The wrong is with her

[luisannalui]

Please read previous post to understand topic.

 

So, after breaking up with me, saying I have no shame etc. She sent me a message with my best friend saying to loan her some cash.

 

As I was the one managing her money etc , her bank is overdraft, shell get pay next week and today is christmas eve. Im considering bc of her son but idk why shes asking me as I know she can ask anyone else

[SooSad33]

She broke up with you? You owe her nothing!

 

No longer do you manage her money.. or anything else. Dont even respond.

[RainyCoast]

see, if you had her phone disconnected...she wouldn't be able to do this.

[annie24]

Since she broke up with you, I would not give her the money, especially since she was cruel in her breakup.

[annie24]

I just read your other thread. Yes, you should disconnect her from your phone service. Give her a week's notice, but say you are disconnecting it on Jan 1 or whatever. There is no need for you to be paying for her phone anymore, much less giving her money.

[luisannalui]

So she also told my friend that she wants her clothes back as she have none.

[luisannalui]

So, she wanted to come downstair at my apartment to pick up her clothes and have my friend comes upstair. She even said she didn't want me to know She was downstair as I would make an scene. So I took her clothes to my friend house so that she pick it up at her home. What you guys think she would think of me doing that

[HeartGoesOn]

We continue to give you the same advice for the same questions. With this being a major issue since this past July, maybe it's time to seek some form of therapy/counseling?

[annie24]

Yes, I think that counseling would be very helpful if this is an ongoing issue.

 

Luisa - I would pack up everything of hers into a big box (or more, depending on how much stuff she has) and tell her to come pick it up (whether she picks it up or sends her friend, whatever). I'm talking books, clothes, shoes, shampoo, whatever. Cut all ties.

[boltnrun]

And don't give her any money!

[Iggy5129]

Omg grow up and kick this drama out of your life. Why are you still entertaining this stupidity???

[luisannalui]

I understand that I have to ler her go.

[luisannalui]

So I judt find out that she ended the relationship because she wants to explore and meet other women. She told someone that she didnt want to b in a relationship that theres so many women that wants to be with hef and whenever she fought with me she would go to other women. Hence, she has a child. Shes 23 but seriously? I was there for her all this time wanted to blame me for not changing as she didnt have the gut to ended the relationship the righ way, by being honest.

[browser]

If you give her money you won't just be a guy that has been dumped, you'll be a guy who has been dumped who is a fool.

 

Edited to add: switch guy to lesbian.

[luisannalui]

I did give her the money and I don't regret it. I feel that I showed her that how she left me for other women that will not be there as I was. My friend told me that that's Y she give more value to those women as they give it to themselves as not being a fool as I am. But lesson learned, Shes out of my life my plans my goals; she don't deserve me. She never did

[annie24]

Not to be offensive, but I think you've just taught her that she can dump you and treat you badly and you will still be her ATM machine and doormat. Don't expect her to have a revelation that she needs to treat you better. You've given positive reinforcement for bad behavior.

[luisannalui]

I was there for her all this time. I made breakfast, lunch, dinner - washed her clothes , I was her alarm in the morning, I prepared her son for school, I took care of him did HW together- and yet She wanted to leave bc I fought whenever I found something and wanted to make see things as I was at fault And never changed. I was her personal banker , managed her money, and yet put things as I took some of her money when God knows I didnt (just did for her spendings and recorded everything in a spreadsheet) She quit her job I supported her financially for a month and did all the appointments to fill the requirements to become a taxi driver, I did her homework and exams in college ( she dropped in the middle of the semester) as she said school was taken away time which she could use to drive but still She got into a depression that I had to push her motivate her to go to work. Still at the end she said I was not a woman enough for her and she will be with someone that's is. Just bc she wanted to penetrate me and I tried for her several times but this past month we didn't have sex at all as she was depressed. Now, her account is overdraft with four fees, she havent pay her son school and had the gut to ask me for money and I was a fool to give it to her.

 

Hope I get the strength I need to cut everything relate to her.

[luisannalui]

Not to be offensive, but I think you've just taught her that she can dump you and treat you badly and you will still be her ATM machine and doormat. Don't expect her to have a revelation that she needs to treat you better. You've given positive reinforcement for bad behavior.

 

You are 💯 percent right. Learned my lesson. If you read previous post She wanted to blame me for not changing when in fact she never did. She would get mad at me whenever I opened my mouth to express something that bothered me. Everything was okay when her doormat stay shut and did everything to make her happy.

 

I sent her the screenshot where my friend told her that I said she act as shes alone abs she said that she didn't want to be with me thats theres so many women that wants her and whenever I fought she will go to other women.

 

Her behaviors are pattern. First time she cheAted (man) she blame it as she needed the money ( basically blaming me for not having it) I forgive her and move in with her to help her financially.

 

Second time she cheated talking with a girl online bc she gave her the fantasy that she wanted of penetrating. I forgive her and gave her what she wanted

 

Third time she cheated she left apartment ( I bought furniture worth $10k which are now in a storage) and went back with baby daddy. Again blame me of being possessive jealous etc ( baby daddy never respect our relationship and she tough that I pressured her to get an order of protection against him) at the end time demonstrate that I was right and he ended in jail for domestic violence, he almost killed her.

 

I forgot about myself for her; I put aside my student loan to help her financially , my goals to find a new job so that she could get hers.

 

 

I know she will try to come back. She did a great job by making me feel guilty but that ended. I dont want and will never move in with her , I want to move on with my life and shes not part of the plan. I know that I shouldn't have forgive her first time she cheated but I learned so much from her!

 

I just need the strength that I lost these past two years

[Doc Blaze]

History shows that you haven't learned your lesson yet, hopefully you will...

 

you should probably start listening to advice that ENA gives you as well as your friends.

 

 

 

 

read below...

 

 

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”.

 

 

Just saying....

[boltnrun]

So you gave her the money thinking it would make her come back to you.

 

Therapy. Therapy to find out why you would even want someone who CLEARLY doesn't either love or respect you and why you keep allowing yourself to be used.

[luisannalui]

I did want her back before knowing what she said. But after this, shes out of my life for good. I did therapy before, even with her so we could fix things. I am 💯 percent aware that I was her doormat and she used me. People have done the same before, even my sister who wanted to stay with her apartment and suggested her to make me mad so she could take me to jail so I will leave the apartment before the time I asked her to take all of the furniture out and a place to move. Worst, to make court documents to get to my job so I could lose it. ( my sister always look for herself first, I told my ex how she was so to be careful with her and the only reason I allowed her in my life was bc of my nephews and I though she changed- she made my life impossible when I was a child taking everything from hating me for no reason even stayed at my mom house twice still didn't appreciated) when I was forced out of the apartment my ex said that my sister was a good person and all she wanted was to help, as we owed two month rent (Y? Because my ex always wanted to go out on weekends and I couldnt say no) my sister offered to pay but bc she wanted the apartment and no one wanted to lease her (ask Y?)

 

I needed this I learned alot

[luisannalui]

When we got back we have a conversation where both admit wrongdoing and agreed to things to better the relationship. I was very committed to it she never did and whenever I confronted her about it she would get mad and did things like going out getting drunk and coming home late. Now I understand what she was into all this time

[luisannalui]

She had the guts to take me out of our apartment and I don't have it to disconect her phone line. Im not like her and I don't want to show her that I'm hurt

[annie24]

She had the guts to take me out of our apartment and I don't have it to disconect her phone line. Im not like her and I don't want to show her that I'm hurt

 

Soooooooo...... you're just going to keep paying for her phone use then? Ok..... that will show her!

[luisannalui]

I feel is an act of impulsiveness. She has no money and will get pay maybe tomorrow or wed. I will give her until Friday to see if she gets a plan of her own. But def before bill cycle ends that line will b disconnected