Lovelorn2016 Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 So, yesterday my ex-wife sends me an email wanting to get back together again... First off, no, I dont want to.. Just no.. Hell no.. Well, here's the story. We were together for about 4-1/2 years, three married. First relationship I ever had.. The first time I discovered she was cheating was less than a year into the marriage. She cheated with multiple men (and possibly women too). I wanted to work it out.. Yeah I know first mistake.. So about a year after the divorce, she'd apologized, promised it would never happen again, and we tried seeing each other again for about 2 months. Yeah, yeah... I know... After that we kept in touch sporadically for the next couple years, and then lost touch for about 2 years. She got back in touch about 4 years ago, and we talked and agreed to see if time had changed anything.. Nope... We dated for about 4 months, then she met another guy and pretty much dropped me cold turkey. That stung me quite a bit, and it took a while to finally get over it and her. Yeah, i know, i should have seen that coming in the first place.. So we didn't have any contact for the next 2-1/2 years, when she once again contacted me early this year, wanting to come crawling back again. Yes, I agree I should have never responded in the first place.. I said no, and tried to explain why. She persisted, claiming shes changed and is on meds now, and kept wanting to come visit. I said I'm not ready or comfortable for her to visit. So after a few messages over a few months time, I said let's just try to be friends and keep in touch from time to time. She would mostly initiate contact and my responses were blunt or I wouldn't respond sometimes. Other times I'd just change the subject and talk about the cats, who were here when she was, and have fortunately stayed with me. Also, a side note, according to the facebook profile of that guy she left me for 3 years ago, he has listed that they are still together, and even has recent posts (like yesterday) involving her. She describes him to me as her "ex". So it sounds like she's probably playing this guy.. So yeah, here I sit.. looking for advice on how to think up a good response. I guess my problem is I'm just trying to be too nice and have been politely telling her no. I don't want to be an **** and just tell her to go **** herslf. I don't really want us to hate each other, and would have just preferred to part on good terms and keep in touch once in a while. I'm thinking that may not be possible, and I just might have to get harsh.. Link to comment
Viceroy Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 Wow! Yeah, that sounds like a really awful position to be in. It's commendable that you don't see the need to be mean, yet she doesn't want to take no for an answer. It's probably a good idea to tell her things aren't going to work out, you've been down this road with her before, and nothing really has changed. You could send her a polite message, and after that I would block her number. I don't think staying friends is going to work out well. She's going to be persistent until you eventually cave in or say something you really didn't want to say. Best to avoid all that by just sending her a message and then blocking her. Link to comment
luisannalui Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 A good response? No! Including blocking her from everywhere Link to comment
Clio Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 No need to get harsh in terms of words. You do need to become firm and consistent in terms of actions. That means telling her politely that you are never getting back together but you would like to part on good terms and are ok with keeping in touch once in a while. Then stick to your boundaries. No need to explain yourself further. She has cheated multiple times and she knows it. Set your boundaries. If she does not respect them then you need to cut off all contact. However, wanting to remain in touch with a liar and a cheater doesn't sound like a bright idea...In fact it makes you seem like a doormat so you may want to reconsider that part. P.S. Telling her to ### herself after the way she treated you wouldn't make you an ### but it would prolong the toxicity and drama. Link to comment
Lovelorn2016 Posted December 25, 2016 Author Share Posted December 25, 2016 Yeah, pretty much all I can come up with is the same things I've said before. I told her we've tried and tried and any further attempt would just be short term. I've tried asking her to just stop and recall why she leaves time and time again. I still dont get an answer on that. Then I try asking her to put myself in her shoes and think about the pain and mysery I've gone through.. I've even told her about how i became infatuated with another woman this past summer, which she just ignored and changed the subject to hooking up again. I'll just have to make sure that's clear and not leave any loopholes. Link to comment
Wolfshook Posted December 26, 2016 Share Posted December 26, 2016 Tell her she's a cheating (insert some creative insult here) and block her everywhere. Since you dont have kids threaten her with restraining order. No need to be nice. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted December 26, 2016 Share Posted December 26, 2016 Is the sex really fantastic or something? I can't figure out why else you kept taking her back and why you're still in contact. Link to comment
Lovelorn2016 Posted December 26, 2016 Author Share Posted December 26, 2016 Lol. No, it wasn't actually. I ask myself that question frequently... I guess it was just remembering the way she made me feel when we first met and were together. Just wanting to relive that. But I know differently now! I finally wrote back and basically said, just try to imagine how i felt, with the things she did. Then said the bottom line is nothing is ever gonna change, and I dont have anything more to offer. Link to comment
AutumnBorn Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Repeat after me: This isn't working for me. Repeat as needed. Over and over and over. This is about you, not your ex. You want what works, not what doesn't. Good luck. Link to comment
AdviceNeeded1 Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 Its encouraging to me to see men who will not allow adultery to be in their marriage. I pray one day I meet a man like you who refuses to allow that type of treatment and will adore a woman who won't do it. Move on and block her from your life. If you truly want and think you deserve better, this should be an easy move. Link to comment
Lovelorn2016 Posted January 8, 2017 Author Share Posted January 8, 2017 So yeah, she wrote back, and said she'll keep this hope that I'll change my mind someday... Oh, and she asked about coming to visit again... Anyhoo, I never wrote back, and actually I ended up closing that email account now, since I never use it anyways. A few days later she messaged me happy birthday, I said thanks. Then she asked what I was doing for my birthday, I never responded.. so, that was the last I heard from her. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 Does she have your cell phone number or are you Facebook friends? Link to comment
Lovelorn2016 Posted January 8, 2017 Author Share Posted January 8, 2017 Yeah, she does have my number, but hasn't texted me at all, thank god.. I have her blocked from my Facebook, but she is friends with the cats... lol Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 I was just wondering how she keeps managing to message you. Link to comment
Lovelorn2016 Posted January 8, 2017 Author Share Posted January 8, 2017 I have several email addresses. Most have been around before she ever came into the picture a long time ago.. she keeps switching between them. she started with emails, then when we agreed to try to be friends and just keep in touch, she was messaging me on the cats Facebook for a bit, but I wasn't replying much, so she switched back to emails. I might have her blocked from texts too, I know I did on my old phone... still trying to figure my new phone out! Lol Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Do not answer no matter what she send you. She will go away sooner or later IF you stop responding. Your cats have their own FB page? Seriously???? Tell your cats to block her too. Lost Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Your cats have their own FB page? Seriously???? Tell your cats to block her too. ] Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Do not answer no matter what she send you. She will go away sooner or later IF you stop responding. Your cats have their own FB page? Seriously???? Tell your cats to block her too. Lost Unless, of course, you want "the cats" to be able to receive messages from her. If you're truly not interested in rekindling, and you're not secretly enjoying that she seemingly isn't able to "get over" you (ego boost), how about blocking any and all means of contact, and if she manages to slip a message through, ignoring and blocking whatever means she used? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 ^ I agree with Bolt. You're obviously leaving a door open... Link to comment
Lovelorn2016 Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 Unless, of course, you want "the cats" to be able to receive messages from her. If you're truly not interested in rekindling, and you're not secretly enjoying that she seemingly isn't able to "get over" you (ego boost), how about blocking any and all means of contact, and if she manages to slip a message through, ignoring and blocking whatever means she used? I decided to completely leave her in the past. I finally blocked her from Facebook, along with anyone close to her that might try to slip through the cracks. I've also shut down the email account she was writing to me at, since I never use it anyways and its is mostly spam. I also have her numbers blocked, although on my phone it still notifies me when I have a blocked call or message, as far as I know she hasn't texted or called me. I got rid of all the photos a long time ago. Unfortunately, she knows where I work, but hopefully she won't try to call there! Link to comment
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