not sweep under the rug. the kiss i would leave out, at least until i was clear with myself what i'm trying to achieve and why. the motive isn't to benefit the boyfriend.

[JaggerJim]

Personally, I think the relationship isn't going so well, so to test the waters, and how he fees about her, she wants to disclose this revelating news.

 

I don't think she should bother, he will just fly into a jealous rage, it will never go back to how it was orginally, and it will all be doomed.

[RainyCoast]

well now. i just read the other thread.

 

the guy kissed her uninvited twice. she told the boyfriend about the first kiss, but not the second.

 

i'm having a hard time picturing things. on one hand, in both posts, it sounds like no responsibility is being taken for the contact on OPs part, the guy just kissed her.

 

on the other hand, i don't exactly agree with the argument that men don't just walk up to women kissing them. people walk up to people with the idea they're entitled to do many things uninvited and without consent.

 

i'm not sure what happened here. but if someone forced anything on me once, i'd never hang out in the same room with them again.

 

again, i wouldn't say it. because if the guy was being...aggressive...there's nothing about the information that is relevant or helpful to the boyfriend. if you exercised poor boundaries or enterntained a guy's ideas, knowing his intentions and hoping he doesn't act on them, it's a discussion you need to have with yourself first.

.

p.s. i would also think about whether you may not be trying to get him to dump you. the first time you tried breaking up with him but couldn't because you pitied him. i would venture to guess that's how you got back together as well.

[ParisPaulette]

Sometimes a problem is better left simply handled with no mention made to a partner. Something like this falls into that category. Someone made a pass at you, you dropped him out of your life, it's done. Not a big deal and nothing you need to tell your boyfriend. I've done this twice with people who made passes at me when I'm married. I didn't tell my husband because I'm a big girl who can handle herself and the men in question got dropped, hard, out of my life over it. After receiving the blazing edge of my words, because I tend to have a temper and you do not touch me without my permission. End of story.

 

I saw something once I liked where someone posted, "I don't want a girl that wants me to fight other guys for her, I want a girl who will fight other men to be with and stay with me."

 

And that's kind of what you did and what you should do. Really, unless someone is getting scary with you and you need to give your partner a heads up that things could get ugly or you need someone to watch your back, or it's more serious you don't have to tell them every time someone hits on you. That kind of thing can create mistrust and suspicion as well as feed insecurities, because it's not necessary and it can become almost a "hey, other people want me, remember that."

 

I know that's not how you see it, but really people will occasionally flirt with you or hit on you and you let them know you aren't available, don't welcome the attention, then distance yourself or drop them altogether. And it's done, which is what you did here.

 

There's nothing to tell.