I'm so confused...

[girl00001]

Hi, I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost half a year now and everything was going really great. We had so much fun together, we go on adventures together, and we have planned our future together. He is like the perfect guy for me. He's very romantic and he knows how to make me smile. He's a very kind guy, he always takes care of me. He's always there for me and vice versa. He told me that I am the best thing that happened to him. When we started dating he told me that he is a really very short tempered person. But I've never seen him lose his cool. Maybe at work, yeah, when it's really busy, but he's been really patient with me.

 

 

He's pretty stable in life now whereas I am still studying. I've introduced him to my family and all family members liked him. His family is lives in another country but they all know about me. He introduced me to his friends. We used to see each other regularly because we used to work at the same company and he is the GM. But all this changed several weeks after he came back from holiday. He told me that he feels stressed. We both thought that it was due to him coming back to work right after 2mos holiday. His mind and body is still on holiday mode. A week later after he came back, he just stopped texting and calling. I knew then something's wrong. So I called him and asked. He said nothing. But I wasn't convinced so I came to his house after lunch to check and found out that he was still in bed watching TV, haven't had shower, didn't have anything for breakfast or lunch, he hasn't done anything at home basically. He is not that type of person, he is very organised. Even sometimes when he says he's feeling lazy he'd still get things done because he just can't sit around all day doing nothing. I was surprised and so I asked him if everything's ok. He said yes he just doesn't feel like doing anything that day. Fast forward, I still wasn't convinced that he was okay but I let him do his thing, sometimes he just won't call but I didn't mind, for some reason I know something is off. One time I asked him again and he said he doesn't understand what's going on with him. He feels so stressed and no motivation. He said even going to the gym doesn't excite him anymore. He loves going to the gym so much. Then he told me to spend more time with my family and friends. He'll deal with whatever's going on by himself. A week later he got better, he talked a lot again and was a lot more playful. And then we had a fight. He was jealous because according to him I was very close to this other guy at work. I told him to stop worrying about it because I belong only to him. And then all of a sudden on his birthday he went MIA. We planned to celebrate his birthday together. But he was nowhere to be found, his phone was off. I found out that our big boss gave him 2 days off to relax and cool down because apparently he was really stressed and wasn't talking to anyone at work. That really had a huge impact on everyone at work because he's the GM. I messaged him anyway to say happy birthday. But all I got was a break up message saying he doesn't want to continue this relationship anymore. It was completely unexpected. But I said I won't accept his decision. I told him to just enjoy his day and try to destress and when he gets back we'll talk. He then replied "don't contact me. I will call you when I'm okay." Then he unfriended me on FB. I was really shocked and confused. I know there's something bothering him.

 

I bought him a cake and left it at workplace hoping it would make him happy but when he got back 2 days later the cake was still in the fridge untouched. We never talked to each other that day, well he didn't talk to anyone. The following day he seemed okay, he was talking to everyone except me. Right at that moment I decided to talk to the big boss. I just can't work with him if he's treating me like that. I told big boss that I'm resigning and without questions she said I understand your situation but she said I still need to let the manager know. Big boss then told me that my position will only be available for me so if I want to come back anytime I am more than welcome to. So I waited for him that night. At first he told me to not wait for him because he's gonna be finishing late. But I told him I don't mind. We talked in the car. I was so nervous to say anything because he was quiet. Then he started off with "don't think too much... just move forward." I told him I can't. Right after I said that his tears just started falling. He asked if my parents know what's going on and I said no, he said I should tell them. How would I tell them if I don't know what's going on myself? He put his arm around me and said "you're a strong girl. I know you are..." I was so confused I have no idea what's going on. I asked him to explain but all he said was you have no idea what's happening. I told him he can't just throw away everything just like that. Then he held my hand. He said he's so stressed. But I don't know what to do. It feels like he doesn't want my help. Usually when he has a problem he'd ask me to go for a long drive with him. But this time it's different. It's confusing. I feel helpless. He asked me to slap him. He said he needs to be slapped. I asked him why.. again he said he doesn't know what's going on with him. I figured out he may be experiencing what is called "quarter life crisis" as he just turned 30. He said he needs time to cool down. He'll call me when he's okay. I asked him directly what are we right now? He said he doesn't know. He asked me to give him time. Then he asked me to give him a hug. When I hugged him I said I love him and he just said "I know." So I told him I will wait for him. And then before I left he said to text him before I go to bed. I did. He replied one word two words every time though but I didn't stop. It went on like that for a couple of days until one day he just stopped replying. I figured he really needed space. So I sent him a message telling him that I won't give up on him and then I stopped texting him for a week? When I finally texted him again he replied so fast he said he was getting better and actually started sending emojis again. Which means he's really getting better. Christmas day. For some reason he just started liking my photos on IG? but I didn't text him. Instead I went to see him at work. He was okay, I guess. He was sick. He asked me what I've been up to etc. and every time I answer he'll just say "good on you." And then before I left I said "Merry Christmas, good bye" he said, "Same to you, I'll catch you later." Before I went to bed that night I texted him take paracetamol after meal and then I said good night. He replied good night. I didn't text him on the 26th as I was very sick too. Today though when I woke up I texted him asking if he's feeling better now but no reply. Although he keeps checking my story on IG.

 

The thing with me is I have a high level of patience. I don't know. And the fact that I love him so much makes me want to keep holding on but sometimes like right now as I am typing this I feel like screw this. A big part of me believes that he just needs time. I know we'll make it through but the other part of me is lost. I don't know where I stand to be honest and I'm so scared. I'm planning to see him at work again this coming Saturday. I want to watch the fireworks display with him after his shift.

 

What do you guys think? I just want to know your opinions.

[MissCanuck]

Oh, dear. This was painful to read, and I'm sorry this has happened to you.

 

I think that you have good intentions and are are hurt, but you're also not respecting his wish to end the relationship. He was very clear, whether you accept it or not. Buying him cake and coming to talk and telling him you don't accept his decision and will wait are all indications that you are crossing a boundary he put in place. I know you are searching for answers and can't believe this is happening. But OP, you simply need to at least give him space. What you are doing right now is behaving like his girlfriend when he already told you he doesn't wish to continue being your boyfriend. Not at this time.

 

He might be under a serious amount of stress, but I also get the sense there's more to this. In fact, he more or less told you there is. He just won't specify what's behind all of this. Take his word for it that he's not in a position to be in a relationship right now. It sounds like it has nothing to do with you personally. Which is both good and bad. It means you've done nothing wrong per se, but it also means you cannot fix it. He needs to work through this on his own.

 

My suggestion is to give him miles of space. He knows you're there if he wants to talk or consider reconciling, but now is not the time to continue contacting him and checking on him. He's already told you where things stand, and it appears that right now, you are not a couple. I know that's hard to hear, I've been there. But just because you don't accept his decision doesn't mean it didn't happen. Don't meet him on Saturday. Let him have time to himself to sort out his thoughts and feelings. You will need time to sort out your own, too.

[Clio]

Sounds like he had some kind of a depressive episode. It could be that he is facing some mental health issue. Regardless, you need to respect his wishes and give him the space he requested. A break up is not a democratic process. It only takes one. This man does not want to be in a relationship with you anymore. That is all the info you need. You did all that you could. Time to respect his request and let him go.

[Iggy5129]

Maybe when he was gone for 2 months he realized he didn't want to be with you anymore. He didn't have the responsibility of having a gf and he liked it. Or he may have met someone on vacation. Either way he is done with the relationship.

 

I would go NC and not meet him Saturday.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this but unfortunately you knew it was coming for weeks when he was fading out and avoiding you. You only dated 5 mos and that's way too soon to cling this tightly and constantly "talk about the future". It sounds like you were rushing ahead full speed without him and he needed to breathe from being suffocated.

 

You can't "I said I won't accept his decision" when someone tells you it's over and they break up...it's not a joint decision. Unfortunately you keep remaining in denial and disbelief thinking "he must be in crisis", when he's blocking you, deleting you and tells you not to contact him.

 

You need to respect him and his request for breaking up and no contact. No do not call, text, run to his house or stalk him at work. He knows where you are. Please spare your dignity and self respect and leave him alone.

almost half a year now. I wasn't convinced so I came to his house. I still wasn't convinced that he was okay but I let him do his thing. I got was a break up message saying he doesn't want to continue this relationship anymore. . He then replied "don't contact me. I will call you when I'm okay." Then he unfriended me on FB. I figured out he may be experiencing what is called "quarter life crisis" as he just turned 30.

[Rick0578]

Relationships can be tough in the first place even under the best of circumstances but from what you have described about him it sounds like he has some issues with depression or something like that and there is not going to be a single thing you can do to correct or fix anything like that trust me been there done that and if he is not receptive to you especially with his condition then you need to unfortunately Let It Go. I can relate completely and yes it is painful and heart breaking. Believe me it is not easy to say the same thing that others have said to me but eventually you will move on.

[girl00001]

Hi to all. Thank you for your opinions. I appreciate it so much. I know it's kinda pathetic of me to say to him that I don't accept his decision. We've been kind of dating for a year and in a relationship for half a year and we never really had a fight. So I'm confused why all of a sudden he just gave up.

 

Anyway I just got a call from him today. He was asking if I wanted to see the fireworks display on new year's eve with him. He said we could watch it together if I want to? I asked how he is he said he's getting better. He sounded okay to me. I'm really happy that he called but I'm confused... I was gonna go NC like what most of you suggested because I'm not sure he might be feeling okay today but what if his mood changes again on Saturday?

[Wiseman2]

Go and see what happens.

Anyway I just got a call from him today. He was asking if I wanted to see the fireworks display on new year's eve with him. He said we could watch it together if I want to? I'm really happy that he called

[MissCanuck]

Be very careful, OP.

 

He might want some company for New Year's Eve, and then disappear afterwards. A lot of people don't like the thought of being alone on NYE, and considering he broke up with you, I would strongly urge you to reconsider going. How will you feel if NYE is fun and happy, and then he goes cold again?

[sparkles456]

He has something going on that he's not telling you. What I want to say has been said already. I can tell you a short version of something that's happened to me. A guy broke up with me after he failed the bar. He never told me he failed, but I put two and two together. The day he was supposed to get his results he fell off the face of the earth. I didn't hear from him that evening and it was never the same after that. We broke up, and it sucked, but i moved on and so will you. I also dated a guy for eight years, stuck by him for almost two while he had cancer. When he found out he had cancer he dropped off the face of the earth as well, but we had been dating for six years and I gave him his space (we broke up after he got better because of other things in the relationship that never changed). I feel like something happened to your guy and he just wants to deal with it alone. He's checked out and if I were you I would give him space and not contact him. If he wants to reach out, he knows how to get a hold of you. I hope what I'm trying to say has helped, trust me I know it's hard.