He broke up with me 5 minutes after he said he loved me

[Juliaml20]

Hi guys, well... I'm studying abroad... only 1 month, and for me is very difficult to be outside of my comfort zone, that's why I try to challenge myself in this kind of experiences. Well, i started to suffer a lot of depression, and my relationship with my exbf started to get nastier because of the distance, and the fact that I started to be clingy with him.

Before, when i was on my country, I was secure and independent, but because of this experience this change.

He started to treat me like garbage, and started to go to parties (even when I asked him to stay with me via fb so I felt calm) He cannot do me that favor.

Also, he started to get mad by everything, and then he started to talk to me with insults and very rude, and always telling me that if I did not calm down and improve my condition of sadness, he would dump me, because "he cannot stay like that, that a relationship is for being happy and calm"

I was so angry with him, for me, the relationships are for support the other persons even in their darkest moments, not just for the funny ones, I was asking him to support him for one month!!!

So, yesterday, we were happy, he wrote me some long message very beautiful telling me that I was the best thing of his life and that he truly loves me and blah blah

Literally, 1 hour after, I asked him a no-confortable question and suddenly he got mad again, and started to say that our relationship was worthless, and that he cannot take it anymore, and that he didnt wanted to be with me anymore.

I got soooo mad, that i stopped myself to cry for him and ask him to not leave, this time I told him, OK, if that's what you want, ok, a lot of things you said that you wanted to go, then bye, never talk to me again, lier. And i blocked him on fb.

What you think guys?

Do you think he is gonna reach me again at some point?

Shpuld i be prepared to it in order to stopthis sick cycle of being with a manipulator¿

I'm 21, he's 20

[Liz3030]

Read the book Attached! It's so helpful. I got clingy also and it's because when I asked for support, I was not supported. If he were a secure communicator he would have assured you. But he didn't and that means your needs aren't met and then you just feel worse and worse. It is a bad cycle and it's not your fault. You ask for reassurance, he says no. It's not your fault you need reassurance, it's just YOU. So when you find someone who is okay with doing that for you, then you will feel secure. Do you see? For some reason, he's not able to be this type of person and it's because of the way he is and will always be. Now, if you do no contact for a few weeks and one day he comes back, share that book with him, and the communication that will help you feel safe and secure. Say look I know this is how I am and this is what I need. Can you give that type of support to me? And if he says yes, make him show you and then you can decide if he's the right one for you. I know it's hard with all the emotions going on, because you are attached and anxious now. But build up your life and try to make the most of your study abroad. I am 34 and I considered doing study abroad and regret every day that I didn't go (because I liked a guy in my college so I didn't want to leave). You left because this is a great opportunity for you. Even if you feel horrible do all the things that will fully take advantage of your trip and take pictures and build connections you will keep for a lifetime. Fake it until you make it.

[Liz3030]

Oh also in the book it shows you how to communicate your needs without resorting to what they call "protest behavior" which is things like calling a million times, or being hostile/withdrawing (like blocking on FB). It shows you how to clearly state your needs, look for the reaction of your partner and then decide how to proceed.

[KantSleep]

"...Treats me like garbage, rude, gets mad... etc..."

 

Sounds like your BF can't handle the relationship unless it is sunshine and rainbows. He either does not know how to, or does not want to - deal with your depression. That would be OK, were it not for his bad behavior. I think it's best to let this boy go. He is not enhancing your life. Sorry to say. Good luck.

[j.man]

What was the "no confrontable" questions.

 

There's a difference between supporting someone when things aren't "sunshine and rainbows" and being expected to serve as a crutch or therapist. There's not much accomplished getting out of your comfort zone if it's contingent on the support of a partner to be able to do so. It's pretty unfair to expect him to give up his social life (parties) to hang out on facebook with you. And if that example is indicative of the kinds of expectations you had for support, whereby you adopt a controlling personality, I can see his apprehension.

[Liz3030]

It's true but the escalation of the support needs are because the initial support needs are not met. For example, if he reassured her in a way that helped her, she wouldn't be asking him to sit on FB with her. It is a ladder sort of. And some people are much better at supporting a more anxious person than others, so agree that this guy might not be the right person for that.

[KantSleep]

He should be out having fun, and no, it is not his job to be her therapist. But he should not be "insulting", "rude", and treating her "like garbage". This bothered me. My sister divorced a verbally abusive man. It wasn't fun being his target of disdain.

[catfeeder]

1 hour after, I asked him a no-confortable question and suddenly he got mad again

 

What did you ask him?