Second opinion.

[Smartyface]

Hey guys,

 

This is sort of linked to a previous thread I posted. Well, I've been casually seeing this guy for around a month or two now, we'll go out in our group of friends flirt a little bit and then he'll come to my place and we'll fool around - we haven't slept together. It is a little dramatic. In the beginning of university he ended up sleeping on and off with this girl (let us call her Emily) at the time me and him would only see each other through friends. Emily has a little bit of a reputation, she's known for being a bit crazy and dramatic - she has told mutual friends that she would never really be my friend because of my connection with this guy. As time went on him and Emily would continue sleeping together and they would wake up the next day and argue and fight - he would always say that he would never sleep with her again but then he would get really drunk or high and sleep with her again, waking up frustrated the next morning. All my friends knew that I had a crush on him and were trying to set me up with him, fast forward to my birthday and he ends up staying over at my place and all we do is kiss. Recently, I met with my friends and Emily tagged along, we ended up talking and we got on really well. Here is where it gets a bit dramatic. She told me about how he used to be great to her - telling her that she was the most beautiful girl he has ever seen and would constantly serenade her and just hang out and then one day he apparently just switch on her and just started being awful to her, for example, waking up after she stayed around and berating her over the fact they slept together, she also told me other stuff which just made him sound like the most horrible person on the face of this earth. I want to ask him about it, but I know that his answer will be "she's a liar". Since then she has seen him come to stay over at my place and she got really upset with me, but we ended up talking about the fact that I want to continue seeing him even if casually and she said it's okay and everything was fine. A couple days ago, she text me saying that she found out that he slept with another girl and wanted to tell me - when I told her that really he was allowed to do that seeing as he isn't my boyfriend, she got upset me with saying that her "warnings are falling on deaf ears and she has had enough"

 

Anyway, backstory finished. So the issue right now is that all my friends want me to drop him and stop seeing him, whereas I don't feel like I want to. I don't know if it's silly to see if its possible for this to progress past a casual relationship - I can't tell if I'm emotionally attached to him now or not. We have spoken outside of just meeting up, but it's mostly small talk, he has never anything but lovely to me so I don't know if it's fair to judge him on what Emily has told me. I don't know whether to just listen to my friends and get rid of him or continue seeing him? I'm currently enjoying just being able to call someone over for a cuddle.

 

Sorry for the wall of text. I just want to know what people would do in my position, any second opinion is valued.

 

Thanks:strawberry:

[Smartyface]

Just to make it clear I don't want a relationship with him right now as I don't know him well enough.

[Wiseman2]

Since you are just hanging out and not really dating there's nothing to "drop". You know he's a player so if you want to hang out why worry about what your friends think? Hopefully you are not looking for an exclusive relationship, that doesn't seem too likely.

all my friends want me to drop him and stop seeing him, whereas I don't feel like I want to. I don't know if it's silly to see if its possible for this to progress past a casual relationship - I can't tell if I'm emotionally attached to him now or not.

[Smartyface]

Since you are just hanging out and not really dating there's nothing to "drop". You know he's a player so if you want to hang out why worry about what your friends think? Hopefully you are not looking for an exclusive relationship, that doesn't seem too likely.

 

but how can you be fully sure he's a player? Is it really that clear & I'm just being stupid?

[Wiseman2]

You'll hang out and have sex and he'll keep mentioning he doesn't want a relationship, the you'll see him with other girls on campus etc. just like he's on/off with whoever that is.

but how can you be fully sure he's a player? Is it really that clear & I'm just being stupid?

[Smartyface]

You'll hang out and have sex and he'll keep mentioning he doesn't want a relationship, the you'll see him with other girls on campus etc. just like he's on/off with whoever that is.

 

He hasn't said to me he doesn't want to have a relationship & I haven't really seen him with other girls other than friends really. I don't mean to condescend you in any way by the way, I do believe that he probably is a player I just haven't thought about that, when we talk he doesn't really seem interested too much in getting to know me so I agree with you that chances are he's using me for just some sexual relief.

[Wiseman2]

It may be better to worry about his reputation than Emily's.

I've been casually seeing this guy for around a month or two now and then he'll come to my place and we'll fool around. In the beginning of university he ended up sleeping on and off with this girl at the time me and him would only see each other through friends.

[JaggerJim]

Oh boy, what desperate measures one takes to hold onto a guy.

[Smartyface]

Oh boy, what desperate measures one takes to hold onto a guy.

 

I think I just get a little blinded when it comes to people, it's probably just a sign of emotional immaturity

[Smartyface]

It may be better to worry about his reputation than Emily's.

 

That's probably true. I have an awfully naive view of the world.