Am I being dramatic?

[LadyBug1988]

So I met this guy online and we seem to get along fantastic. He's sweet, funny, generous, attentive, affectionate, and a complete gentleman. We have only been talking for a week but have already gone on three dates. He sort of overcompensated on our second date buying me a very expensive pair of heels for Christmas, I returned the favor and surprised him with an equally priced cologne (because I couldn't let him do that). The also took me to an expensive outing yesterday, so I paid equally for an expensive dinner because I don't like men spending tons of money on me.

 

He's super romantic, and everything we do is romantic and well thought out. We were making plans to spend New Years Eve together and he purchased tickets to an exclusive party at an upscale casino.

 

What's bothering me is after our date yesterday, he invited me into his apartment so we could pick a venue and order the tickets for NYE. He saw that I was reluctant to come in and reassured me that everything was okay. When I got in he turns on Netflix and sits on the couch with his computer to research venues. I kept my coat on and sat at the table. He asked me to come over and asked me if he made me nervous, and I told him no, and he said I seemed really tense. So he pulls me closer and we made the purchase and started watching the movie. He became affectionate and we started making out, but it was about to get intense and I felt uncomfortable. I told him I needed to leave, grabbed my bag and headed for the door.

 

He ran behind me seeming quite emotional, his eyes were glazed over asking me to please wait. He said he feels like he's done something wrong and felt a bit crushed. Then he said he felt like I was running away from him and he really didn't want me to go. He said he was sorry for making me uncomfortable and didn't want to mess things up cause he would like to be long term with me. He said he wanted to be in a relationship with me and values me and wanted to be serious. I asked him how because we have only known each other for 5 days and he was still essentially a stranger. He said we aren't, so I asked him my full name. When he couldn't tell me I told him "exactly, its too soon".

 

We told each other our full names, then he pulls me back into his arms telling me he's really opening himself up to me and putting himself out there because he loves the connection we have. He said he'll be everything he knows I want and deserve, I'll be his princess (which he calls me all the time) and he can make this amazing. So he asks me to trust him and says he wouldn't ever hurt me, and hopes I wouldn't hurt him. He said for NYE if we decide to stay at his parent's place, they have a 3 bedroom house and we can sleep in separate rooms, and made a joke about the only thing we'd have to share is the bathroom. I told him I didn't appreciate being patronized. But he ended up reassuring me and walking me to my car and kissing me goodbye. I felt good afterword.

 

Today we texted and all was good until I told a guy friend about the incident. The guy friend said it sounded like he was pushing my boundaries and his intentions seem bad. He made me feel like the guy just wants to get laid on NYE and is just trying to butter me up. So it started to bother me and he texted me again, so I asked him if I could call him. He immediately responded "Can we talk in person at Starbucks?"

 

I don't know if I'm overreacting, please give your opinion. I'm about to shower and meet him to talk.

[gebaird]

Trust your instincts and stay safe. If you don't feel comfortable with the NYE plans, don't go. Move at a pace you're comfortable with and if he is looking for more than an easy lay, he will wait patiently for you. If not, you're better off without him.

[Wiseman2]

It seems he wanted netflix and chill but was ok with the foiled attempt. Some people move faster than others. Try not to panic, just get up and say "it's getting late" and leave, without all the drama.

 

Don't go to his place or his parents place after dating 5 days, no matter how much of this connection and princess treatment he is displaying, if you are uncomfortable.

[JaggerJim]

You over-reacted, and sitting there all tense with your coat on would make anyone (him) feel uncomfortable. Why did you do that?

 

He's done nothing wrong in my opinion.

[Birdie]

Too much too fast! I think you're well within your rights to ask him to slow things down, including backing off the expensive dates or meeting at personal houses.

[JaggerJim]

Too much too fast! I think you're well within your rights to ask him to slow things down, including backing off the expensive dates or meeting at personal houses.

 

Really? He invited her to his house to book tickets for New Years. So what, he chucked on Netflix and she fleed. I don't get it.

[SherrySher]

I don't think he did anything wrong apart from maybe moving things a bit too fast. I also think that you're possibly over reacting, you like him, right? He's not pressuring you to have sex.

I think you should try to be a bit more relaxed and he should slow down a tad.

[browser]

We told each other our full names, then he pulls me back into his arms telling me he's really opening himself up to me and putting himself out there because he loves the connection we have. He said he'll be everything he knows I want and deserve, I'll be his princess (which he calls me all the time) and he can make this amazing. So he asks me to trust him and says he wouldn't ever hurt me

 

This translates to: "It's been 3 dates and I've known you for 5 full days and I really want to screw your brains out, and I'm really trying to be patient times almost up, we're going to do it on New Years Eve and then you'll probably never see me again".

[JaggerJim]

This translates to: "It's been 3 dates and I've known you for 5 full days and I really want to screw your brains out, and I'm really trying to be patient times almost up, we're going to do it on New Years Eve and then you'll probably never see me again".

 

This guy is alot better at dating than alot of other men, woman complain about. At least he takes her on dates.

[katrina1980]

The way I see this is they've had FIVE dates and he's starting to escalate.

 

I don't see he did anything "wrong,", including rushing things.

 

I mean five dates he asked her over and started to escalate the physical (not necessary sex).

 

Nothing wrong with that imho, in fact if I dug the guy, was really attracted to him, I would have welcomed that! And probably more, cause that's what's happens when two people are attracted.

 

After 4-5 dates (often times LESS), the physical begins which may or may not lead to sex. If you don't want sex, then don't have it.

 

But I think it's wrong to jump to all these conclusions about him based on him attempting to escalate things, which men often encourage other men to do!

 

I guess it's the old damned if you do, damned if you don't.

[Birdie]

Really? He invited her to his house to book tickets for New Years. So what, he chucked on Netflix and she fleed. I don't get it.

 

I dunno, I guess personally it would freak me out. Not only the inviting over to someone's house who you barely know (like 5 days?), but the expensive gifts, the frequent dates and communication and then starting things at his place (movie, making out) all within a week seems too intense for me. Along with how invested he seems already...just one of those things that seems like if it starts this fast, it'll fizzle out just as fast.

 

It wouldn't seem ligitimate to me.

[katrina1980]

This translates to: "It's been 3 dates and I've known you for 5 full days and I really want to screw your brains out, and I'm really trying to be patient times almost up, we're going to do it on New Years Eve and then you'll probably never see me again".

 

Man that's pretty effin cynical.

 

I'm out.

 

Good luck OP.

[Birdie]

Really? He invited her to his house to book tickets for New Years. So what, he chucked on Netflix and she fleed. I don't get it.

 

The way I see this is they've had FIVE dates and he's starting to escalate.

 

I don't see he did anything "wrong,", including rushing things.

 

I mean five dates he asked her over and started to escalate the physical (not necessary sex).

 

Nothing wrong with that imho, in fact if I dug the guy, was really attracted to him, I would have welcomed that! And probably more, cause that's what's happens when two people are attracted.

 

After 4-5 dates (often times LESS), the physical begins which may or may not lead to sex. If you don't want sex, then don't have it.

 

But I think it's wrong to jump to all these conclusions about him based on him attempting to escalate things, which men often encourage other men to do!

 

I guess it's the old damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

They've only known each other for 5 days though? Sure 5 dates spread out over a few weeks...but 5 days and all this?! Sure sleep with him if she wants, I don't see any issues with that, but everything together is like red alarm bells....maybe I'm just that way though.

[j.man]

A little bit of Columns A and B. Was what he did "wrong?" No. But he certainly knew what he was doing. Buying tickets was about 5% of the plan with inviting you in. But I do think the whole clutching your jacket when you got in there, and then darting out when it got heavy was a bit dramatic. You can assert your boundaries and pace while still keeping cool.

 

It's the holidays. Everyone wants some romance. Thirst levels run high. Looks like the guy's gunning it to have his New Years shag, but who's to say whether he will or won't want to keep pursuing you afterwards.

[JaggerJim]

They've only known each other for 5 days though? Sure 5 dates spread out over a few weeks...but 5 days and all this?! Sure sleep with him if she wants, I don't see any issues with that, but everything together is like red alarm bells....maybe I'm just that way though.

 

Dates at each other's houses happen in 1 night! He invited her to his house AFTER he'd taken her on 3 dates. This is not suspect to me at all. He put on Netflix and was organizing tickets.

 

If the OP feels nervous because of that behaviour, she's in for a long hard shock with other dates.

[katrina1980]

They've only known each other for 5 days though? Sure 5 dates spread out over a few weeks...but 5 days and all this?! Sure sleep with him if she wants, I don't see any issues with that, but everything together is like red alarm bells....maybe I'm just that way though.

 

Maybe he's just really excited about her OR maybe he's love-bombing to get sex. You would NOT believe how strong my ex came on at first, it was pretty crazy actually.

 

We were together six years.

 

Regardless, it's wrong to assume much at this point.

 

OP, IF you like him, continue dating him, maintain your boundaries and gauge actions.

 

If you continue to feel uncomfortable, then dump him.

 

Not because he's a **** who YOU believe only wants sex, but because he makes you uncomfortable which translates to -- you are not compatible.

[Wiseman2]

Because Netflix goes with chill like peanut butter goes with jelly..lol But seriously, just a "getting late gotta go" would have sufficed if things were heading in a direction she wasn't into without making a scene and then needing to meet for coffee to talk etc., etc..

So what, he chucked on Netflix and she fleed. I don't get it.

[Birdie]

Interesting to see the different sides. Personally I would be concerned, but that's also me. I take things slow and would hate things getting to heavy so quick. Again it's more everything together that would get me than him inviting you to his place.

 

But to each their own!

[JaredTheGhost]

So, the second time my Husband and I hung out we ended up at his house, because I pressured him into showing me his guitar skills.

 

After hanging out all day and night, he came over to me and asked for a hug, which led to him saying this "I love you and I want you to be my girlfriend"

 

He had me move in that second and that is the fastest I have ever gotten close to anyone and I loved him before that day; didn't even occur to me.

 

My dating history fits on one hand, but that is beside the point.

 

People need to realize that if you don't feel something when your eyes meet, there will be no real connection; waste of time.

 

When you click, it's always fluent from the very first encounter and so on.

 

If you don't feel a surge of what feels like lightning all over when you kiss, you should probably leave it at that.

I didn't feel anything like that in my first relationship and that lasted 6 years, but love was not involved even from the beginning; not from me, anyways.

 

The speed of progression can be good or bad, but that depends on both people involved.

 

You could end up sabotaging a good thing over this guy being comfortable and attached so fast.

 

I think you are overreacting.

[katrina1980]

A little bit of Columns A and B. Was what he did "wrong?" No. But he certainly knew what he was doing. Buying tickets was about 5% of the plan with inviting you in. But I do think the whole clutching your jacket when you got in there, and then darting out when it got heavy was a bit dramatic. You can assert your boundaries and pace while still keeping cool.

 

It's the holidays. Everyone wants some romance. Thirst levels run high. Looks like the guy's gunning it to have his New Years shag, but who's to say whether he will or won't want to keep pursuing you afterwards.

 

Exactly.

 

ALL men want sex, ASAP. Some have the balls to go for want they want, and some men like to walk on eggshells so as to not "offend."

 

But if he's a healthy, red-blooded guy, and he's attracted to you, yeah he wants sex ASAP.

 

Like j.man said though, that doesn't mean that is ALL he wants.

 

If he's into you, he will also want to pursue RL with you and the fact you had sex on the third date, or sooner! won't mean a hill of beans to him.

 

JMO based on my own personal experiences, among other things.

[browser]

The way I see this is they've had FIVE dates and he's starting to escalate.

 

I don't see he did anything "wrong,", including rushing things.

 

I mean five dates he asked her over and started to escalate the physical (not necessary sex).

 

Nothing wrong with that imho, in fact if I dug the guy, was really attracted to him, I would have welcomed that! And probably more, cause that's what's happens when two people are attracted.

 

After 4-5 dates (often times LESS), the physical begins which may or may not lead to sex. If you don't want sex, then don't have it.

 

But I think it's wrong to jump to all these conclusions about him based on him attempting to escalate things, which men often encourage other men to do!

 

I guess it's the old damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

3 dates. Clearly stated in the OP.

[katrina1980]

3 dates. Clearly stated in the OP.

 

3 dates, 5 dates, like it makes a difference. LOL

 

But appreciate your calling me out on it nevertheless.

[Batya33]

"ALL men want sex, ASAP. Some have the balls to go for want they want, and some men like to walk on eggshells so as to not "offend."

 

Wanting is a feeling. How you act on that feeling is another thing. I don't think it takes "balls" to go for sex ASAP if the woman doesn't seem receptive or has expressed she wants to take things slowly.

 

Going for sex ASAP -actual sex -not just going for a kiss and being in tune with what you both want - can mean the person is self-absorbed/selfish/clueless -not ballsy. Going for sex ASAP when the woman is into it and expressing that in whatever way -that's not ballsy either -that's simply going along with what feels right or maybe in certain cases not wanting to rock the boat by saying it's too soon.

 

My husband didn't wait so as not to "offend" -he waited -and I waited - because we have similar values -we wanted to make sure we were committed and in love and in this for the long term before having sex (and also there's the issue of waiting long enough so that HIV tests are accurate etc if that's an issue) - And almost every other man I was seriously involved with wanted to wait for exactly those reasons. Wanting is great -building up desire, knowing it's going to be great, etc - acting on it -when, whether, how - depends on so many other things and distilling it to ballsy v. eggshells to me makes no sense and is kind of offensive to men. I also don't think "all" men want anything "ASAP" - some men do, some men want more than sex to feel committed and in love and secure or many other things.

 

This is not to say there's anything wrong with having sex as soon as you meet, or after 3 dates or 30.

 

OP - I think it takes two to tango - you accepted expensive gifts from him and expensive experiences. I get that you treated him too but he is trying to sell himself to you- wining and dining is all well and good -and fun! -but this seems like an insta-relationship/full speed ahead and that combined with the lavish spending makes me suspicious.

 

You just learned his name - how do you know his parents live where he's taking you? That they will be there the whole time? I'd hold off on that sort of thing with a near stranger.

[katrina1980]

"ALL men want sex, ASAP. Some have the balls to go for want they want, and some men like to walk on eggshells so as to not "offend."

 

Wanting is a feeling. How you act on that feeling is another thing. I don't think it takes "balls" to go for sex ASAP if the woman doesn't seem receptive or has expressed she wants to take things slowly.

 

Going for sex ASAP -actual sex -not just going for a kiss and being in tune with what you both want - can mean the person is self-absorbed/selfish/clueless -not ballsy. Going for sex ASAP when the woman is into it and expressing that in whatever way -that's not ballsy either -that's simply going along with what feels right or maybe in certain cases not wanting to rock the boat by saying it's too soon.

 

My husband didn't wait so as not to "offend" -he waited -and I waited - because we have similar values -we wanted to make sure we were committed and in love and in this for the long term before having sex (and also there's the issue of waiting long enough so that HIV tests are accurate etc if that's an issue) - And almost every other man I was seriously involved with wanted to wait for exactly those reasons. Wanting is great -building up desire, knowing it's going to be great, etc - acting on it -when, whether, how - depends on so many other things and distilling it to ballsy v. eggshells to me makes no sense and is kind of offensive to men. I also don't think "all" men want anything "ASAP" - some men do, some men want more than sex to feel committed and in love and secure or many other things.

 

This is not to say there's anything wrong with having sex as soon as you meet, or after 3 dates or 30.

 

OP - I think it takes two to tango - you accepted expensive gifts from him and expensive experiences. I get that you treated him too but he is trying to sell himself to you- wining and dining is all well and good -and fun! -but this seems like an insta-relationship/full speed ahead and that combined with the lavish spending makes me suspicious.

 

You just learned his name - how do you know his parents live where he's taking you? That they will be there the whole time? I'd hold off on that sort of thing with a near stranger.

 

I agree with you, and of course if a woman is showing resistance to his advances, then he should back off.

 

I only meant that a confident man (which is what I meant by having "balls") will attempt to "escalate" and as I said this does NOT necessarily mean sex (I thought I said that in previous post).

 

It means escalate the physical (i.e. touching, kissing, etc.) which is what OP's guy did from the way I read it.

 

Again if she resists, then he backs off. Which he also did, although he still wanted her to stay which is fine and means he likes her and enjoys spending time with her WITHOUT anything physical happening.

 

I would think most women would appreciate that and see this as a plus (I sure would) not interpret it to mean he's some sort of "player" only out for sex after which he dumps her.

 

Hope that clarifies.

[SooSad33]

He ran behind me seeming quite emotional, his eyes were glazed over asking me to please wait. He said he feels like he's done something wrong and felt a bit crushed. Then he said he felt like I was running away from him and he really didn't want me to go. He said he was sorry for making me uncomfortable and didn't want to mess things up cause he would like to be long term with me. He said he wanted to be in a relationship with me and values me and wanted to be serious. I asked him how because we have only known each other for 5 days and he was still essentially a stranger.

 

-yeah... imo.. way too much-- too soon! Whoaa... slow EVERYTHING down, eh!

 

Big gifts.. Big meals.. all of it!

 

I totally agree with you on the fact.. you dont even know each other.. to know IF even you are in the slight bit 'compatible'... still, NO idea!

 

HE is living in a 'fantasy world' and I feel, is showing signs (red flags) on BIG expectations and Neediness.

Not good.

 

As for him to say 'trust me'?... and that he 'hopes you wouldn't hurt him'? Huh?? ---- where the heck is all this coming from?

 

Slow down everything.... should be no expectations.. no assumptions.. nothing.. when you've only just met each other.

 

How about 'occasional dates' for a month? Get to know each other.

 

if you go thru with this and he does just want someone for NY's.. you'll know soon enough.