He cancelled on me last minute. How should i respond?

[Mira223]

This should have been our 5th date. He is the one who initiated all the dates. Today he cancelled last minute, apologized and said his mother needs something done then asked for rescheduling on the same day, he suggested different hours but I was just too disappointed and felt kinda angry for him cancelling on the last minute (like literally I was leaving the house).

 

I responded nicely and said that i understand things like this happen and stuff. Yet refused to go out another time during the day.

 

Now I know things like that happen but I just felt disrespected don't know why. Although he tried to schedule another meeting on the same day. But I just felt like I don't want to go out anymore and made excuses.

 

Am I overreacting? I like him and he never did this before but I still feel like whatever he had to do could have been postponed instead of calling last minute. I actually had to do other things as well but though it would be rude to cancel THE NIGHT BEFORE THE DATE. That got me extra mad when he did it.

 

Should I act normal? Or should I bring this up again and tell him i didn't like it?

[Batya33]

Depends on what it was (might have been more of an emergency than he is comfortable sharing). I think it's good that he wanted to see you same day. Just tell him nicely next time that last minute cancellations like that don't work for you because you reschedule, spend time getting ready, etc.

[angrythoughts]

He wanted to reschedule the same day. So yes, I believe you're overreacting. He's claiming that his mother needs him and asked to see you at different hours, which is very considerate of him. He could've canceled and not made arrangements to reschedule at all.

 

You shouldn't be upset. And to bring up that him canceling last minute to help his mom bothered you sounds a bit ridiculous. It sounds selfish.

[indea08]

I agree with angrythoughts. You're being ridiculous. You say yourself "stuff happens and I understand that" paired with "he's never done this before" and yet you show ZERO understanding and are being completely self-centered. Don't be so demanding and learn to go with the flow.

[j.man]

Not sure why you'd think to bring up that you didn't like him cancelling. Kinda like me showing up to the MTA and saying I hate it when my train is late. They know no one likes it. They're not playing around with the switches to delay the trains and intentionally ruin my day, and I can almost assure you your date wasn't egging his mom on all morning to have him do something for her so that he could ruin yours.

 

Make a note of it and move forward. Have fun. If it's a pattern, then simply stop seeing him.

[LadyAbbey31]

I wouldn't say anything at this point. Something came up and he had to cancel, it happens unfortunately. The fact that he tried to reschedule means he actually wanted the date to happen. It may happen to you as well and you'll need to postpone, and if you do, hopefully he will be understanding as well. This is nothing to be upset over, UNLESS it becomes a pattern.

[Mira223]

Depends on what it was (might have been more of an emergency than he is comfortable sharing). I think it's good that he wanted to see you same day. Just tell him nicely next time that last minute cancellations like that don't work for you because you reschedule, spend time getting ready, etc.

 

He wanted to reschedule the same day. So yes, I believe you're overreacting. He's claiming that his mother needs him and asked to see you at different hours, which is very considerate of him. He could've canceled and not made arrangements to reschedule at all.

 

You shouldn't be upset. And to bring up that him canceling last minute to help his mom bothered you sounds a bit ridiculous. It sounds selfish.

 

I agree with angrythoughts. You're being ridiculous. You say yourself "stuff happens and I understand that" paired with "he's never done this before" and yet you show ZERO understanding and are being completely self-centered. Don't be so demanding and learn to go with the flow.

 

Not sure why you'd think to bring up that you didn't like him cancelling. Kinda like me showing up to the MTA and saying I hate it when my train is late. They know no one likes it. They're not playing around with the switches to delay the trains and intentionally ruin my day, and I can almost assure you your date wasn't egging his mom on all morning to have him do something for her so that he could ruin yours.

 

Make a note of it and move forward. Have fun. If it's a pattern, then simply stop seeing him.

 

I wouldn't say anything at this point. Something came up and he had to cancel, it happens unfortunately. The fact that he tried to reschedule means he actually wanted the date to happen. It may happen to you as well and you'll need to postpone, and if you do, hopefully he will be understanding as well. This is nothing to be upset over, UNLESS it becomes a pattern.

 

You guys are right. Guess I am really being silly over nothing. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Am much more calm now and I can see things more clearly.

[Ms Darcy]

Yes, calm down. And plan the next date!

[Reflections11]

As you've seen, you definitely overreacted. An interesting thing to do now is try to examine to yourself WHY you did. I have found that the times I have very strong and unexpected emotional reactions to things, they are usually a clue or path to discovering some hidden buried unhealthy subconscious belief which is expressing itself in weird ways. Just a thought

[browser]

Of course you're over reacting, what's worse is you're asking random strangers about yourself because you are completely out of touch with your own feelings, emotions, and motivations, and this is a very bad thing. I mean, if you don't know yourself, how can you possibly expect to get to know someone else?

[mustlovedogs]

5th date and he's doing all the pursuing - you need to step up and ask him on a date sometime too.

[Batya33]

Not sure why you'd think to bring up that you didn't like him cancelling. Kinda like me showing up to the MTA and saying I hate it when my train is late. They know no one likes it. They're not playing around with the switches to delay the trains and intentionally ruin my day, and I can almost assure you your date wasn't egging his mom on all morning to have him do something for her so that he could ruin yours.

 

Make a note of it and move forward. Have fun. If it's a pattern, then simply stop seeing him.

 

I suggested she be specific about the type of cancellation. I've run into too many who think that texting right before is ok or are more lax than I am about inconveniencing people.

[SooSad33]

You're reaction.. is an anger.. or frustration? Fine.. but let it go!

 

He is the one to initiate all the dates, you said. Stuff happens....

 

If YOU dont' feel he's worth it, stop investing in him. But. be honest, dont drag it on.

[SooSad33]

I suggested she be specific about the type of cancellation. I've run into too many who think that texting right before is ok or are more lax than I am about inconveniencing people.

 

You have run into too many?

 

Maybe YOU need some down time.. to work on yourself and 'get over this'...?

What's going to happen with your 'next' disapointment? Expect there will be more.

 

But.. if you're still affected from your 'past experiences', maybe you need some cooling down time in your Life.

[Batya33]

You have run into too many?

 

Maybe YOU need some down time.. to work on yourself and 'get over this'...?

What's going to happen with your 'next' disapointment? Expect there will be more.

 

But.. if you're still affected from your 'past experiences', maybe you need some cooling down time in your Life.

 

Excuse me? Yup. run into many who flake/are unreliable and I don't have the time in my life to accommodate much of that. Emergencies of course or tentative plans. Of course more people will flake- I simply give one or two chances and then move on. As many would do.

[sd95]

This should have been our 5th date. He is the one who initiated all the dates. Today he cancelled last minute, apologized and said his mother needs something done then asked for rescheduling on the same day, he suggested different hours but I was just too disappointed and felt kinda angry for him cancelling on the last minute (like literally I was leaving the house).

 

I responded nicely and said that i understand things like this happen and stuff. Yet refused to go out another time during the day.

 

Now I know things like that happen but I just felt disrespected don't know why. Although he tried to schedule another meeting on the same day. But I just felt like I don't want to go out anymore and made excuses.

 

Am I overreacting? I like him and he never did this before but I still feel like whatever he had to do could have been postponed instead of calling last minute. I actually had to do other things as well but though it would be rude to cancel THE NIGHT BEFORE THE DATE. That got me extra mad when he did it.

 

Should I act normal? Or should I bring this up again and tell him i didn't like it?

 

 

 

I was cancelled on today and isn't funny how the excuse is always family? lol

 

 

 

But in your case it was the 5th date so I can see how you would be irritated

[katrina1980]

Mira, franky I am confused as to why you feel disappointed or disrespected?

 

He did NOT cancel last minute. In fact, he did not cancel at all.

 

He simply wanted to reschedule/move the "time" of the date ....because he needed to help his mom for a bit first.

 

I would understsnd your reaction, if he actually did cancel and made no attempt to reschedule.

 

But again, he did not cancel, just wanted to move the time to meet to a bit later that same day, so he could help his mom.

 

No disrespect, but you sound a bit rigid, and maybe even a bit distrustful. Try and be a bit more open-minded and flexible, it will serve you much better going forward. JMO of course, works well for me.

 

That doesn't mean tolerating BS or when someone does actually cancel last minute or flakes, but hell if someone needs to move the time to help a friend or family member or even if they're running late, and they contact you letting you know, chill out and try to not read so much into it.

 

Yes I do think you are over-reacting.

[Batya33]

I think it depends individually. Maybe she had a shorter time window because of the holidays - depends on what he knew about her schedule that day and what they had planned. Certainly flexibility is needed and on his side too - perhaps he could have been flexible and told his mother he needed to see her later.

[katrina1980]

I think it depends individually. Maybe she had a shorter time window because of the holidays - depends on what he knew about her schedule that day and what they had planned. Certainly flexibility is needed and on his side too - perhaps he could have been flexible and told his mother he needed to see her later.

 

Fair points but what I don't get is why she is "disappointed" or feels disrespected.

 

If the new time doesn't work for her, fine, then reschedule for another day.

 

But she is reacting like he has completely blown her off, which he did not.

 

The have had five dates, and his mom, who gave birth to him and raised him, needed him for a little while first.

 

Personally, I think it shows integrity, compassion and caring that he wants to help his mom.

 

He can see OP after that, they have all night to be together.

 

Sounds like she expects to be his *priority* which after only five dates she is not, nor should be imho.

[Batya33]

Fair points but what I don't get is why she is "disappointed" or feels disrespected.

 

If the new time doesn't work for her, fine, then reschedule for another day.

 

But she is reacting like he has completely blown her off, which he did not.

 

The have had five dates, and his mom, who gave birth to him and raised him, needed him for a little while first.

 

Personally, I think it shows integrity, compassion and caring that he wants to help his mom.

 

He can see OP after that, they have all night to be together.

 

Sounds like she expects to be his *priority* which after only five dates she is not, nor should be imho.

My momwho gave birth to me would not have wanted me to cancel on someone or delay or be late to help her unless it was an emergency. Again it depends on what her schedule was that day and what he knew.

[katrina1980]

My momwho gave birth to me would not have wanted me to cancel on someone or delay or be late to help her unless it was an emergency. Again it depends on why her schedule was that day and what he knew.

 

Awesome, you have a very understanding mom.

 

I still think the OP over-reacted.

 

Again after five dates, she is not priority, a little flexibility on her part, as opposed to taking it as a personal insult and feeling *disrespected* simply because he asked to push up the time is a bit much.

 

If you disagree, that is okay, we can agree to disagree!

[Batya33]

Awesome, you have a very understanding mom.

 

I still think the OP over-reacted.

 

Again after five dates, she is not priority, a little flexibility on her part, as opposed to taking it as a personal insult and feeling *disrespected* simply because he asked to push up the time is a bit much.

 

If you disagree, that is okay, we can agree to disagree!

. Well she is but it was more that her values were and are that she doesn't like to inconvenience people. And she valued my relationships and developing and maintaining them especially having to do with potential long term partners and good friends.

I'd have to know more about whether she had time to see him later. Then certainly she should be flexible. People I make plans with deserve my reliability barring an emergency- nothing to do with dating or how many dates.

[sd95]

But let's not act like same day cancellation reasons is always the truth. Most of the time using family as a reason to cancel is a conveinent way out of a date.

[Batya33]

But let's not act like same day cancellation reasons is always the truth. Most of the time using family as a reason to cancel is a conveinent way out of a date.

 

Yes it can be but the guy offered to reschedule the very same day.

[katrina1980]

Batya, remember he *asked* if they could reschedule the time. Which *does* show respect for her time.

 

If she didn't want to or felt it would be an inconvenience, she should have told him so.

 

Not said it was fine, and then complain to us later she felt disrespected.

 

Had he not liked her much, he could have easily cancelled altogether. He did not, he asked to push the time up.

 

OP is making a mountain out of a molehill, over-thinking this.

 

Again we can agree to disagree.