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MustLuvMusic2

By MustLuvMusic2
in Dating Advice

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MustLuvMusic2 Newbie

MustLuvMusic2

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Posted

Met new guy in June. We seemed to hit it off. Seemed like he was genuinely into me. Wined, dined, complimented, supported my endeavors. We enjoyed getting to know each other (*I* did). Such a refreshing change from the BS men I attract. I'm a novice dater. Only child, strict/ overprotective parents, wasn't allowed to date, hang out, became oblivious to men until college. Met an older grad student who put me through pure hell(cheating, verbal/emotional abuse). College guy is my only serious relationship. I was engaged once. He cheated. Met a few creeps, like: an ex-Marine who kicked me out of his car bc he felt I wasn't completely dressed & ready to go. All I had to do was buckle my sandal straps! "Me, myself & I" became my new mantra. Then I met new guy.

New guy's attn dwindled. Daily contact became every other day, weekly, then intermittent. His replies to my contact became delayed. His calls/texts to me, would be late @night. He'd ask what I've done all day then tell me about all the cool things he's done w/his kids, fam &/or friends. So, I asked why it seemed he no longer wanted to spend time w/me. After filibuster, he finally told me that spending time, dating, getting to know, etc. = commitment in his eyes. He said he's not where he wants to be financially, career wise & w/co-parenting. Then said: he's not sure if I'm the one, I have most of what he seeks in a wife, has feelings for me & not dating/talking to any other women. Time progressed. He'd intermittently contact. I'd get delayed response to my contacting him. With his contact, he'd ask how I've been spending my time(sure hadn't been w/him). My best friend's advice was to be evasive & vague w/my answers (as he is w/me). I felt like that was playing games. Time progressed. I had a death in my fam. He met the fam member, so I told him. He was very supportive. Then NC. When he finally contacted, I was very sick (flu). He was full of advice. Baby this. I used some of my bf suggested words as well as my own. He word fumbled then said he's not interested in a relationship w/anyone not just me, he can't give me what I deserve, has feelings for me & would be a fool to have me out of his life but it's unfair to ask me to wait on him, AND...if it was the opposite, he wouldn't wait on me (that crushed me). AND...he's on a dating site! Said he thx women for their msg's & tells them he's talking 2someone rt now. I said "so friends it is". He said "NO! we're more than that" Said when he's around me, he will not act like "just friends". He'd repeat "I was introduced to women b4 u, & after u". After me? Then, after crushing my spirit, asked was I going to call him. NC. He texted on Thanksgiving & will text/call sporadically.

The latest is that he's taken on a 2nd job. Which has monopolized even more of his time. He told why he got the 2nd job. "My name, us, we" he never uttered. I now get the occasional "thinking about u", "hey" "wyd?" texts. 😞

NC on Christmas, so I texted (didn't want him to hear the hurt in my voice). He replied fairly quickly, then called but I couldn't answer. I called bk, no answ. I texted. No reply. Last week, I asked him to attend an event w/me. Said he'd let me know. The event is today. I contacted last night. No response. Played...yet again.

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted

Sorry to hear this . It sounds like things went way too fast talking about "the one and wife material" after a few mos of dating. Unfortunately it seems he kept saying all along he doesn't want a relationship, commitment or exclusive dating.

 

"he can't give me what I deserve" seems like you were asking about commitment, marriage etc. and he backed down. best to go no contact permanently and delete and block him from all social media and messaging.

 

Next time make sure you are on the same page. Not one is on dating sites and the other is talking marriage and wife and the one etc. Make sure you are not introducing these pressured subjected before you even know someone. Also texting is not dating or a relationship so stop doing that to excess.

 

Text response times and nonsense texts are meaningless cheat filler. he could be on dates texting you from the toilet. If you are not seeing each other regularly as planned, then cut loose rather than accept texting as dating or a relationship.

Met new guy in June.He said he's not where he wants to be financially, career wise & w/co-parenting. AND...he's on a dating site!
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MustLuvMusic2 Newbie

MustLuvMusic2

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  • Author
Posted
Sorry to hear this . It sounds like things went way too fast talking about "the one and wife material" after a few mos of dating. Unfortunately it seems he kept saying all along he doesn't want a relationship, commitment or exclusive dating.

 

"he can't give me what I deserve" seems like you were asking about commitment, marriage etc. and he backed down. best to go no contact permanently and delete and block him from all social media and messaging.

 

Next time make sure you are on the same page. Not one is on dating sites and the other is talking marriage and wife and the one etc. Make sure you are not introducing these pressured subjected before you even know someone. Also texting is not dating or a relationship so stop doing that to excess.

 

Text response times and nonsense texts are meaningless cheat filler. he could be on dates texting you from the toilet. If you are not seeing each other regularly as planned, then cut loose rather than accept texting as dating or a relationship.

Thx Wiseman2. Understand: HE mentioned marriage, that I had what he seeks in a wife, commitment, the one, etc. When our time together started to dissipate & HE would contact me after a while to tell me how he's spending time with others & how much fun he's having...I asked about he & I spending time. That's when HE brought up spending time = commitment to him, he's not sure if I'm the one, he's not where he wants to be in his endeavors, he's on a dating site but turns em down sayn he's talking to me, etc. I even interrupted him & said "hold it, I said spend time, not commitment". He was all "yeah, I know I know" Then, after crushing my spirit, said he'd be a fool to have me out of his life, he enjoys "us", & asked if I'm gonna call him later.

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MustLuvMusic2 Newbie

MustLuvMusic2

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Met new guy in June. We seemed to hit it off. Seemed like he was genuinely into me. Wined, dined, complimented, supported my endeavors. We enjoyed getting to know each other (*I* did). Such a refreshing change from the BS men I attract. I'm a novice dater. Only child, strict/ overprotective parents, wasn't allowed to date, hang out, became oblivious to men until college. Met an older grad student who put me through pure hell(cheating, verbal/emotional abuse). College guy is my only serious relationship. I was engaged once. He cheated. Met a few creeps, like: an ex-Marine who kicked me out of his car bc he felt I wasn't completely dressed & ready to go. All I had to do was buckle my sandal straps! "Me, myself & I" became my new mantra. Then I met new guy.

New guy's attn dwindled. Daily contact became every other day, weekly, then intermittent. His replies to my contact became delayed. His calls/texts to me, would be late @night. He'd ask what I've done all day then tell me about all the cool things he's done w/his kids, fam &/or friends. So, I asked why it seemed he no longer wanted to spend time w/me. After filibuster, he finally told me that spending time, dating, getting to know, etc. = commitment in his eyes. He said he's not where he wants to be financially, career wise & w/co-parenting. Then said: he's not sure if I'm the one, I have most of what he seeks in a wife, has feelings for me & not dating/talking to any other women. Time progressed. He'd intermittently contact. I'd get delayed response to my contacting him. With his contact, he'd ask how I've been spending my time(sure hadn't been w/him). My best friend's advice was to be evasive & vague w/my answers (as he is w/me). I felt like that was playing games. Time progressed. I had a death in my fam. He met the fam member, so I told him. He was very supportive. Then NC. When he finally contacted, I was very sick (flu). He was full of advice. Baby this. I used some of my bf suggested words as well as my own. He word fumbled then said he's not interested in a relationship w/anyone not just me, he can't give me what I deserve, has feelings for me & would be a fool to have me out of his life but it's unfair to ask me to wait on him, AND...if it was the opposite, he wouldn't wait on me (that crushed me). AND...he's on a dating site! Said he thx women for their msg's & tells them he's talking 2someone rt now. I said "so friends it is". He said "NO! we're more than that" Said when he's around me, he will not act like "just friends". He'd repeat "I was introduced to women b4 u, & after u". After me? Then, after crushing my spirit, asked was I going to call him. NC. He texted on Thanksgiving & will text/call sporadically.

The latest is that he's taken on a 2nd job. Which has monopolized even more of his time. He told why he got the 2nd job. "My name, us, we" he never uttered. I now get the occasional "thinking about u", "hey" "wyd?" texts. 😞

NC on Christmas, so I texted (didn't want him to hear the hurt in my voice). He replied fairly quickly, then called but I couldn't answer. I called bk, no answ. I texted. No reply. Last week, I asked him to attend an event w/me. Said he'd let me know. The event is today. I contacted last night. No response. Played...yet again.

He texted me about 15 min before today's event that I invited him to with: "not going, sorry, should've reached out sooner". He texted throughout the entire event! Am I slow? Did I miss something in between his "not sure if you're the one" & "I wouldn't wait on u, if this were reversed". And...Nope...didn't reply to his texts.

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