Can't tell if I'm still hung up on my ex?

[goofman]

I was really in love with this guy and we stopped seeing each other bc of long distance. I might see him again soon but i'm also trying to meet new people. I started seeing this new guy who is objectively great for me but i find myself getting annoyed at him and then rationalizing it by telling myself "i must just like older guys"- but then I wonder if this is because my ex happens to be older. Essentially, I'm not sure whether all the things i'm feeling are legitimate or colored by my ex and so I don't know of I should keep trying to see this new guy, or if I shud trust my visceral reaction that he's not what I want.

[shiner501]

If he is not what you want, you have your own answer. However, think this; your ex is an ex for a reason - it did not work out, for whatever reason. Whatever rose-colored way you look at him, it did not work out and that is the bottom line you have to come to accept. You are not with him any longer and need to move on. Maybe the new guy does not measure up to your ex? Will ANYONE measure up to him? Yes of course they will. Maybe you are not at a place where you can view someone new objectively for the person that THEY are. That is unfair to both you and the new guy.

[gebaird]

I shud trust my visceral reaction that he's not what I want.

 

It's okay to drop the new guy if things don't feel right. Maybe it's because of your ex, or maybe there's another explanation, but it's hard enough to make a relationship work when it DOES feel right. Don't settle. Keep looking for a relationship that meets your needs, feels right and doesn't have a negative history.

[rosecolored108]

Do some soul searching. You will be able to tell if you are still hung up on your ex. If you are, maybe wait to start dating. When you get past your ex, then try.

[Wiseman2]

This is so important regardless of your ex. If this guy were suitable and it was working, you wouldn't be contemplating anything about your ex.

I shud trust my visceral reaction that he's not what I want.