My supposed "best friend" (22 M) is ignoring me (21 f)? please help

[nurse21]

So this is in relation to my last post. I clearly made a fool of myself by telling him how I felt because he hasn't spoken to me in over a week. He used to text me at least 3 times a week and snap chat almost every day. We saw each other three times the week before. Then, once I told him that I had feelings for him and did not want the whole friends with benefit thing after we kissed, he went silent. Yes, he made me breakfast in the morning, and yes he told me to text him when I got home safely. However, once he said "good news! thanks for coming never texted him back because it did not seem like a text that needed replying.

 

he hasn't texted me since. He did not even wish me merry christmas, which is pretty crappy considering he told me I'm one of his best friends. HE is the one that invited me over to decorate a tree, he's the one that stays on the phone with me and we talk for hours. He told me I remind him of songs. He tells me how cute and sweet and kind I am, and mentions that he is attracted to me. Like what on earth did he expect!?!?

 

I feel so sad and hurt. He made it seem like he was interested in me, and as if putting myself out there and telling him how I felt wasn't hard enough, now he's ignoring me. I'm not an idiot, clearly he has no feelings for me. But he doesn't even have the balls to tell me that. Instead, he just ignores one of his "best friends".

 

Should I feel super embarrassed? Like I honestly feel like dying instead I feel like he thinks I'm a freak. Also, is he just never going to talk to me again? We're in the same nursing program so it's like um hello you're still going to have to see me back in January?! I just feel like I made a fool of myself...but at the same time, he should feel like the fool. Those things he did with me me are not things you do with solely a friend. You don't invite friends to decorate trees alone with just you two or tell them you remind them of songs or invite them to a party an hour away at an old friends house if you don't have the slightest bit of interest in them.

 

I guess I just need some advice on how to handle this all because I am feeling so sad, embarrassed and like a loser.

[Rick0578]

First off you are definitely not a loser. And I can tell you that you are not alone because I was also a best friend and included in many close things that you would not normally do with a friend. Eventually my friendship turned into a sexual one where she would say remember we are just friends. I went along with this for eight months. At that point she said she wanted to date me in three and a half years later I discover that she is still just as uncertain as she was then. Save yourself some serious Agony and avoid anyone who is not serious with you or serious with themselves. I cannot say this strongly enough. If this guy is like my girlfriend he likes attention and he is insecure and he also wants closeness but he is not willing to commit. Do not be embarrassed and you are not a fool it is just that you are not the same as him.

 

It is a shame that your love got wasted on someone like that...but it is not your fault at all.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Sounds like he wanted fwb, not friends and when you wanted more he backed away. just ignore him go no contact and block him.

 

At school, just do your own thing and go your own way. Nobody's a loser because misunderstandings like thing happen all the time.

once I told him that I had feelings for him and did not want the whole friends with benefit thing after we kissed, he went silent.He tells me how cute and sweet and kind I am, and mentions that he is attracted to me. We're in the same nursing program so it's like um hello you're still going to have to see me back in January?

[JaggerJim]

Sorry to hear he's not interested. I think he was just looking for a hook-up but you had "the talk" and it freaked him out.

[ParisPaulette]

You aren't a loser. He simply lost interest once he knew you were on to him and he wasn't going to be able to manipulate you into giving him sex with no commitment. I remember your earlier post and this guy wasn't really a friend. He was angling for a booty call, but kept up with the whole "you're one of my best friends" speeches to get you to drop your guard.

 

But here's the thing, a true friend who really valued your friendship OR who wanted something real with you would never have acted the way he did and they wouldn't be acting the way they are now. IF he had really cared at all and been a true friend he'd have apologized to you, been upfront with his feelings, and told you that you both need to step back and let things die down. instead he tried to guilt trip you and is now giving you the cold shoulder. Quite possibly in the hopes you'll run to him all contrite and give him what he wants anyways and please do not do that. Just realize manipulative people don't like getting called out on their ship and they either pull the whole guilt routine "oh, I was such a good friend to you" (no he wasn't he was angling for a booty call) OR they disappear.

 

As much as it hurts this hurt will fade a whole lot faster than if you had slept with him and then had him pull the disappearing act or worse, happily keep helping himself while talking to you about other women and seeing them too. So you just saved yourself an enormous amount of heartache even though it doesn't feel like it right now.

 

You should be proud you stood up for yourself and called him out on his bad behavior. Never feel bad for that. A true loser would have played doormat and let him have sex and whatever else he wanted without ever standing up for herself or asking for what she wants. Remember that. You aren't a loser, but yes sometimes it hurts to stand up and tell someone else to treat you right. And then they leave.

 

And you saved yourself an enormous amount of wasted time and heartache on someone who only wanted sex from you. This leaves the road clear, when you've healed, for someone who wants all of you and wants the same things you do. Block and delete him, go hang out with other friends who just want to hang out, and have a happy life. You deserve it, not someone like him. When you see him in January ignore him, because really what's left to say?

 

P.S. I know you think the few things he did showed he had an interest in you, but you need to realize those are very minimal things he did and his actions for each of those things of trying to make out with you, after he had already told you he didn't want a relationship with you and had talked to you about other women he was interested in instead were a clear sign he only saw you as a booty call. So you need to up your standards. If a guy is interested in you he will ask you out on dates, he won't talk to you about other women, and he won't tell you that he has no interest in you then try to sleep with you. That right there was the red flag you overlooked.