Why is he ignoring our two sons....help

[majesticdragon]

I am HEALING AFTER OUR BREAK UP!! But I dont understand why he is ignoring our sons!!!!

My sons are 21 and 26 so their not babies but they got no acknowledgement from their father on Xmas day

and he didnt acknowledge my 21 yr old on his birthday either. We had a difficult break up the boys are living with me

they love their dad very much,they havent said much about him but Im really annoyed for them.

Their father and I broke up after 28yrs and then I found out after he was having an affair and he is now living with that woman.

I was heart broken as we had been together since our early teens we also had our oldest when I was just 15 so we have been through

alot together.I previously posted a thread on here months ago about our break up but now Im hoping for some insight maybe from some of you

out there who may have been through this before,I cant understand why hes doing this to them cos I know he loves them deeply too and they were

all really close before we split.

We have been split now for 5months we still live in the same town and the boys have only seen their father twice,they both have no interest in going around

to where he now lives as they are still angry with what he has done,but I would of thought he would still keep contact,he has their numbers,they have his too

but they are waiting for him to make contact as they know he owes them an explanation for what hes done.They havent met the new gf and dont intend too either as they have seen what I have been through emotionally after finding out he was in a affair and then shifted in with her.

I think that he is possibly ashamed of himself and he cant face them.

Ive had no contact with him at all and I think he possibly regrets his decision with her too.

I had a reading recently with a phychic/medium and she could tell that my ex was not happy in his relationship and that he is regretting his desicion.

Which was like Karma has caught up with him I thought after I stopped laughing.

So any thoughts would be appreciated.

I thought about going around to his house and ripping his head off and beating the crap out of her but Im not ready to face them yet because I know I will be a phycchotic nut and I wont stop.

.

[Clio]

Very sorry this happened to you. I think that you are right that he is probably ashamed and can't face them right now. He may also be angry at them for taking your side (even though what he did to you was wrong). I think that you should stay out of this and let time heal things for them. He is still their father and he was there for them while they were growing up. The situation between you and him is awful but given that you want what's best for your children, you should try to keep them out of it and seek support from other sources. If you haven't, it might be a good idea to seek help from a professional therapist/licenced psychologist who has experience with cases like yours. They could help you process what is happening and provide you with insight on how to deal with the issues arising from the break down of your marriage, such as this. Psychics may provide you with some short term relief but at the end of the day you need a professional therapist specialized in helping people undergoing separation and divorce to get back on their feet. Good luck!

[Billie28]

Your sons are grown men. It's likely they are not contacting your ex out of a sense of loyalty to you who they see as the victim.

If you really want them to maintain a relationship with their father then give them your blessing to do so.

[Seraphim]

He hasn't contacted his own kids because he is a jerk.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it's up to them now to decide what type of relationship to have with their father. They have phones and cars, right?

 

Try not to make matters worse by blending in your projected feelings onto them about your anger, disappointment etc. Don't fuel this fire to poison them further against their own father.

 

Be neutral. Don't push, pull, insinuate or discuss all this on your terms when you want. Leave the boys alone and say respectful things about their father, half of who they are is their father. When you degrade their father, you degrade them.

 

Keep in mind you divorced him, they didn't. Don't make it their job to deal with your issues. They didn't want the divorce, you did.

My sons are 21 and 26 so their not babies but they got no acknowledgement from their father on Xmas daywe still live in the same town and the boys have only seen their father twice,they both have no interest in going around

to where he now lives as they are still angry with what he has done.