Should I break up with her?

[johnp1]

We dated for a couple of months last year (she broke up with me), then starting dating again about 3 months ago after we bumped into one another. Earlier today, we went for a cup of coffee. It was the last time we'll see each other before Christmas. At the end of the date, as we were both about to get in our cars, I gave her a Christmas gift. Before she took it, she looked at me awkwardly and said: “I didn’t get you anything.” My heart sank.

 

About two months ago, when we’d been dating for about 1 month, I mentioned the day after my birthday that it was my birthday the previous day. When we saw each other the next day, I wasn’t expecting a gift or anything, but I thought a card would be appropriate, but she gave me nothing.

 

I don’t actually care about the gifts – I’m an adult and can buy myself whatever I need, but it’s the lack of effort and interest, and affection that’s making me consider breaking things off.

 

She's been texting me since I gave her the Christmas gift, and it sounds like she feels guilty. I've organised every single one of the dates we've been on, and it feels like all of the interest and effort is coming from me. Should I break it off with her, or give her a chance? It feels a little bit like I'm being used, like I'm just entertainment for her, and I don't like it. On the other hand, I do like her a lot.

 

Do you have any advice?

 

Many thinks for any responses, this is stressing me out just before Christmas. The Christmas gift incident has really caused me to rethink where this is going as it seems to capture the issue with the entire relationship in a single moment.

[Wiseman2]

Agree, sounds somewhat one-sided. Since the relationship wasn't working the first time and running into each other was not a thought-out reconciliation, there is really no improvement over before, right?

 

It may be time to pull the plug after the holidays and be free to find someone more compatible and thoughtful.

We dated for a couple of months last year (she broke up with me), then starting dating again about 3 months ago after we bumped into one another.I gave her a Christmas gift. Before she took it, she looked at me awkwardly and said: “I didn’t get you anything.” My heart sank. It feels a little bit like I'm being used, like I'm just entertainment for her, and I don't like it.

[SooSad33]

IMO, it's the lack of interest and YOU instigating everything that's the prob... not that she didnt get you anything ( But, yes, that isn't too thoughtful at all- not even a card..).

 

Always remember,, it's how they treat you. IF they truly care, they will SHOW you...

 

This is your second attempt... didnt work the first time. Why bother trying again?

 

Life.. is an experience... we learn ( sometimes).

[Harrowdown]

Sounds like you're ready for a serious relationship with her where she is looking for something more casual.

 

All you can do really is to have an open and honest chat with her and let her know what you really want.

[abitbroken]

If you mentioned "it was my birthday YESTERDAY" and she didn't know it had been your birthday, how should you expect a gift? No, no card or gift was needed after 2-4weeks of dating. When you are dating for 3 months and not official enough to spend Christmas together, gifts can be iffy. The wisdom sometimes is to get something small - some wisdom is that if you have only been dating 10 weeks - getting together for dessert or coffee is more in line with no gift. Just because you find gifts important and give one to someone doesn't mean they must in return. My guy did not buy me a birthday present the first year we were together. My birthday was somewhere between our 2nd and 3rd date, i think, or maybe right after the third. he did say "happy birthday". He didn't see me on my actual day - he was working and we only established Saturdays as dates at that point.

 

I think you are reading far too in and either have to decide if you want to date her or not. Etiquette is all over the place on gifts so early in dating. So it has to be more than gift etiquette that you need to ponder.

[Kris22]

Never break up with someone without discussing the issue with them. I suggest talking to her about how you're feeling, how you would appreciate if she planned a date. That you need to feel like you're being met halfway in the relationship. Then after your talk if things don't change or she just flat out says she can't do that for you then by all means break up.