Lost interest in my crush once he started dating then liking me .. HELP

[Sarah1231]

Had a crush on him for a very long time but he didn't even know I exist. He is heartbreakingly intelligent and funny and I was extremely attracted to him. Added him on FB but never talked. I am kind of a writer and I play the piano so he started liking my posts and videos and one time he sent me a message then we started talking but still not much. Started talking abit more in real life then he asked me out. We went on 4 dates and all were kinda short because we're both busy with work and stuff. But i had so much fun sitting with him talking and laughing.

 

Now the problem is, he is starting to like me, ALOT. At the beginning it was so beautiful; my crush is liking me back and we're dating and it's all good. The thing is, ever since he started flirting with me and caring about me, not obsessively, just the normal limit, I don't know why I started losing interest. Why I started doubting whether this is what I want.

 

If I ever heard a girl saying she lost interest in a man she once liked because he is treating her with care and tinderness and flirting with her like a lovely princess I would totally call her a spoiled bit** who only likes what she can't have and deserve someone who treats her like sh**.

 

I really really hate myself for this and I don't want to feel this way, he is a great guy and I don't wanna lose him yet I can't help but feeling less attracted to him.

 

Is this because I don't see him quite often? I seem to really enjoy his presence but we haven't met for a while due to my work circumstances and this loss of attraction developed during this period.

 

I hate this and don't know why is it happening

[JaggerJim]

It's probably because you didn't know him at the start, but you were attracted to him. But since you have got to know him, he's not quite what your looking for.

 

It happens.

[browser]

He's too accessible, too available. Maybe even a bit too needy.

 

What we don't have to work for, we perceive as having little to no value.

 

I bet if he was somewhat detached, and hard to get ahold of, and wasn't always available for dates, you'd be all over him.

 

It's human nature to want what we cannot have.

[katrina1980]

Since you didn't "really" know him, you weren't crushing on "him" per se but the "fantasy" of him.

 

Once reality hit and you got to know the "real" him, you weren't quite so enthralled anymore.

 

Try to not be so hard on yourself.

 

We've all had our fantasies about people, then reality hits and we're like "what was I thinking"?

 

It's okay! BTDT.

[Wiseman2]

A crush is a fantasy build up in your mind to an unrealistic perfection. A date is a real person with his own humanness and characteristics. Not a fairy tale you can assign things to like a doll. Once things mature you'll start to like guys for who they really are not who you imagine them to be.

The thing is, ever since he started flirting with me and caring about me, not obsessively, just the normal limit, I don't know why I started losing interest. Why I started doubting whether this is what I want.

[Andrina]

Having a crush on someone can be totally different than actually wanting a relationship with them. I remember when I was 18, I had a crush on my soccer coach who was 27. (Not at school, just a local league). When he actually spoke of wanting to date me, I thought it strange that I had had a crush on him, but when it became more of a reality, I decided I didn't want to. I was afraid of the age difference and cultural differences.

 

Perhaps you didn't feel the chemistry you thought you would in person. It could be another reason, like maybe subconsciously you don't feel like you deserve to be treated well and will reject anyone without disfunction. Whatever the case may be, if you don't pine to see him in what is supposed to be the honeymoon phase, it's not going to work. Best to end things now instead of being part of a charade. You'd want the same thing to happen if a guy really wasn't into you.

[meoww]

It could also be that you are afraid to be vulnerable. Right now you kind of have the upper hand, but that doesn't always last.

 

Is it possible to slow things down a little, to a pace that you're more comfortable with? Not every relationship has to be intense or start off that way, and you seem young. Don't take the connection you have for granted, so far there is a good give and take, and things are stable. He treats you well, he cares, and you enjoy his company, it's funny how rare it is to find that.

[ParisPaulette]

This happens, because the fantasy crush was enjoyable. But then you get to know them and you find out that crush was pretty much on the fantasy and not the reality. And the harsh reality is you don't really feel anything for the guy once you started getting to know him in real life.

 

I'm sorry, this happens. It doesn't matter how great someone treats you, if that was the basis for love we'd all probably be doing a lot better, but it's not. There has to be more than just "gee, this person is nice to me." Plus that's just a basic common level of behavior we should expect of everyone. Everyone should be kind and considerate and nice to each other, period.

 

This still doesn't mean they'll be a good love match. I've had this before, I've had it done to me before. Crushes are fantasy until you get to know the person and then sadly there just not may be enough interest in the real world to grow it into something else. Move on and understand neither of you did anything wrong, it just is what it is.