getting over him when everything reminds me of him

[Hollyj]

The next time that a man asks you for a date at home , know that it is code for sex.

[Wiseman2]

You mean netflix and chill isn't about the movie? next time that a man asks you for a date at home , know that it is code for sex.

[Hollyj]

OP, I want to hug and shake you at the same time!

 

Don't let people treat you like this, and certainly do not put your value into someone that treats you like garbage.

[esm12]

We had texted for a while and I happened to be on campus for an orientation. We would FaceTime every night, staying on the phone even while we slept (weird, honestly at the beginning I thought he was a little too obsessive..probably a warning sign). He didn't have a car on campus at the time, and stayed in the dorm right beside mine, so I went over there. Nothing happened that first day though. I guess him telling me he loved me, that he actually cared about me for more than sex...I just listened to his words, not his actions. And you're so right, the more I think about it the more I just get angry for letting him treat me like this...I just have my moments of weakness.

 

I feel like all of my friends want to shake me too, lol. That's part of the reason why I wanted to vent on here...I kept complaining about the same thing, and they all kept telling me block him, he isn't worth it. I don't know why it truly took me so long to realize how completely awful he treated me.

 

I do know more now about motives that guys have and some signs of what to look for..but I think it will be a while before I even consider to start dating again.

 

Seriously, thank you all so much for your help. Just being able to post here when I want to contact him, and having others make me feel like I'm not crazy makes me feel a little better about this situation.

[Hollyj]

I think it is a fantastic idea not to date for a long while . You need to move on from this creep and also understood what attracted you to this dynamic.

 

Enjoy the holidays, and 2017 with family and friends, as you have wasted enough of your precious self on this guy.

[rosecolored108]

Holly is right. The dates should not start in the bedroom.

 

For most men (though not all), women lose value if they "give it up" too soon. That may sound sexist, but it is, by and large, the truth.

 

You set the stage for the dynamic, early on; I understand his words confused you, but you have to look at the actions he was taking.

 

Stop worrying about why he doesn't think you are "good enough;" people want different things and trying to figure out someone's motivations can be confusing and is a waste of time.

 

He may not even know why he wants. Move on from this guy, and place more value on yourself. When you see yourself as valuable, others will too.

[esm12]

I just saw something on social media about him, even though I blocked him...I seem to not be able to get away from him as his sport is in season. I saw all these girls commenting about how cute he was and got so jealous..but he is my ex...there is nothing to be jealous of. I just don't get how I can still be jealous

[rosecolored108]

Esm...because you obviously still have feelings for him. Getting jealous is pretty normal...just try your best to ignore that situation.

[mustlovedogs]

There was a song that, for whatever reason, brought me to tears whenever I heard it post BU. And lucky me: it was being used in a prominent commercial ad campaign. I literally avoided TV for a few months to avoid that song.

 

I remember about 4-5 months post BU I was at a bagel shop and the song came on while I was reading. I hummed along for 15 or so seconds and then realized it was THAT song and it didn't make me cry anymore. I still had some emotional attachment but the strength of that attachment weakened.

 

So much used to remind me of my ex. Everything. We were LD so even weather reports for his stupid state made me sad.

 

None of that is an issue anymore.

 

I tell you this long personal anecdote so you see I can relate and so you can see it gets better. It really does. Surround yourself with your loving support group, take up hobbies, and tell yourself why you're worthwhile. It'll help you move on.

[Scrimi99]

Hey, this guy definitely shows a lot of signs of abuse. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone so cruel? I'd say call your cellphone company and try to get them to block him too. There's a lot of research on topics like this and its probably hard for you to let go partly because you're addicted to the pain of the relationship and to the negative way it makes you feel about yourself. Things like therapy are good, and def do everything you can to stay away from him. he doesn't deserve you!

[rosecolored108]

Mustlovedogs is right...things do get better with time. I know everyone says that, but the pain lessens, especially if you let it.

 

Agree with Scrimi as well; you probably have some sort of reliance on the pain and tumultuousness of that relationship.

 

It makes you feel negative, and you are used to feeling that way. Breaking that cycle is "new" and "different" and might cause you to feel strange and unsure.

 

People often get stuck in negative behavioral and relationship patterns, because, that is what they are used to.

 

Don't get used to it; change it. Your life will be infinitely better when you do.

[esm12]

Thank you all so much. I know it will get better in time, as I already am starting too, sometimes I just wish I could get better faster. Thank you for sharing your experiences too, it really does help.

[esm12]

My friends kept telling me I was crazy when I said something about getting jealous, like you just break up and all of the feelings disappear. I obviously see now that I was treated horribly but I can't just make my feelings go away overnight even though I wish I could.

[esm12]

I need to vent. I want to contact him so bad, to tell him how badly he hurt me. I just saw he is in another relationship when he told me he didn't want one. I just had a complete breakdown and I wish I could tell him how badly it hurt that I truly loved him and for 2 years he just saw me as a girl to use for sex, and I know he feels no remorse about it. God I hate him so much

[No1]

I need to vent. I want to contact him so bad, to tell him how badly he hurt me. I just saw he is in another relationship when he told me he didn't want one. I just had a complete breakdown and I wish I could tell him how badly it hurt that I truly loved him and for 2 years he just saw me as a girl to use for sex, and I know he feels no remorse about it. God I hate him so much

 

Just send me a message.. and vent away

[esm12]

I saw him out the other night and what do you know, he snap chatted me asking where I was because he wanted to hook up. I didn't hook up with him, obviously, but it just set me back on getting over him...like all the way back.

[No1]

Think of getting over a break up as a ship crossing a big ocean. Some days its nice, some days its cloudy and other days you will hit hard waves like you did.. but remember that no matter what, you are always moving forward. Just because you hit a big wave, it doesnt send you back, it just rocks you a little. You are still crossing that ocean.

 

What did I tell you about this guy. He needs you more than you need him. He saw you and wanted to see if his hooks were still in you. Im proud of you that you said no. He didnt want to hook up with you because he liked you, he wanted to hook up with you for his benefit, not yours. You are better off without him in your life.

 

Quit responding if he does communicate with you.

[esm12]

You are right. I went off on him about how he knew it hurt me yet he continued to do it. Not that he cares at all, but while I had the chance I did. Now I'm back to the start I feel though..wondering why I was never good enough for him

[esm12]

I just was doing so, so well. Not thinking about him as much being happy...I had my moments but now it's back to how awful I felt at the beginning. and I know he doesn't feel bad at all that he does this to me at all. It's the same exact thing I've been through for the past year with him

[esm12]

and on top of all that I still somehow have feelings for him if he wanted to get back together I would say yes? Even though i know in my mind we are so, so bad for each other and would never work but I still love him and I don't know why and this just brought back all those feelings of not being good enough, of only being good enough for him to want to use me for sex

[katara42]

if he wanted to get back together I would say yes? Even though i know in my mind we are so, so bad for each other and would never work

 

Oh I get it. I'm pretty much over my loser but I am afraid of really getting tested. If he came back hard, even with me knowing it was because his new one didn't work out, I'm worried I'll fall for it.

 

But the longer I'm out the less I worry.

[esm12]

Right. And I know he would never come back to me except to use me again but like...I feel as if this is almost getting to the point of emotional abuse. I have told him so many times how I feel, how it's not what I want, yet he keeps coming back when I almost feel over it. I hesitate to say that, because I truly don't know, but I was talking to my friend and she said it was borderline. I was just so happy for the first time in a while...then he has to come back and ruin it.

[esm12]

I think it just sucks realizing all over again that I was never like a person to him... I was some girl he used for sex and that's all I ever will be to him. He never respected me and this cycle of him using me when he knew how upset it made me has been going on for over a year. I will go off on him, he will block me, then he'll come right back wanting to use me. He told me he "understood" when I said I couldn't because I still had feelings, telling him I literally had to leave the party because I couldn't handle seeing him, but obviously either he truly doesn't understand or he likes hurting me so much that he just continues to do it.

[No1]

I think you are a bit too hung up asking why you are not 'good enough'. Especially with this guy. Asking a question to this low life is really not the right one to be asking about. Its like asking a car thief why he isnt stealing your car? This guy is not worth the energy. Its like you need approval from this ONE guy and he is not the one that you need approval from. Approval comes from within, its knowing that you are worth the time and effort. You dont need this guy to tell you that you are worth it.

This is what I think.... You see this guy going out with a lot of girls and taking them out and he is taking out the world except you. You ask why? You think its about worth when all this time its about smarts and trouble. Ever think that the reason why he didnt take you out but the other girls is because you are smarter than the rest of them? That if he takes you out, you would see right thru his plan or his game? That you might be trouble to him because he goes out with girls he can control and you are not like that?

Its not about worth, its about control. He cant control you out in public. You are much too smart.

Getting back to the car thief... he doesnt steal yours because he would get caught.

[esm12]

You are right. I know it's not that I wasn't good enough, I guess it just feels that way, especially when I think about how this whole "relationship" was a complete lie. I just wish he had never asked me, he told me he actually wasn't talking to any other girls which I don't believe, but I almost wish he was so he would leave me alone. I was just feeling pretty good about myself then that was a complete setback.