Breakup after ten years

[Purvi]

Hi , i have been dating since ten years with my boyfriend. We are indians so my parents were against our marriage due to caste difference so my mother have been rude with my boyfriends parents n him many times.. i let my mom do jus coz u wanted her to agree at the end, aft ten years wen my family agreed, my bf said he is confused about me coz i took him n his family for granted and did not stopped my mom n family members wen they were rude wid them n insulted them. He says he hav lost feelings for me coz i cry n beg him alot infrnt of everyone, weneva v meet i cry. His mother is also against our marriage coz she feels i m nt good as per astrology for her son. But she acts nicely infrong of my boyfriend , he is a mumma's boy totally. I really want him back but his thoughs n his being mumma boy n not taking stand for me as his family is v conservative he says i have to ajust in conservative environment n he wont stay alone widout his mother. Its more like all the sacrifice n compromise is mine. So i felt too hurted n i said lets try breakup i thought he wont b ready but he said ok and it has been a week v r in no contact. He did not even tried to comtact me, before he use to call in three four days of our breakups . He just askd me u wont block me na, this breakup is basically to know where v both stand in each others life i said yes thts the thing. But i miss him alot and i want him back. What should i do that he comes back to me n i hav a feeling tht he wont contact coz of his ego as he knos m nt goin to marry anyone else ever.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like you and your families are very incompatible. It sounds like your traditions and culture won't allow you to continue dating him.

 

Do your parents have someone else in mind for your arranged marriage? You suggested breaking up, so all he can do is go no contact and block you and move on.

i have been dating since ten years. my parents were against our marriage due to caste difference. His mother is also against our marriage. i felt too hurted n i said lets try breakup i thought he wont b ready but he said ok and it has been a week v r in no contact.

[gebaird]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Your relationship with him sounds like it was very challenging. If you couldn't work through these problems after 10 years of trying, what makes you think you can work through them if he comes back? If the two of you were united, it might be possible to overcome the challenges with family, caste, astrology, etc. But it honestly sounds like there are just too many problems to overcome.

 

I recommend sticking with no contact and focusing on your own healing right now. It's only been a week, so it makes sense that you feel devastated right now. It will hurt for a while, but in time perhaps things will look different.

[hyden]

A dictionary on my desk just burst into flames while I was reading this. This was quite difficult to process. I know you said you are Indian, so i applaud you on being mutilingual, but mixing in the texting lingo/abbreviations didnt help matters.

 

That aside, when challenged by their family, someone typically has two choices, stand up to them or concede to their wishes. It sounds like he is doing the latter as well as trying to find subtle ways to make it not his/his family's fault. I dont see this going well. 10 years is a long time to invest in someone. I am shocked that this didnt come to a head many years ago if he/they view you so negatively.

[Purvi]

Unfortunately it sounds like you and your families are very incompatible. It sounds like your traditions and culture won't allow you to continue dating him.

 

Do your parents have someone else in mind for your arranged marriage? You suggested breaking up, so all he can do is go no contact and block you and move on.

 

Yes the families are totally opposite and so both the mothers have ego. But the problem is my bf is a mumma's boy. Since the time our families got involved he have been goin far frm me. I really want him back i cannot see my future without him. He has not deleted me from anywhere he says there is no use of deleting or anything may be later in life we become friends. Yes my family wanted me to marry a rich nd famous brat in arrange marriage but than when they got ready my bf said he is confused about me

[Purvi]

Everyone says him that if you didnt had feelings you should have dumped before. He said he ignored and thought things will be fine but it jus did not get fine at all. He also started flirting with other gals which he never did in ten years and he gives the reason he is like this or situation has made him like

This.. he says m flirting nly nd tht u know its fine i mean whats wrong but frankly i am nt happy with what he has become

[Purvi]

A dictionary on my desk just burst into flames while I was reading this. This was quite difficult to process. I know you said you are Indian, so i applaud you on being mutilingual, but mixing in the texting lingo/abbreviations didnt help matters.

 

 

 

That aside, when challenged by their family, someone typically has two choices, stand up to them or concede to their wishes. It sounds like he is doing the latter as well as trying to find subtle ways to make it not his/his family's fault. I dont see this going well. 10 years is a long time to invest in someone. I am shocked that this didnt come to a head many years ago if he/they view you so negatively.

 

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Your relationship with him sounds like it was very challenging. If you couldn't work through these problems after 10 years of trying, what makes you think you can work through them if he comes back? If the two of you were united, it might be possible to overcome the challenges with family, caste, astrology, etc. But it honestly sounds like there are just too many problems to overcome.

 

I recommend sticking with no contact and focusing on your own healing right now. It's only been a week, so it makes sense that you feel devastated right now. It will hurt for a while, but in time perhaps things will look different.

 

 

 

Yes there has been distance in us now. And he never shares our talk with any of his friends. His friends cannot go to him

N talk about it, everyone knows what nonesence he is doing but its jus he talks to his family only about his problems and his mother is a she becums good infrnt of him and make him dance on her moves.