Overcoming Insecurity and Self-conciousness

[BrookeHx]

I'm 9 months into an amazing relationship. The only issue that seems to rear its head is my insecurities over my appearance.

 

My boyfriend always says how he likes me without make up as and when we're lazing around in our chill out clothes, he still finds me attractive. He doesn't seem to have an issue if I look a mess but I do. I feel self concious if I haven't done my make up or hair nicely.

 

We go to the gym together and obviously I don't wear make up to bed. I'm comfortable around him and I can be myself with most aspects of my life apart from this. I'm the same at work and with friends/family.

 

People comment that I'm attractive and I know I'm not awful looking but I just never feel completely comfortable unless I've made an effort.

 

He came over the other night to surprise me and I was lazing in a hoodie with barely any make up on and my hair tied up. He never once said anything about how I looked but I felt bothered by it.

 

I seem to have this silly idea that I need to look stunning all of the time to keep him interested, yet he's not the one with the problem. Any ideas how i can overcome this?

[gebaird]

I dated a girl who had similar issues. When I told her she was beautiful without makeup and fancy clothes, she didn't believe me. She had a warped view of herself, and I couldn't figure out how to get past her walls. It really got in the way of real and authentic connection.

 

It's okay to want to look nice -- who doesn't? But when looking nice and self-worth become intertwined, that's when things can get confusing. Real love is a union of souls, not just bodies; it's more than skin deep. When he tells you he likes you without makeup, do him the favor of believing him.

[BrookeHx]

Thank you for your honest answer. I don't want it to ruin our relationship so I definitely need to work on my confidence.

[Wiseman2]

So? Just be fresh and clean and all is well. You can do that without spending hours getting all dolled up, right?

 

Make sure you are not constantly seeking reassurances in a mirror mirror on the wall fashion, because that gets real old real fast. In mature relationships people see each other as they really are, right?

 

Focus on reducing vanity and improving deeper aspects of the relationship. Insecurity and vanity will kill relationships, not the lack of makeup.

My boyfriend always says how he likes me without make up as and when we're lazing around in our chill out clothes, he still finds me attractive. He doesn't seem to have an issue if I look a mess but I do. I feel self concious if I haven't done my make up or hair nicely.

[rosephase]

I have a close friend who described herself as "addicted to make-up". She didn't like anyone seeing her without it and it ended up causing a lot of pain and stress in her life. She took it head on and decided to not wear make-up for three months. It really changed her perspective.