90 Days No Contact - Powering Time To Take Its Course

[luisannalui]

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Second relationship break up story >

 

This past weekend was the last time I contacted her to send her a screenshot where she told a mutual friend that "she was not into me, there's so many girls that wants to be with her and whenever I fought she will go to them" Hence, the reasons why we frequently fight was because she would lie or hide things from me- she will use this to go to clubs and get home late and drunk. She did a great job by making me feel guilty of ending the relationship as she didn't have the gut to tell me the real reason. Although I saw all of the signs I just wanted to save what was broken.

 

As of today, her bank account is overdraft with several fees, I won't give her more money. Her son tuition is also late and a fee was applied and I disconnected her line service.

 

You guys have help me a lot to go through this and someone told me something that being in my mind "Do you really think that she seats wondering what you would think of what she doing"

 

 

I will take into consideration going back to counseling. I allowed so many things from her that people may say "why you didn't see all of the signs before" and although it hurts like hell, its a learned experience. Is time to focus on me.

 

 

 

I decided that I won't be her doormat anymore. Is time to move on.

 

Day #1

[luisannalui]

"You Go On. You just go on. There's nothing more to it, and there's no trick to make it easier. You just go on". - And what do you find on the other side? When you go on? - "Your life again". What else? Is that a promise? - "It's an inevitability. No trick. No choice. You just go on".

[luisannalui]

I never expected this month to be so hard on me. We reconciled and I did my best effort to demonstrate her my change; I did things I never did before as cooking for her, doing her laundry, did her homework- and did the thing I also used to do as taking care of her son, managed the money, woke her up in the morning, pushed her to do better in school and to go to work. In the end, she didn't see any of these but did a great job of making me feel guilty for the things she did. Everything was fine with us, until I opened my mouth to show her my discomfort. She asked me to change the things that affected our relationship and I did. But she didn't do the things I asked her and I have to be okay with it for us to be fine. At times, I would get mad because she lied or hide things from me- Instead of apologizing and improving she would get mad and go out and get home late drunk. And than,the following day, I was there to take care of her staying shut and trying to make her happy. I found things related to other woman, I found that she was hiding to me that she still talked with an ex and another friend of her ( I didn't mind she talk to them but hide and lie to me) When she ended the relationship she blame me for not changing for being controlling possessive. Oh I felt so guilty! Still today she makes me doubt of myself. I know I changed that, but she did a great job by making me feel guilty of her wrongdoings. This whole month I begged and asked for another chance. Still, she used these little thing to make me feel guilty. However, she needed money and I gave it to her- Later, I would learn she will keep badmouthing about me with others.

 

I later learned that she told a mutual friend that the last weekend she came home drunk that she was not into a relationship that she have so many women chasing her and whenever I fought she will go to them. For me, that was the end of using me. I disconnected her line and still she asked me to put it back as she use it to work and to stop being a selfish person I did put the line back stupid me! Later, I told her that I noticed that her account was overdraft and that she needed to pay her son's tuition- than I asked her why she was badmouthing about me and just because I got the person's name wrong she used that to say "That's X's brother and I have too much problem" I asked her what was wrong and she said none of your business I said well I care and she just said I don't care if you care.

 

The following day I sent her this big message telling her how I felt and that Im not a selfish person as I helped her a lot and shes with the people that treat her bad and I treat her good and she wants me away. Just because I used a word that my friend uses she said "You don't even have a personality of your own using others ppl words, leave me alone" I was like thats the end of it. I told her that I was going to disconnect her line which I did and than she asked me to put it back that she need it to work and that Im selfish -I told her " Yes I'm selfish because for once in my life I'm respecting myself with you. You only talk good to me when you want something- I want peace and love myself and the only way I can get this is by taking you out of my life- you had a month to get your own line and you used that money with you women, as you told me yesterday that's your problem not mine" Than I blocked her and she got her line and posted the phone on Instagram etc.

 

 

I better understand now that she just not a person to be in a relationship with. She don't take "stability" good, that just bored her. When I met her she had her job for 2 yrs and she was upset with it and she wanted to leave. Than she left, she started the whole process with taxi and than she got into this depression and I had to push her to go to work. Same with college, I helped her to start college did Home Work for her and still she got bored that she didn't understand class as well saying that she could use that time to work and still she didn't go to work she just stay there at home or going out. Same in a relationship, I have to accept to go out almost every weekend because she wanted to go out if not she would say that I was controlling etc. Thats why one time we got behind with rent and that was when she left our apartment.

 

I know she think that I was mad because she left me. I'm not mad, I just need her out of my life. I was hurt because she didn't tell me in my face that she wanted to explore with other women- she blame me for the things she caused. When she ended the relationship , she told me that she will be with a better woman than I am, as I wasn't enough, that she don't love me and she didn't even like me physically- I still sent her money I still leave the line open for a whole month - But she was just bad mouthing about me with everyone saying I didn't change and talking bad to me. I couldn't take her presence in my life anymore. I really want to move on, focus on me, do me. Its really hard- especially on this season but I know I deserve better I owe that to myself.

 

Today is the first day of no contact and I'm just hanging there.

[rosecolored108]

Good luck with no contact. Stay strong. This sounds like a very toxic situation.

[luisannalui]

The last time I contacted her was the first of this month to tell her that I needed the phone to close the line. I just decided to not bother with it anymore. My intention wasn't to take the phone from her as it was a gift but she kept badmouthing about me and humiliating me that I have to put an STOP and disconnected her line- she went to buy a new phone so she don't need this one anymore. Hence, is the third phone I'm still paying for her- 1) she broke it 2) she left our apartment 3) this one. But it is what it is, I just want to move on and forget about her.

 

I've been stalking her on social media, this weekend I got sick so I didn't do that much on new year eve. I would wake up and check her profile until I decided to stop this bad habit that was only killing me slowly. I told my best friend to not talk to me about her anymore as I need to move on. But today having a conversation about a mutual friend that told her that my ex posted her new apartment pictures. I couldn't control it and login to her account (She still haven't change password) and saw the picture of the apartment. I'm happy that finally shes giving a place to her son. But at the same time I feel so bad as after I helped her financially to get a job , living at my apartment and paying no rent, taking care of her son- she moved on to the apartment and took me out of the plans, she just badmouthing about me saying I took her money when she knows I didn't and telling people and even me the last time we spoke that it bothers me that shes moving alone without my help. The lord! When I was the only one there supporting her! When does ppl she knows prefer close to her are the one that never helped her!

 

Now she got an apartment on her own and I'm here with all my debts that I put aside to help her. Paying the storage all by myself when she never gave me a dime and still living at my mother house at 28 years of age because finally I decided that I need to put myself first.

She does a great job making me feel guilty. I just want this to be over. I decided to stop calling son's nany as shes going to take care of him again and I don't want my ex to think I'm calling to know about her and honestly it won't do me any good.

 

She's happy shes moving on while I'm suffering. I need to def stop stalking her on social media. That whenever I want to stalk to remember all of the bad things she put me through. At least Im not doing this stalking as before but still doing it and this need to stop. I want to heal, I want to move on.

[luisannalui]

Oh my lord! Its hard. really hard. I'm so tempted to go into her profile see what stupid thing she posted. This morning was the last time, she posted a picture smoking hookah ( my hookah that she didn't want to give back) the other day she posted a picture with one of my shirt (that I put on her box that she had in the storage, also didn't give back) I've been stopping slowly but still hurting and I know I need to stop that addiction. I want to really focus on me, by summer I need to be a different person - I have so much things to work on

[boltnrun]

Didn't she contact you asking you how to log into Uber or something? How is she able to contact you?