How do I become the bigger person..?

[Jackiegirl0997]

So my boyfriend is in the process of purchasing a home and has asked me to move in with him eventually. We met through a couple we were mutual friends with. He has been friends with them for 10+ years on and off, but me only about a year before we had a falling out. Now, the couple doesn't allow me in their home or to any functions and were very disrespectful to me in the midst of the falling out. However, the woman has since made inappropriate gesutures to him like showing up at his job when he had to work holidays to bring him food and weird things of that sort and from being friends with her, I know how invasive and vindictive she can be just to get a rise out of someone. I obviously didn't like that but tried to let it go, but now that he's buying his own house, he's told me she has made comments about how "they all will be hanging out at his new home, not just her husband"

 

I understand they're friends but if I'm living there I feel it's disrespectful to me to have her over. If I'm not allowed over her house, why should she be allowed where I live? My boyfriend isn't even that fond of her, and she didn't like him that much either but tolerated him because her husband had been friends with him for so long. But now because she knows we are on the outs, she goes out of her way to make nice with him. They're all in the mid 30's and I'm trying to be the bigger person and act like an adult which she was lacking, but is it too much to ask him to tell her until there's a common ground established between the two of us her coming to visit will have to wait? I feel that my wishes and feelings come first and she has to know her place and not try to pop up or anything like that.

 

Or should I bite the bullet and say I don't care if she's there? I'm trying to not have such a hostile reaction this but I highly dislike this person and even though my boyfriend wants to keep peace and avoid any drama I still feel like he should back me on it. i don't know if I should be the bigger person and contact her and say I want there to be some sort of reconciliation for the sake of my relationship? Down the road we plan to have kids, is she not going to come see his child because I'm the mother? I really don't know What to do.

[gebaird]

If she won't let you come to her house, don't let her come to yours. However, it isn't really your house until you are actually living there. I'd talk with your boyfriend and let him know this is how it's going to be unless she begins to treat you better. This isn't a case of being the bigger person -- you need good boundaries to protect yourself from this toxic person.

[Jackiegirl0997]

Thank you!

[Wiseman2]

It would be best not to move into his house. He can invite whatever friends he wants since it' his house. Stay in your own place that way you won't have to be present when he invites people you don't like or get along with.

 

You can't tell him who to be friends with or who to hate because you had a falling out. If you want enemies, that's up to you but why does he have to play by your rules if it involves hating and snubbing?

 

You must stop kidding yourself and realize this problem is between you and your bf and not about her. You need to stop all the hating and obsessing, it's ugly and your bf and they don't want any part of it.

 

They are all fine and friendly and happy. You are eating yourself alive with hate, envy, resentment and anger. Why? It's only causing problems for you if you take a good look around.

So my boyfriend is in the process of purchasing a home. he's buying his own house, he's told me she has made comments about how "they all will be hanging out at his new home, not just her husband"is it too much to ask him to tell her until there's a common ground established between the two of us her coming to visit will have to wait?

[j.man]

What was the falling out over, anyhow?

[Ms Darcy]

Don't move into his house. If she's not an ex, there's no issue with him having her over. His house, his rules.

 

If you buy a house together, then you get a say.