Confused and need to let go

[Needtoletgo]

Im feeling like I am an awful gf. My bf and I have been together for 5 years now, I love him and really want to spend the rest of my life with him. The problem is that I keep getting mix up with my ex when I visit my hometown. I always try avoiding him when I'm visiting back home, however, this time we had sex and I regret it, I feel bad about it. I want to completely move on from my ex and stop letting my past affect my future. My ex was my first in everything before my current bf and that's why it's so hard to completely put my past behind. But I really really want to, I really want to, don't know why it's so hard. I know I don't want to be back with my ex. My bf had cheated on me in the past and since then, I Feel I have gotten a bit insecure and uncertain about things after but we have worked past that and he has been faithful since. I just want to be happy with my bf..no exes included.

[MissCanuck]

You can avoid your ex if you want. You just don't want to, not completely.

 

The fact that you have cheated on your boyfriend indicates there are serious problems, and you should not be with him. If you've been unable to avoid your ex after 5 years with your current boyfriend, then I hate to break it you, but you are with the wrong man. You might not want to be with your ex, but it's pretty clear that you also don't want to fully commit to your boyfriend either.

 

Let your boyfriend go. It's not working.

[Capricorn3]

You can avoid your ex if you want. You just don't want to, not completely.

 

The fact that you have cheated on your boyfriend indicates there are serious problems, and you should not be with him. If you've been unable to avoid your ex after 5 years with your current boyfriend, then I hate to break it you, but you are with the wrong man. You might not want to be with your ex, but it's pretty clear that you also don't want to fully commit to your boyfriend either.

 

Let your boyfriend go. It's not working.

 

I totally agree with all of the above post.

 

Needtoletgo - The problem is that I keep getting mix up with my ex when I visit my hometown. I always try avoiding him when I'm visiting back home, however, this time we had sex

The very fact that you admit you "keep getting mixed up with my ex when I visit my hometown" certainly shows you don't try to avoid him at all (imo). If you really really didn't want to "keep getting mixed up with him", then you wouldn't. You want to see him and you do. That's all there is to it (imo).

 

Time to let your current boyfriend go - you can't have your cake and eat it too. It doesn't work that way. Time for some self-reflection.

[meoww]

Where is this relationship heading? Marriage? Kids? Really, do you really want to pass this dysfunctional behavior to future generations, or to lie to your future children, family members, or even friends about the kind of relationship history you have? I'm guessing your loved ones would want something so much better for you and they would be absolutely correct. Dare to dream of something so much better.

 

You don't have to settle.

[PICCOLLO]

Sounds like a mess. You've both cheated on each other already. Might be time to move on.

 

As for your ex, if you wanted to avoid him, you would. Hometown or not, you just tell him you're moving on, cut contact and stick to it.

[rosecolored108]

Agree with the other posters. You could absolutely avoid your ex, if you wanted to. Obviously, there are feelings there; feelings you have not completely gotten over (after 5 years?!).

 

If you truly wanted to make it work with your current guy, you would not meet up with your ex for sex etc.

 

It sounds like you may care for your current boyfriend, and 5 years is a long time, but you may not love him. If you did, you would not have cheated...multiple times.

 

Also, he has cheated on you. Things are not going to get easier as the years go on, most likely.

 

It sounds harsh, but you may want to reassess this relationship. There is already dysfunctional behavior, and if you are thinking about marriage and kids, things will only get more complicated.

 

People often fear being alone...so...they stay in relationships. However, it is not going to be a totally fulfilling relationship, in this case, since you obviously aren't completely satisfied.

[lostandhurt]

You had sex with your ex because you wanted to and thought your bf would never find out. Pretty simple.

 

Unless your hometown has a population of 50 people you could easily avoid him. Does he come to your parents house and drag you out into his car?

 

You are a cheater and just making excuses for cheating on your bf.

 

If you truly loved your bf you wouldn't let some other guy have sex with you. I suggest you break up with your bf so he can find someone that has more self control and knows what real love is. Then you can sleep with your ex all you want without regrets.

 

Lost

[Wiseman2]

Was it revenge sex?

I'm visiting back home, however, this time we had sex. My bf had cheated on me in the past and since then.

[browser]

Two cheaters. One who has no self restraint and the other who may have done it "to get even".

 

Yeah this one will work out.