So confused about my sexuality, please help! Longish

[roadrage7500]

I'm a 27 year old male, who is confused about my sexuality. Advice/help would be appreciated

 

Firstly, I've never been a relationship before, I've never even kissed a guy or girl before, so I'm very new at all this.

 

Recently, I've been considering more and more the possibility that I might be gay/bi (it's crossed my mind over the years, but I've really been thinking about it over the past 3 months or so. When I think about it and am honest with myself, I know deep down that even back in primary school there were some guys that I found cute and wanted to hang around with all the time, but I was too young at that stage to think too much about it, and it was an all boys school so I really didn't know any girls.

 

Highschool was horrible - didn't like many people there, but then university came. During university I've been on dates with a number of girls but no guys. But I've never felt any strong sexual/physical attraction with a girl I've 'liked'.

 

Let me give you an example, of the girl who I thought I was desperately in love with about 5 years ago. She was one of the nicest girls ever. We did lots of things alone together, I really enjoyed her company. She was a huge committophobe, I tried twice to ask her to be my girlfriend and twice she said just couldn't be in a relationship. After the second time, I realised it was time to move on, but 3 weeks later she told me she really liked me (which I was already pretty sure of) and that she actually wanted to be in a relationship with me. At that point I felt sick to the stomach -- not a nervous feeling of happinesss or excitement, but sick as in "crap, what have I done. I can't do this." The thought of making out with her/having sex with her just felt so wrong to me. The good thing was we both decided that the relationship was not a good idea, but still, why did I have those feelings? I mean I get nervousness, but sickness to the stomach, surely that's not right. I mean the moments before she uttered those words I was even thinking of trying to ask her to be my girlfriend one last time.

 

I've met and gone out with a few girls since then, but I've never really felt physically attracted to them. (Cute, pretty, beautiful sure, but no physical/sexual attraction). Guy friends point out girls, saying how hot they are, but I just don't see it - pretty sure but 'hot', no. Both gay porn and girl/guy porn work for me, but lesbian porn isn't enjoyable

 

On the one hand I know deep down that if I go to the beach for example, definitely I would find a much larger proportion of guys physically/sexually attractive that girls, but on the other hand I feel like I emotionally bond better with girls --- however that may be because I have never really tried to emotionally bond with a guy

 

I've been talking to a guy on tinder, and ultimately I think I would like to meet him. He seems really nice, smart and cute. If we do end up meeting, it probably won't be for a least another couple of weeks. Do you guys think there's anything wrong with that?

[Almira23]

No, there isn't anything wrong with what you are doing. I was going to suggest going on a dating website and meeting a man before I read your last few paragraphs. The best way to figure out your sexuality is to meet up with a man and see if you feel that physical/sexual attraction that you have not been able to experience with other women.

 

Good luck! Hope it helps out with your confusion

[lukeb]

The idea that a guy could be confused about his sexuality is definitely a foreign concept for me because even from an early age it was always so crystal clear to me. So I am not sure if I can be of any help or anyone for that matter. Seems to me that people nowadays are so self obsessed with identity and self exploration that they lose the bigger picture in life, but that's just me. Sure might not be a bad idea to meet this guy, consider taking sex completely off the table and have a nice face to face rather than endless chatting online.