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He hasn't made an effort to hang out?


amanduhhpanda

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I met this guy at university last quarter and we're currently on winter break. Good news is we actually live close to each other (only 30 mins away) but every I ask him to tag along and hang out with me and my friends, he declined. I only asked twice. First time, he was actually out of town and the second time, he said none of his friends want to go with him and it was a super short notice. We text every day so I think that's a good sign but tonight, I saw on Snapchat that he is actually in my city but he is hanging out with his high school friends...

 

Should I be worried? I mean we're still at that "defining the relationship" stage so I feel like I shouldn't be worried and only been seeing him for 7 weeks.

 

Maybe he's losing interest ?

I would love to hear your take on this

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Being home from uni is a time to focus on old friends and family. His interests are on doing things he can't do once he gets back to school.

 

You've been dating 7 weeks? Did you talk about how to handle break?

 

I would focus your attentions elsewhere. Its okay to give him less access, to see your friends etc.

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When I was in uni and had bfs at uni, I think winter break was spent with friends and family not really together didn't meet up much. If you live far from your friends it's about the only time to catch up with everyone. I dunno lol. I think it's fairly healthy to spend the winter break with friends and family not trying to fit the other half in and then there's likely revision on top of it all. Mind you I'm going back 3-6 years and two of those relationships were long distance.

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Why give him the privilege of texting with you every day if he can't be bothered to put in an effort to see you? I agree that he is not that interested right now but his interest might increase if you're not as available as a chat buddy.

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Agree. Let it rest and try not to be clingy or suffocating. Holiday break is to catch up with HIS friends and family.

 

7 wks is dating, not a committed relationship. Try to relax and act more confidently, you've invited him twice, he knows where you are, wait for him to contact you. He knows you number, right?

 

Don't stalk his social media, instead enjoy your friends and family and holidays.

every I ask him to tag along and hang out with me and my friends, he declined. I only asked twice. First time, he was actually out of town and the second time, he said none of his friends want to go with him and it was a super short notice.
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Definitely do not suffocate him. It will probably only drive him away. There appears to be no need for concern; as others have said, it is normal to seek out old friends when on break from school.

 

If he continues to blow you off, then it could be a problem. Just give him space, you guys really just started dating. Maybe let him initiate some of the "hang outs."

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You're together 2 months, you put out on date #3. At first he was very interested in you but there are sure signs that the initial interest is fading.

 

He won't travel 30 minutes to see you because he can't get any of his friends to keep him company.

 

He is in your town, minutes away but chooses to hang with his friends instead of you.

 

Yes there are big problems here , the biggest of which is that you don't have proper boundaries established when it comes to dating guys and having sex with them. Generally speaking- although there are exceptions- if you give it up too soon, you lose a huge amount of perceived value in the eyes of most men who no longer see you as relationship material. Some guys are only looking for sex anyway, but either way you need to curtail the quick sex. No matter how good it feels and no matter how much you might try to convince yourself that by screwing him, he'll want to stick around. It just doesn't work that way.

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Browser's advice is true. I regret that women often do not hold men to the same standard.

 

He is not concerned about losing you. Don't dump him. Turn in another direction and let him fade from your focus.

 

Home on holiday is a demanding time. He may hit you up again at school. If you accept, understand it is early days and casual for him.

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