I have been talking to this guy for 2 years and I saw him on a date

[Lilmonkey]

I have been talking to this guy for 2 years and I saw him on a date with my friend?

 

So I have been talking to this guy for 2 years and we have become extremely close. I can admit that I have been a ***** to him at times and constantly tried to push him away because of my own issues. We were talking last night and he was acting normal and he's admitted that's he liked me a number of times but I've just brushed it off. I feel like our connection is really deep and s,ethi g that I find extremely hard to let go of. I tried to not talk to him for legit a week and I couldn't even handle that and neither could he? Everyone's always thinks we're a couple and I get why. However, last night I went out with a friend and I saw him with my EX BESTFRIEND and they were obviously on a date of some sorts. He saw me and burst out laughing and was like **** and didn't know what to and the ***** girl hugged me. I have felt like absolute crap since this, I don't know why I feel so bad because I don't even like the guy. The thing is I'm not sad and I haven't cried, like I feel physical pain and nausea.

 

Me and him are extremely close and talk every single day, so this is v odd for me.

[shiner501]

Sounds like fair game to me, other than his laughing...... Very close is not the same as romantically intertwined.

Did he ever ask you for a date, in a romantically interested way?? If not you were interested in him did you ever ask him for a date?

[Pretzel]

You sound very confused, on the one hand you are expressing deep attachment but then you also are stating you 'don't even like the guy'. I think you need to figure out exactly what it is that you want from this relationship. If it is just friendship, then you can't really obsess over jealousy from him being on a date, regardless of who it is with- your friend or a stranger. If you want more than friendship, you need to be honest with yourself and with him if it is causing problems.

 

It's fine if you don't have a 'normal' dynamic as long as it is not interfering with your other relationships but in this case sounds like it is becoming complicated.

[Batya33]

Sounds like you two are chat buddies and friends. You talk to friends who then hang out with other people right? Also sounds like you haven't always treated him appropriately. It's understandable that you were jealous and wished you were the one on a date. Is there a reason you two have not gone on a date?

[Lilmonkey]

no, but I think that's more to do with me pushing him away and telling him to go for other girls. I guess it is far and it's silly for me to think I still have control over him. I guess I liked the fact that I could have him at any point? But it was just so strange to see him with her. He compleely burst out laughing and just looked like oh god, and idea what he was thinking. tb thing is I kept making jokes about him and this girl and he never actually liked her but it's strange bcoz this girl and me have been friends for years but she's so competitive and when she saw me she acted so chill when we both know that she was so happy I saw them together cuz In her mind it's like she's won but in mine it's just weird. There is no winning or prize in this, I'm just sad because I was so close to him and this now feels so awkward and we both struggled not talking for a week and idk. I don't fancy people easily but this is beyond fancying like our relationship was deeeeep and parts of it I guess quite twisted and I'm just use to it and ideeeeekkk ahhh!

[Lilmonkey]

And we flirt constantly, may not be romantically intertwined but everyone that knows us knows that it's more than simply a friendship but rather like dating but without the name. Like we're so deeply connected and we're literally just flirting 24/7 yet so comfortable with one another I don't know.....

[Lilmonkey]

Well I suppose that comes down to me. He has tried to insinuate that we should go on a date but then he says oh I know you wouldn't want to. And he's right, I find relationships very absurd, not from social awkwardness or anything but just my own thoughts and philosophies. I'm not an awkward person but I guess i just don't like casual dating and stuff, or maybe I don't like how deep our connection is and how vulnerable it would make me feel if I started actually liking him, which I probably already do but am perhaps just trying to deny it. He knows how complicated I am and he's always accepted that and if I saw him out with ANY other girl it would be fine. I've seen him with other people before and been absolutely fine, I think the issue here is the fact that me and this girl use to be best friends and only recently had an argument and it was mainly over how competitive she made things constantly, like she was trying to one up me or something all the time? Which is not something friends do, right? Just very confused at the moment because he knows what happened with this girl so why would he do that to me? I spoke to him about it the other day and he said he would still choose me over her and I didn't really care, that's not my concern, he can choose whoever he likes!!! But this is just strange?? I don't know if I'm conveying my point properly ahh lol

[Wiseman2]

Were you friends or fwb? Was he a crush? If you are not a couple or dating he can date anyone he wants just as you can. Are you jealous of your exbff?

 

Why is this bothering you if you "don't even like him"? How old is he?

I have been talking to this guy for 2 years.Everyone's always thinks we're a couple I don't know why I feel so bad because I don't even like the guy.

[j.man]

No one did anything to you. Now this guy is going on dates with your former friend. Take it or leave it.

[katrina1980]

no, but I think that's more to do with me pushing him away and telling him to go for other girls. I guess it is far and it's silly for me to think I still have control over him. I guess I liked the fact that I could have him at any point? But it was just so strange to see him with her. He compleely burst out laughing and just looked like oh god, and idea what he was thinking. tb thing is I kept making jokes about him and this girl and he never actually liked her but it's strange bcoz this girl and me have been friends for years but she's so competitive and when she saw me she acted so chill when we both know that she was so happy I saw them together cuz In her mind it's like she's won but in mine it's just weird. There is no winning or prize in this, I'm just sad because I was so close to him and this now feels so awkward and we both struggled not talking for a week and idk.

 

 

-----

 

**I don't fancy people easily but this is beyond fancying like our relationship was deeeeep and parts of it I guess quite twisted and I'm just use to it and ideeeeekkk ahhh!

 

^ Agree with pretzel, you sound really confused.

 

I mean you say above your feelings go beyond fancying and your relationship is "deeeep.*

 

But earlier you said you don't know why this bothers you so much as you "don't even like the guy."

 

This makes no sense to me.

 

Also maybe I read it wrong but my take is the reason you're "hurt" or bothered is because even tho you don't like him much, you like his attention and the fact he's hooked on you is sort of an ego boost?

 

And now that you know he may *not* be so hooked on you and dating others (your ex-bff), your ego is bruised?

 

Anyway, your post was hard to follow as it contains many ambiguities, can you clarify?

 

All that said, perhaps it was just a quick reflex, or I am not understanding it correctly, but him laughing when he saw you was completely rude and uncalled for, he sounds extremely immature!

 

Just me, but I would want nothing more to do with him after that.

 

Best to just move on and chalk this one up.

[Iggy5129]

You're not "complicated" you're dramatic. You need to relax and have some fun in life.

[Ninevision]

Stop.......

 

 

If you are friends then treat him like your friend and not a possession.

 

If you wanted more stop playing games with him.

 

He is a guy.. You flirt and talk, sending him mixed messages for what? So you can have a back up plan?

 

Let him enjoy life. Not like you wanted him anyways.

[MissCanuck]

You can't push him away and tell him to go for other girls and then get upset or confused when he actually does it.

 

You two aren't dating and it doesn't sound like you ever would. Let him go so he can find someone who does want him and doesn't treat him the way you did. In the end, it doesn't matter too much why you pushed him away. The bottom line is that you did and he got the hint not to continue going after you.

 

He apparently is moving on and you should too.

[ParisPaulette]

But you two are just online buddies, right? Would you be upset if he were a girl who was a friend and you then saw her out on a date with someone? Same exact thing here.

 

If you want more you needed to be upfront about it. And don't wait two years telling yourself someone is interested in you, because they talk to you online. That's a buddies, "Hey, how ya doing" kind of set up. It is not a relationship. You actively discouraged him. Next time don't play games and do the whole "Well, I want them to chase me" routine while telling someone they need to pursue other people.

 

People are not mind readers and it's massively unfair to expect them to be.

[Batya33]

Well I suppose that comes down to me. He has tried to insinuate that we should go on a date but then he says oh I know you wouldn't want to. And he's right, I find relationships very absurd, not from social awkwardness or anything but just my own thoughts and philosophies. I'm not an awkward person but I guess i just don't like casual dating and stuff, or maybe I don't like how deep our connection is and how vulnerable it would make me feel if I started actually liking him, which I probably already do but am perhaps just trying to deny it. He knows how complicated I am and he's always accepted that and if I saw him out with ANY other girl it would be fine. I've seen him with other people before and been absolutely fine, I think the issue here is the fact that me and this girl use to be best friends and only recently had an argument and it was mainly over how competitive she made things constantly, like she was trying to one up me or something all the time? Which is not something friends do, right? Just very confused at the moment because he knows what happened with this girl so why would he do that to me? I spoke to him about it the other day and he said he would still choose me over her and I didn't really care, that's not my concern, he can choose whoever he likes!!! But this is just strange?? I don't know if I'm conveying my point properly ahh lol

 

Watch the feet not the lips. Actions not words. He has not taken you on a date just used words to "insinuate". If you were interested in dating him, and he was interested in dating you, you would have gone on a date. No obligation on his part to limit who he dates or tries to date. I don't think you're as complicated as you think you are. You're very simply jealous that someone you have a crush on is out with another woman. Also simple is that you would like to control who he sees/what he does and he's not having any of it.

If you don't want to be in a romantic relationship or date that is fine. He does want to date people. That's fine too.