Need an outsider perspective

[TheString1]

I stumbled across this site and I'd appreciate some feedback, I'll keep it short.

 

Ex and I recently separated, after 1 1/2 years by her choice. Her reasoning is needing time, things haven't been the greatest lately. This happened a few months ago, we reconciled but the same problems continued on.

 

Both of us have a child separately, and they get along so well. She wants to be able to take my child places and overnight so they can see each other. She also wants me to continue watching her child one day a week due to her work schedule. Don't get me wrong, I love her child, I'm basically her dad.

 

I absolve most of the guilt for our downfall. She admits no wrong, ever. Our reconciliation happened because I was a doormat.

 

Is it wrong of me to ignore her and deny her of seeing my child and or watching hers? I want her to really know what life is like without me, but is this selfish (my selfishness ruined our relationship) ?

 

I want her back but for good this time or not at all. Will this mess up my chances?

[Wiseman2]

If she breaks up, she doesn't get bf privileges. What were all the breakups about?

we reconciled but the same problems continued on. Is it wrong of me to ignore her and deny her of seeing my child and or watching hers? I want her to really know what life is like without me.

[TheString1]

Over time, I wouldn't put her first.

 

My hobbies grew more interesting the more needy she became. I would say some harmful words as well.

 

So I've apologized for it, sent her flowers. Told her I've learned, and understand why she wants to breakup and needs time. According to her all she thinks about is the negatives and wants to forget about them.

 

I only talked about it for a few days, pleading my case, to no avail.

 

So now I'm giving her what she wants. It's day 3 of NC. She still calls, leaves no voicemail but sent a text saying "thank you for understanding and giving me time"

 

So should I continue no contact until she's ready to have a serious conversation about reconciliation? Or am I doing more harm ignoring what she wants?

[rosephase]

How was the relationship? You've written that she doesn't take any blame... do you think she should? What do you mean by harmful words?

[No1]

Have you tried couples counseling?

[SooSad33]

I absolve most of the guilt for our downfall. She admits no wrong, ever. Our reconciliation happened because I was a doormat.

And.. you've only been involved 1.5 yrs.. and have broken up, before.

 

So, you want her back.. WHY?

 

I hope, in time you'll realize this is NOT working out for you.

[TheString1]

No counseling.

 

Our relationship was like any other. It was great at first, after a year I began to resent her for "always being right", "clingy" and stressing over small things.

 

Update: I decided to no longer ignore her. After not answering several calls, I responded to a text "I don't understand" with "Didn't you want space?".

 

She called immediately, I answered. I was met with her telling me how mad she was that I ignored her, and how am I going to show her different without speaking?

 

We talked for hours like we used to. We flirted a little, it was great. Even a conversation about one day having another child, and re-arranging her house to make room! Next thing you know it's 2am, we're saying good night and she tells me not to look to much into it. We're just friends.

 

Why so hot and cold! Women are so cruel.

 

I think I answered my own question lol. Seriously, I look at it this way. If I initiate NC, I know all hopes are crushed. Even if I did NC at some point I will have to be friends again before relationship.

 

Why not now? I'm emotionally strong enough to handle the roller coaster. If she decides to see someone else, then I cut her out for good.

 

The real question is how do I make sure my issues with her are cleared before we progress?

 

Sorry for the rant

[TheString1]

I absolve most of the guilt for our downfall. She admits no wrong, ever. Our reconciliation happened because I was a doormat.

And.. you've only been involved 1.5 yrs.. and have broken up, before.

 

So, you want her back.. WHY?

 

I hope, in time you'll realize this is NOT working out for you.

 

I made her sound awful. She is amazing except for some quirks. None of her issues are a deal-breaker to me. They can be solved.

[Wiseman2]

Stop baby-sitting, if you're in the friendzone. If a relationship is what you are hoping for be clear.

If she decides to see someone else, then I cut her out for good. The real question is how do I make sure my issues with her are cleared before we progress?